How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

I was completely mentally gone earlier (just fatigue), but I did some menial admin tasks and it seemed to make the part of my brain that was tired have a rest as I've been doing a lot of thinking work lately. I feel quite refreshed now, amazing how therapeutic copying and pasting can be!

I'm actually quite happy as the new job is going really well and I have got a pay rise and a promotion to the next level after little more than a month! This makes it easier to scale down some of the old work - I love the new work so much! As the new job is all home based I've worked out that it might actually work out comparable in pay to the higher paid work, simply because I don't have to sit on a stinking bus 1-2 hours a day (or 3 tonight as a tree fell over 😱) If nothing else, it will be nice to work from home more during the winter at least. I've got one last bus rodeo tomorrow until late next week, then I'll just be WFH for 5 days. Also I have a gig on Saturday (ie I am going to a rock concert, as I think the phrase once confused people!), if I can find the energy!

Sorry I am not around on here much lately, it's been tough finding time for anything while working 2 jobs but hopefully I can get it down to 1.5 jobs now! 😊

 

[nicktheundoer]

Feeling uneasy at work and sad too, perhaps anxious. I just want to go home and crawl under the covers.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Feel like I am having a massive breakdown

😢I hope things would get better..hugs

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Not great....

I had a good time having my friend from out of town stay for a few days. It was great to catch up. Unfortunately I was shocked by how bad she looks - she has always been morbidly obese but had a health scare and lost over 100 pounds so the last time I saw her a few years ago she was much slimmer. Now she has gained it back, plus more. She constantly overeats and smokes. She also is a sun worshipper and her fair skin has become so deeply lined that she looks 20 years older than she is. That is probably due to the smoking as well.

I'm depressed about the idea that she will die soon. Two of my good friends died within the last four years. As soon as I saw her, I had the premonition she will not live long.

Now that she has left, I feel melancholy. My husband mentioned her eating habits and how amazed he was that she didn't feel sick after the amount we saw her eat (maybe she does though and just masks it). She did mention going on a healthy eating plan once her vacation is over, but I've been hearing it for 25 years and I have a hard time believing she will change without medical/psychological intervention. She has only ever quit bad habits before when a doctor said she was going to die if she didn't (and she avoids doctors normally).

I'm not sure if I should say anything. I was encouraging when she spoke of eating healthy again, but she seems to grab at any chance to fall off the wagon and consume thousands of calories in an almost frantic way. I think she needs psychological help, not just medical.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I should mention that my friend is a wonderful person -- kind, generous, articulate, hard working, and very socially adept and popular. I've worked with her for years in the same company and she was extremely well liked. But I almost feel like her very extraversion and attractiveness (she has an attractive face and gorgeous wavy hair) works against her in some ways. And she tends to drop friends when they start expressing concern about her lifestyle. I guess I just need to calm down. Some people are here "for a good time, not a long time" I guess.

 

[MisterBGone]

This is not an easy one, @Lady Wolfshead - as you said, you could lose her as a friend. One question you might ask, is... whether or not it would be worth it to do so, were she to eventually change her mind & take your advice in attempt to turn around her life? Another plausible scenario: she doesn't listen to you, and doesn't drop you, but you forever alter the nature of the friend/relationship. High stakes, indeed...

If she was eating that way in front of you both, I'd have to believe that this is a habit, and not one in which she is able to alter, even if for the brief bit she is in the company of friends. And since she's been dealing with this issue for so long, and it is now so progressive & severe, I'd have to imagine that she is aware of most things you could say to her.

In other words, while it might be tempting to write out a 500 word essay to give to her, stating all of the reasons you'd like to see her do this, so that she can extend and live as healthy a life as can be had at this point. And then also to note some of the generous things you've attributed to her, to us, and as well as your reasons for fearing her loss or similar outcome, due to the recent people who've passed in your life and been close to you.

My point, and thinking, not even knowing her is that, maybe less would be more (given all of this, & that is assuming I am anywhere near the vicinity of being "right."). For if you argue with her, or for her, like you're in the court of law, or trying to win some debate, how much of what you say, or how many of those 500 words of wisdom. . . are going to be things she doesn't already know?

