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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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i hope today is better for you
mike....
mike....
Did something odd today and not sure how to process it.
On speaking with the ex-hubby who was doing a project for me I mentioned I was reflecting on the past which I was and i mentioned that when we were married I was pretty messed up,. I was because I was so needy and the mental illness of depression and bipolar was pretty much untreated but I didn't say that. I apologized knowing that I was half wrong in the marriage but I couldn't control him - I didn't say that last statement but I thought it earlier. I felt like I apologized from a position of strength and nothing I said would change the present and that we both have moved on. Then I went back to the subject which we were talking about before I blurted out my apology. He was silent during the apology and when I went back to the subject we both didn't mention what I said.
I guess I do have one regret in my life and it was causing part of the divorce. It wasn't anyone's fault that I had depression and he had great insecurities and between the two of us we couldn't deal. But I am at peace about the whole thing now.
On speaking with the ex-hubby who was doing a project for me I mentioned I was reflecting on the past which I was and i mentioned that when we were married I was pretty messed up,. I was because I was so needy and the mental illness of depression and bipolar was pretty much untreated but I didn't say that. I apologized knowing that I was half wrong in the marriage but I couldn't control him - I didn't say that last statement but I thought it earlier. I felt like I apologized from a position of strength and nothing I said would change the present and that we both have moved on. Then I went back to the subject which we were talking about before I blurted out my apology. He was silent during the apology and when I went back to the subject we both didn't mention what I said.
I guess I do have one regret in my life and it was causing part of the divorce. It wasn't anyone's fault that I had depression and he had great insecurities and between the two of us we couldn't deal. But I am at peace about the whole thing now.
I'm tired. I have a horrible feeling I might be coming down with covid after my experience on the wheeled petri dish yesterday. It would be the 3rd time in 3 years and I'll have started symptoms on exactly the same day each year! Not sure how unlikely that is but it seems ridiculous! Anyway I'll get some sleep and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised to be symptom free when I wake up. 🤔 Goodnight and love to all. ❤️❤️❤️
i sincerely hope you don't get covid again. once is enough, twice is inconvenient, thrice is a nightmare
mike....
mike....
So I only slept a couple hours yesterday and then about 5 hours today. I'm a little tired, but I caught up on some sleep, at least. I've gotten used to going to bed extremely early, like 6-8 pm, so I also usually wake up very early. It used to be at the crack of dawn, but now I'm finding myself unable to sleep well and waking up at like 1-3 am. Granted, I'd been getting like 12 hours of sleep when I'd go to bed at 6 and wake up at 6, so that was too much, but my sleep schedule is still pretty messed up either way. I need to go food shopping today and I was going to hit up Barnes and Noble to get these books:
I read the first part of the series, The Mortal Instruments. I'm on book 5 of 6. I've been reading a lot lately, trying not to think about life too much because, honestly, I'm extremely lonely as of late. I'd like someone to share my life with. Ever since my husband and I separated, I've had no luck in that area, and that was a couple years ago. I feel like I have a lot of love to give and no one to give it to. So I stick to reading, and doing various art projects I get from Michael's, and schoolwork. The last of which really doesn't take up that much time usually. So I have a lot of time on my hands these days, when I'm not going to doctor's appointments, that I don't know what to do with.
I read the first part of the series, The Mortal Instruments. I'm on book 5 of 6. I've been reading a lot lately, trying not to think about life too much because, honestly, I'm extremely lonely as of late. I'd like someone to share my life with. Ever since my husband and I separated, I've had no luck in that area, and that was a couple years ago. I feel like I have a lot of love to give and no one to give it to. So I stick to reading, and doing various art projects I get from Michael's, and schoolwork. The last of which really doesn't take up that much time usually. So I have a lot of time on my hands these days, when I'm not going to doctor's appointments, that I don't know what to do with.
Right now I am feeling angry and horrified. I'm reading _Page Boy_ which is the life story of Canadian-born trans actor Elliot Page.
