I'll have to look up what that word means later,
@Holding my breath -(the 'disregulated?'). . . Yeah, I'm really that~stupid!
I'm sorry to hear, or learn of this incredibly unpleasant and uncomfortable experience. Is there any way you can or could just, however, chalk it up to your recent loss & obviously still acutely-felt, "grieving?" (over your Dad?) Or just somehow be able to take it a little easier on yourself, and not get so unhappy with the fact that this did indeed happen (the word that I don't know the meaning of)? It's probably a very unsettling, restless & uncomfortable feeling, I'd have to imagine. And so I'm sure you were just trying to find a way of alleviating this distressing or distressful feeling. And it seems you've stumbled on(to) or found one that wasn't overall too terribly destructive in my mind anyway. A few years behind on chores here, though, I may be - (so let's keep that in mind!) ;^) ... It sounds like your Daughter didn't have any problem or issue with it. So maybe just take that feedback as noteworthy? Or I don't know~ / & for what it's worth: I'm sure Christmas Dinner at your House is extraordinary; as in LEGENDARY! But not as legendary as mine (at least in my own mind!)! Because I've got a secret weapon--"SpaghettiO's w/Meatballs~!*

" j/k. Hope you can get some decent rest tonight. And then be ready for the big dinner. Later.