When you state that she is extroverted and attractive, and that this can hinder her. Do you mean that because of these positive qualities she has had her behaviors or attitudes, values, and beliefs reinforced by others?

That's part of what makes this such a tough call. The first peep out of you, or sign you give her, where & when you show her your hand. She may already be prepared for that switch to flip, and the defense(s) to go or come up. So that is what has to be weighed, then I believe, in my opinion. That's just one person's pea brain, on display for you there.

 

[HappyKitty]

most of neighbours wants my cats to stay🫠😅😹

 

[nicktheundoer]

Not great....

I had a good time having my friend from out of town stay for a few days. It was great to catch up. Unfortunately I was shocked by how bad she looks - she has always been morbidly obese but had a health scare and lost over 100 pounds so the last time I saw her a few years ago she was much slimmer. Now she has gained it back, plus more. She constantly overeats and smokes. She also is a sun worshipper and her fair skin has become so deeply lined that she looks 20 years older than she is. That is probably due to the smoking as well.

I'm depressed about the idea that she will die soon. Two of my good friends died within the last four years. As soon as I saw her, I had the premonition she will not live long.

Now that she has left, I feel melancholy. My husband mentioned her eating habits and how amazed he was that she didn't feel sick after the amount we saw her eat (maybe she does though and just masks it). She did mention going on a healthy eating plan once her vacation is over, but I've been hearing it for 25 years and I have a hard time believing she will change without medical/psychological intervention. She has only ever quit bad habits before when a doctor said she was going to die if she didn't (and she avoids doctors normally).

I'm not sure if I should say anything. I was encouraging when she spoke of eating healthy again, but she seems to grab at any chance to fall off the wagon and consume thousands of calories in an almost frantic way. I think she needs psychological help, not just medical.

I'm sorry for your friend..I hope she changes her habits too

 

[nicktheundoer]

It's 10 am and cried deeply..I just wish it wouldn't be this way for us..but we just gotta accept pain and move forward,I guess..hugs to all who are going through tough times

 

[Bergerac]

It's 10 am and cried deeply..I just wish it wouldn't be this way for us..but we just gotta accept pain and move forward,I guess..hugs to all who are going through tough times

Sending love to you

 

[HappyKitty]

not bad. some kind strangers invited for a chitchat during lunch 😺

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

This is not an easy one, @Lady Wolfshead - as you said, you could lose her as a friend. One question you might ask, is... whether or not it would be worth it to do so, were she to eventually change her mind & take your advice in attempt to turn around her life? Another plausible scenario: she doesn't listen to you, and doesn't drop you, but you forever alter the nature of the friend/relationship. High stakes, indeed...

If she was eating that way in front of you both, I'd have to believe that this is a habit, and not one in which she is able to alter, even if for the brief bit she is in the company of friends. And since she's been dealing with this issue for so long, and it is now so progressive & severe, I'd have to imagine that she is aware of most things you could say to her.

In other words, while it might be tempting to write out a 500 word essay to give to her, stating all of the reasons you'd like to see her do this, so that she can extend and live as healthy a life as can be had at this point. And then also to note some of the generous things you've attributed to her, to us, and as well as your reasons for fearing her loss or similar outcome, due to the recent people who've passed in your life and been close to you.

My point, and thinking, not even knowing her is that, maybe less would be more (given all of this, & that is assuming I am anywhere near the vicinity of being "right."). For if you argue with her, or for her, like you're in the court of law, or trying to win some debate, how much of what you say, or how many of those 500 words of wisdom. . . are going to be things she doesn't already know?

When you state that she is extroverted and attractive, and that this can hinder her. Do you mean that because of these positive qualities she has had her behaviors or attitudes, values, and beliefs reinforced by others?