I am shocked by the amount of aggressive sexual attention and assault he endured, from several men and even one woman, when he was a young adult and presenting as female (and later as a lesbian). In fact even as a child actor, he had a stalker. I remember feeling jealous of his petite good looks as the "actress Ellen Page" when he starred in Juno, thinking what a charmed life it must be to be a tiny, slim and cute elfin-looking young woman.... JFC was I wrong!!! By his own description he always wore loose boyish clothes but it certainly didn't protect him from getting preyed on repeatedly... including by a man he described as "one of the world's most famous actors" but who is not identified.
Page is 36 now, and I would have thought people of that generation were educated about "consent" and that someone frozen and unresponsive is not consenting to sex simply because they are not actively fighting you off. And that someone identifying as lesbian doesn't just need to get laid properly by a man.
And I guess I'm most shocked that a childlike-looking, cute boyish person with short hair could receive such extreme, intense hate including misogynist and homophobic slurs.
Honestly, this book has horrified me, and it's not like I am a naive person - I volunteered at a rape crisis centre when I was young. I was sexually assaulted myself as a child although not raped (Page was not raped as a child either, but at 18 he certainly still looked like a child).
It doesn't help that I am currently reading another non-fiction book about psychopaths. The predators in this world!!!! And the whole human race is at fault for failing to identify predators and protect the vunerable against them, when we've known full well for decades who the actual predators are (hint: popular careers for psychopaths include powerful jobs like CEOs, religious leaders and politicians).
I am shocked by the amount of aggressive sexual attention and assault he endured, from several men and even one woman, when he was a young adult and presenting as female (and later as a lesbian). In fact even as a child actor, he had a stalker. I remember feeling jealous of his petite good looks as the "actress Ellen Page" when he starred in Juno, thinking what a charmed life it must be to be a tiny, slim and cute elfin-looking young woman.... JFC was I wrong!!! By his own description he always wore loose boyish clothes but it certainly didn't protect him from getting preyed on repeatedly... including by a man he described as "one of the world's most famous actors" but who is not identified.
Page is 36 now, and I would have thought people of that generation were educated about "consent" and that someone frozen and unresponsive is not consenting to sex simply because they are not actively fighting you off. And that someone identifying as lesbian doesn't just need to get laid properly by a man.
And I guess I'm most shocked that a childlike-looking, cute boyish person with short hair could receive such extreme, intense hate including misogynist and homophobic slurs.
Honestly, this book has horrified me, and it's not like I am a naive person - I volunteered at a rape crisis centre when I was young. I was sexually assaulted myself as a child although not raped (Page was not raped as a child either, but at 18 he certainly still looked like a child).
It doesn't help that I am currently reading another non-fiction book about psychopaths. The predators in this world!!!! And the whole human race is at fault for failing to identify predators and protect the vunerable against them, when we've known full well for decades who the actual predators are (hint: popular careers for psychopaths include powerful jobs like CEOs, religious leaders and politicians).
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I'm spent. Normally when I unwillingly get up early on a Saturday I can at least function. I decided not to work today but think the overwork in recent months all caught up with me at once, I couldn't even concentrate on a silly TV comedy. I was going to watch the new Doctor Who and Survivor episodes, but my mind is blank and I can't face it. I'm going to bed instead. It's 7.42pm.
I just hope it's like the day early in the pandemic when I just crashed into bed at 6pm and didn't wake up until 12pm 18 hours later. It feels like that's the kind of sleep I need right now. Why my body/brain woke me up with fake alertness I don't know, I could have had another 5 hours in bed - but I won't be able to work at all if I continue to feel like this, and then I'm in trouble, so hopefully a long sleep and I'll reset. At least I've got a quiet week ahead but I was hoping to plough on with the remote work. I'll leave that idea shelved until I can get some kind of sleep.
I just hope it's like the day early in the pandemic when I just crashed into bed at 6pm and didn't wake up until 12pm 18 hours later. It feels like that's the kind of sleep I need right now. Why my body/brain woke me up with fake alertness I don't know, I could have had another 5 hours in bed - but I won't be able to work at all if I continue to feel like this, and then I'm in trouble, so hopefully a long sleep and I'll reset. At least I've got a quiet week ahead but I was hoping to plough on with the remote work. I'll leave that idea shelved until I can get some kind of sleep.