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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Great, superb idea @FlamingoWrangler. I love Sully, 'hadn't thought of that movie in ages. Thank you!
Thank you everyone for the supportive comments. I've survived the night. Got work next 2 days so am just going to get through that. If that goes wrong it accelerates the decline so shitty flaking paint will have to wait whatever caused it. I need to stay functional. Supposedly a new storm in UK tomorrow but think it misses my area. I do feel anxious every time they publish headlines about bad weather.
So I pick myself up and try to keep going. I get to the office in dreadful weather, as I have a face to face meeting at 4pm. At 3pm the client messages and changes it to a remote meeting - after I've already incurred the costs and spent the time and hassle getting to the office. Another client pulls out so another income hit. I'm so tired of this bullshit.
Got the commute home now. It's a gamble between an earlier travel time - where there could be a lot more buses but also a lot more traffic, and a later one where there is less traffic, but also less buses! Will see how it goes. Might go early, and take my chances. I need to rest my brain, but it won't give itself a rest from trying to figure out the future at the moment. I was looking at jobs stewarding at gigs and the like but then was reminded that there is a lot of time spent standing around and my body starts to generate more pain when I am not moving a lot. There don't seem to be any simple answers. So JSS. Just survive somehow.
@FlamingoWrangler It seems yesterday I put a like on your post and then undid it, thinking I hadn't. lol I have an excuse of my brain being worse than usual due to packing and organizing my move. I don't know why but doesn't really matter; the monster Sully seems like an appropriate protecter right now. I've imagined him standing 7 feet tall with arms crossed and growling a warning at thoughts which usually induce the beginning of elevated heart rate, shallow breathing, fearful loops of other thoughts and the slide toward panic.
I managed to get home, the bus and traffic was OK. En route I came up with a plan that should see me alive until at least January. The 2 weeks at Christmas is pretty much the only time I get to have 2 weeks entirely to myself, no emails, no work, no projects no meetings and no expectations. I daresay my savings won't run out before then and the house is unlikely to get into a dangerous state by then. It's not much, this life has robbed me of hope of a future, but I'm buggered if it's taking my 2 weeks off me after I've started longing for that time off and wait for it all year. Sad that I have to live this way constantly making deals to survive another few months and only feeling like I'm surviving - but it's something.
pretty good. my wife and i had a serious discussion about selling jasmine. we love her and have had her for years but she is unique and has unique brakes. so between steering box and changing to power disc brakes could cost 3k to 4k because i may need to change rims and tires. probably won't because still runs great. just thinking lol. we would take what we can get and what i can raise and buy another antique car.
i am doing pretty good right now or at least not too bad lol
mike
i am doing pretty good right now or at least not too bad lol
mike
That sounds really rough. I think many of us want to die but are also afraid of it and don't want to at the same time. And I think many of us feel lonely. I suspect the idea behind the thing you quoted, is just try to live for now as much as possible, make the most of what you have and don't get too obsessed with the past or future! It's not easy. I hope posting here helped you!
