How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[tearsinmycoffee]

I don't know. I don't think there's a name for it.

 

[Searchingforhope]

I don't know. I don't think there's a name for it.

 

[Searchingforhope]

I don't know. I don't think there's a name for it.

I hate this feeling. Happens to me often too.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Gosh, how awful for him. That sounds like a really difficult read.

Thanks for your response. I wish I could discuss this book with someone else who read it actually. I read a lot of childhood/life stories from around the world (as well as a lot of fiction) so I have read a lot of difficult tales - however I didn't expect this tale of a Canadian actor to be so upsetting!!! But I am now into the section where Elliot is older and it's more about his acting career so hopefully no more horrors ahead. Sheesh.

I will say this book has opened my eyes to what Trans men face. I had heard of Trans women being persecuted but not so much the guys.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm spent. Normally when I unwillingly get up early on a Saturday I can at least function. I decided not to work today but think the overwork in recent months all caught up with me at once, I couldn't even concentrate on a silly TV comedy. I was going to watch the new Doctor Who and Survivor episodes, but my mind is blank and I can't face it. I'm going to bed instead. It's 7.42pm.

I just hope it's like the day early in the pandemic when I just crashed into bed at 6pm and didn't wake up until 12pm 18 hours later. It feels like that's the kind of sleep I need right now. Why my body/brain woke me up with fake alertness I don't know, I could have had another 5 hours in bed - but I won't be able to work at all if I continue to feel like this, and then I'm in trouble, so hopefully a long sleep and I'll reset. At least I've got a quiet week ahead but I was hoping to plough on with the remote work. I'll leave that idea shelved until I can get some kind of sleep.

I hope you can relax and sleep. I have a somewhat stressful situation going on at present (that should be resolved in another week) so I haven't been able to sleep more than 6-7 hours a night. It wears you down.

 

[Searchingforhope]

Thanks for your response. I wish I could discuss this book with someone else who read it actually. I read a lot of childhood/life stories from around the world (as well as a lot of fiction) so I have read a lot of difficult tales - however I didn't expect this tale of a Canadian actor to be so upsetting!!! But I am now into the section where Elliot is older and it's more about his acting career so hopefully no more horrors ahead. Sheesh.

I will say this book has opened my eyes to what Trans men face. I had heard of Trans women being persecuted but not so much the guys.

What’s the book called? I’m not sure I have the mental capacity to read it right now, but I like to have things on my list!

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

What’s the book called? I’m not sure I have the mental capacity to read it right now, but I like to have things on my list!

No pressure. It's called _Pageboy_. I've just been reading reviews of it actually as I was curious what others think - reviews are mixed with many positive and a fair number of negative. I personally do like his writing style. I think some of what the negative reviews are criticizing might actually be Page writing in a more Canadian literary style, which I'm obviously used to as a Canadian myself and tends to be less straightforward than American or British writers.

 

[Searchingforhope]

No pressure. It's called _Pageboy_. I've just been reading reviews of it actually as I was curious what others think - reviews are mixed with many positive and a fair number of negative. I personally do like his writing style. I think some of what the negative reviews are criticizing might actually be Page writing in a more Canadian literary style, which I'm obviously used to as a Canadian myself and tends to be less straightforward than American or British writers.

Thanks! I’ll keep it in mind for when I’m doing a bit better.

 

[tearsinmycoffee]

Feeling kind of mellow.

 

[Livelife]

Tired but struggling to sleep and feeling restless. My Dad passed away on Tuesday, I was by his side, along with my sister and daughters, right to the end. The last few days have felt so completely distorted and I can’t keep track of time or what happened when. The one thing I wanted more than anything was that he was not on his own when he passed. We were all there for him, so he was not alone, and that does bring me comfort. I hope that he took that love with him as he passed over. I miss him so much.

I'm very sorry for your loss, may your dad RIP. I was with my dad when he took his last breaths, he wanted that and to be in his own bed in his home which I was able to help with. And I'm so glad it turned out that way for him and also hope he was aware that love was at the core of it. Take care.

 

[tearsinmycoffee]

Having an RSD attack, kinda.

 

[Holding my breath]

There's nothing to forgive. Both my parents died alone, we were only able to get there shortly after. I've never felt guilty about it because around the time I was reading a book written by a hospice doctor (preparing myself!) about how some people choose to die alone because they think they're sparing their loved ones - I read tales of people visiting almost 24/7 and then the relative dying while everyone went to the coffee machine for 5 minutes, apparently it's very common and I've heard nurses and doctors in palliative care talk about it as a matter of common knowledge. People make an assumption that everyone wants to die with their family around them, but the amount of people who die when people have stepped out of the room for a minute suggests otherwise. It's a shame that it can upset families when this happens. Dying is a very personal thing for both the person and their family.

I don't know the circumstances of your parent's deaths but I hope you can forgive yourself.

