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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Frustrated with myself because i still don't drive and trying to find a way to work when my ride goes on her week long vacation next month.
Kind of feel like others see those who need rides and find something valid in their reasoning for not driving, yet when it comes to me, they feel there should be no excuse. i just get told the same damn things, "you need to" "just go do it" "stop relying on others" "think of the freedom you'll have"....
if it was so easy i would have done it by now. If it wasn't so difficult for me to get out of my head and those memories, i would have done it by now. Of course i want that freedom. But that freedom also carried a terrifying weight with my depression. Maybe it's just an excuse for myself? My reasonings feel justifiable even if others don't understand them.
i just feel disappointed in myself.
Kind of feel like others see those who need rides and find something valid in their reasoning for not driving, yet when it comes to me, they feel there should be no excuse. i just get told the same damn things, "you need to" "just go do it" "stop relying on others" "think of the freedom you'll have"....
if it was so easy i would have done it by now. If it wasn't so difficult for me to get out of my head and those memories, i would have done it by now. Of course i want that freedom. But that freedom also carried a terrifying weight with my depression. Maybe it's just an excuse for myself? My reasonings feel justifiable even if others don't understand them.
i just feel disappointed in myself.
Not looking forward to writing yet another intense email, although I will make it as brief and light as possible. Sometimes the right thing to do, both morally and personally, is the harder thing. I am flooding myself daily with the healing philosophies of Stoicism and Buddhism, spending an hour a day in spiritual practice, to guide my actions and decisions.
One thing I am realizing is that not only is life hard and excruciating, but that for people like me, with qualities like sensitivity and insight and creativity, life can be far more stressful and difficult. Unless they are in an ideal environment to nurture them, which is rare. Yet, these qualities are useful, not just for the individual who possesses them but for society. In other words it's good to have them regardless of any other factor. They are worth the pain, and there are ways of dealing with them to make them less stressful and difficult.
So I guess I'm saying I'm trying to have gratitude for the ability to feel empathy for others, to be sensitive and insightful and creative, even if these things tear me apart due to circumstances. I can at least use philosophy and spirituality to mitigate the damage. Yay?
One thing I am realizing is that not only is life hard and excruciating, but that for people like me, with qualities like sensitivity and insight and creativity, life can be far more stressful and difficult. Unless they are in an ideal environment to nurture them, which is rare. Yet, these qualities are useful, not just for the individual who possesses them but for society. In other words it's good to have them regardless of any other factor. They are worth the pain, and there are ways of dealing with them to make them less stressful and difficult.
So I guess I'm saying I'm trying to have gratitude for the ability to feel empathy for others, to be sensitive and insightful and creative, even if these things tear me apart due to circumstances. I can at least use philosophy and spirituality to mitigate the damage. Yay?
Curious. I've seen a job ad for a self employed side gig that I might be able to do alongside my main gig, or perhaps possibly replacing the main gig eventually. There aren't many opportunities to diversify careers at my age and I feel it might be a good idea to get my fingers in another pie, as it's tech related it might future proof my earning potential a little and give me some extra experience as my current work is pretty specialised. It's lower paid hourly than my current work, but could be far less stressful, I think I'll do the application and aptitude test and see what happens!
Sorry you feel this way! I have managed to avoid learning to drive at all into my 50s and will regard it as an achievement if I never do. The amount of people I know who've had cars stolen/break down/constant problems, makes me glad not to have that burden. I always hear people talking about the cost, and when I see people stuck in traffic and I get off the bus to walk, I feel relieved I'm not stuck in this lump of metal! As for finding a place to park in the middle of a confusing one way system....or the hassle if you bump into someone else's vehicle.... It would feel more of a weight than a freedom to me! Of course there are downsides like the crazy people on public transport - and of course worse if there is no public transport. Do what's right for you!