That's part of what makes this such a tough call. The first peep out of you, or sign you give her, where & when you show her your hand. She may already be prepared for that switch to flip, and the defense(s) to go or come up. So that is what has to be weighed, then I believe, in my opinion. That's just one person's pea brain, on display for you there.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Believe me over the years I have debated what to say, if anything. I'm sure I have suggested OA and therapy at various points when she brought up the topic of her eating habits. I have also suggested she try smoothies to get more vegetables and fruit because she doesn't like the texture of many fruits and veg -- and I think being nutritionally deficient can make someone hungrier. There's probably not much I can do and I'm just venting. The decision is hers.

My point about her looks is that she hasn't faced the social censure many women face when they become obese, which can also be powerful motivation to change your habits. I've read studies that show social censure of obesity (basically peer pressure) while not pleasant, can actually result in women being a healthier body weight.

I just really don't want her to die. But who knows? Maybe I will die first. Memento Mori, as the stoics say.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Sending love to you

Thanks Bergerac

 

[Road to Nowhere]

It's 10 am and cried deeply..I just wish it wouldn't be this way for us..but we just gotta accept pain and move forward,I guess..hugs to all who are going through tough times

 

[nicktheundoer]

Thank youuu..

 

[Astrid78]

It's 10 am and cried deeply..I just wish it wouldn't be this way for us..but we just gotta accept pain and move forward,I guess..hugs to all who are going through tough times

 

[1Lefty]

It's 10 am and cried deeply..I just wish it wouldn't be this way for us..but we just gotta accept pain and move forward,I guess..hugs to all who are going through tough times

 

[Lane]

It's 10 am and cried deeply..I just wish it wouldn't be this way for us..but we just gotta accept pain and move forward,I guess..hugs to all who are going through tough times

I hope you feel better after crying and letting it out @nicktheundoer. Hope you have a good day.

 

[1Lefty]

Perplexed

I've been talking to a woman from a dating app for a year. I was open about my challenges, depression, etc, SA, SI, in-patient, this place. I told her a few days ago that I might be experiencing the manic side of a mood swing. We haven't talked in a few days, after she said she wanted to sort out the "viability" of our involvement. Yeah, ok, not a lot I can do, but I don't understand why this has become an issue now.

And yesterday, I got a message from a woman from a different dating app, after almost 4 months without contact. She thought we should meet, her words were "it's overdue". It wasn't like we had progressed a lot in a cyber connection. I don't know why she approached me again, I was almost curious enough to continue talking, but ......... I ended the conversation, there was nothing to be gained, hooking up is not my priority

peace

 

[Lane]

Not great....

I had a good time having my friend from out of town stay for a few days. It was great to catch up. Unfortunately I was shocked by how bad she looks - she has always been morbidly obese but had a health scare and lost over 100 pounds so the last time I saw her a few years ago she was much slimmer. Now she has gained it back, plus more. She constantly overeats and smokes. She also is a sun worshipper and her fair skin has become so deeply lined that she looks 20 years older than she is. That is probably due to the smoking as well.

I'm depressed about the idea that she will die soon. Two of my good friends died within the last four years. As soon as I saw her, I had the premonition she will not live long.

Now that she has left, I feel melancholy. My husband mentioned her eating habits and how amazed he was that she didn't feel sick after the amount we saw her eat (maybe she does though and just masks it). She did mention going on a healthy eating plan once her vacation is over, but I've been hearing it for 25 years and I have a hard time believing she will change without medical/psychological intervention. She has only ever quit bad habits before when a doctor said she was going to die if she didn't (and she avoids doctors normally).

I'm not sure if I should say anything. I was encouraging when she spoke of eating healthy again, but she seems to grab at any chance to fall off the wagon and consume thousands of calories in an almost frantic way. I think she needs psychological help, not just medical.

Glad that you had a good time catching up with your friend Lady. She's lucky to have such a caring person in her life. It's a shame she doesn't care more about her health, but maybe again if a doctor says so. She reminds me of a childhood friend that has been smoking heavily since age 13 and is obese and never used sunscreen with very fair skin.

I tried to keep the friendship going but she didn't seem to want to put the effort in unfortunately, but I still worry about her since I've known her since age 7 years old .

Like you said, perhaps our friends need more than just medical help. I hope you're doing as well as can be.