This was exactly what we were told. In fact at one point we deliberately left his room for half an hour to grab a drink, to see if he would choose to go then. He didn’t, and I am pleased we were there, but it was quite a traumatic experience.
One thing I have realised is that everyone has their own birth story and their own death story. Having had three children, I can remember looking forward to finding out what their birth story was going to be. Seeing my Dad pass, I realised that this was his death story.
I am now trying to change that last image I have of him in my head to images from earlier times when he was alive and looking after us. Unfortunately looking at photos brings back a lot of memories and I feel so much sadness over the love that was lost between my parents and the awful words that were spoken between them. He deserved to be loved by the one person who was his world, but that love was never returned. 💔

 

[Angie]

Lonely

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

This was exactly what we were told. In fact at one point we deliberately left his room for half an hour to grab a drink, to see if he would choose to go then. He didn’t, and I am pleased we were there, but it was quite a traumatic experience.
One thing I have realised is that everyone has their own birth story and their own death story. Having had three children, I can remember looking forward to finding out what their birth story was going to be. Seeing my Dad pass, I realised that this was his death story.
I am now trying to change that last image I have of him in my head to images from earlier times when he was alive and looking after us. Unfortunately looking at photos brings back a lot of memories and I feel so much sadness over the love that was lost between my parents and the awful words that were spoken between them. He deserved to be loved by the one person who was his world, but that love was never returned. 💔

Sorry to hear that, but he is at peace now.

Definitely replace that final image with one where he is alive. He would want you to remember him at his best.

 

[1964dodge]

I don't know. I don't think there's a name for it.

 

[1964dodge]

Lonely

i'm here

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

in terrible pain right now. at a 9 on a 10 scale but at least it came down from a 10 on the 10 scale. i can't do much more for it. i have taken double the doses within an hour, which is the most i can take and stay safe, plus my wife put the mmj salve on my legs. it will keep getting lower and by the time most people see this i'll be normal, a 5. it's funny my wife asked if she could do anything, less than a minuet later she said except that lol. mood is still pretty good though

mike

 

[AvidFan]

in terrible pain right now. at a 9 on a 10 scale but at least it came down from a 10 on the 10 scale. i can't do much more for it. i have taken double the doses within an hour, which is the most i can take and stay safe, plus my wife put the mmj salve on my legs. it will keep getting lower and by the time most people see this i'll be normal, a 5. it's funny my wife asked if she could do anything, less than a minuet later she said except that lol. mood is still pretty good though

mike

Sorry to hear your pain is so bad Mike. I just got up at 3am. Went to bed exhausted before 8pm hoping I'd be in deep slumber until about 11am but my body/brain said it was not to be. So I thought I'd get up. It made me sad to hear you are suffering but your avatar thinggy did make me smile, which is difficult to do when I haven't had 3 cups of coffee and it's 5 hours until even a remotely civilised wake up time! I hope your pain settles down, sending you magic soothing vibes for what it's worth!! ❤️❤️❤️

 

[1964dodge]

Sorry to hear your pain is so bad Mike. I just got up at 3am. Went to bed exhausted before 8pm hoping I'd be in deep slumber until about 11am but my body/brain said it was not to be. So I thought I'd get up. It made me sad to hear you are suffering but your avatar thinggy did make me smile, which is difficult to do when I haven't had 3 cups of coffee and it's 5 hours until even a remotely civilised wake up time! I hope your pain settles down, sending you magic soothing vibes for what it's worth!! ❤️❤️❤️

thank you so much @AvidFan . i have pain spikes every night but not too many severe ones. thanks to SF i have learned some good coping skills. i know for a fact that the pain will go down so the pain doesn't usually affect me emotionally. i used to be suicidal every time i get a bad spike but now with the exception of rare cases i get only mild passing thoughts

mike.....

 

[AvidFan]

Rubbish. My sleep cycle is now completely out of sync. I was so tired I had no option but to go to bed at 8pm. I knew there was a danger I'd wake up in the middle of the night, and of course it happened. For now I'm just going to go with the flow. If I want to be up, I'll be up, if I feel a need to sleep, I'll go to bed, not got too many commitments and most of my work is remote and as and when I please for the next week or so. I've always tried to force a sleep routine as the experts say, but that hasn't exactly ever worked well, or hasn't been lately. So it's 3.36 on Sunday morning and I'm passing the time on SF. I actually used to sleep really well when I was a student, I'd have no sleep routine at all, I'd basically stay awake until I was literally falling asleep standing up and then you couldn't wake me if you tried. Maybe I should try that again 🤯 Then again maybe it's not the best thing at my age, but then again trying to be sensible hasn't been working.

Work really is taunting me. There's a new project that's not only highly paid but also quite easy and enjoyable, it started the other day and I had other things on, as soon as I had time to work on it, they took it down. I'd waited all Saturday for it to reappear and on checking the mission logs, sure enough it came back online shortly after I went to bed and was taken down again shortly before I got up. I think I need a break from screens. At least the laptop screen, seeing as I missed it yesterday I might as well catch up on Survivor and Doctor Who. I'll be able to do my shopping early, and if I feel exhausted, I'll sleep, or try to.