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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
That’s one of the strongest reasons I have to ctb. I’m just working hard, so that I can keep a job to afford the treatment I need to barely survive, so that I can keep working. I’m questioning whether it’s worth it to keep trying.
Yeah, it's kind of absurd really. I hope you can find ways to keep trying, we're in this absurdity together! *sadhug
 

SillyOldBear

Teddy Bears Rule! 🐻
Staff Alumni
I set up my new phone myself *stars

but I need a trip to the phone store for a USB C power adpater that Samsung figured I already had lol

Nice job Angie! I still prefer my little flip phone, although everyone assumes that since I have a phone, it must be a smart one. Too dumb and to poor to own a smart phone. I don't like computers, don't understand computers and wish like hell I didn't need one.
 

Auri

🎸🎶Metal Star🎵🥁
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
At the moment i am the top girl in this class (there are a few boys who have passed more credits than me but they kinda mention me as the no.1 girl in their conversations as if its a biggie?)
So just like any other course, everyone needs to pass everything eventually to get the degree. Who cares if someone does it a bit faster??? Logic would say so. But why do i feel the huge pressure to maintain my status and its killing me????

Well, first, I don't think it's a bad look, it should make you a little proud to have that reputation and it makes sense that you want to maintain it, which can take effort. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though, because I don't think it's worth it in the long run (mental health issues vs. the little reward one gets later in life for getting slightly better grades).

But also, could it be that this has become an important part of your identity, perhaps even the only thing people remember you for? I was in that situation as well, always labelled as "the intelligent one" or "the nerd", which was very annoying... but when I got surrounded by many people more similar to me, I lost the label and it actually hurt. It felt like I was nobody anymore, I had nothing unique that made me "me". (In the end though, it allowed me to discover all my other personality traits *thumbsup).
 

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
I set up my new phone myself *stars

but I need a trip to the phone store for a USB C power adpater that Samsung figured I already had lol
congrats on setting up the phone.what kind of phone did you get? late last year we had to replace our old phones and got a galaxy s23, i hope this one lasts at least 4 years like the last one lol

mike....*hug*shake*bravo*stars
 

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
That’s one of the strongest reasons I have to ctb. I’m just working hard, so that I can keep a job to afford the treatment I need to barely survive, so that I can keep working. I’m questioning whether it’s worth it to keep trying.
i can't say if it will be worth it or not. but as you probably know i was severely depressed because i had no hope, i knew i could never get better and all of my physical issues will get worse. well it is getting worse but that isn't the end.

i started to fight hard again, i mean my goal was relentless. i can't get additional opioid pain meds but looked fo other solutions. i found a way to compensate with other things. i also found a way to honestly evaluate myself. i learned to think of my glass as half full not half empty. i have a lot of physical issues but i still fight. sometimes when i get a bad pain spike i think of ctb but remind myself the pain will go down.

i know you have a lot of serious physical and emotional issues. you may or may not get rid of all your issues but they may get better. if you quit life will get worse every year with no hope in site and could lead to a possible suicide, i know i'm pleased i didn't ctb. but if you fight , even if things don't get better right away it helps. if you fight you have hope and possibly getting better. and the most important thing for me was going online learning about my issues. i learned a lot and when i found something i asked my doctor to try it. believe in yourself the same way we look up to you. you are an inspiration to others

mike.....*hug*console*shake
 

foreverforgotten

Quiet Observer 🦋
SF Supporter
Mid life crisis. Quite literally. I am in an Airbnb for a week. I have all my stuff packed in my car.. I don't know if I will stay here, or drive to my aunts house 3 states away.. with my cat. And quit my job, and everything here. Problem is that she's 92 and ailing health.. I don't want to do the caregiver thing anymore, after I'm burnout from my parents deaths( RIP). But I absolutely hate living here. I can't see a future here.... I feel like I hate either way i pick.. and I feel trapped. I hate this life..
 

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Mid life crisis. Quite literally. I am in an Airbnb for a week. I have all my stuff packed in my car.. I don't know if I will stay here, or drive to my aunts house 3 states away.. with my cat. And quit my job, and everything here. Problem is that she's 92 and ailing health.. I don't want to do the caregiver thing anymore, after I'm burnout from my parents deaths( RIP). But I absolutely hate living here. I can't see a future here.... I feel like I hate either way i pick.. and I feel trapped. I hate this life..
being a caregiver for ailing elderly people is a very hard thing to do and i commend you for doing it. maybe you can talk to your aunt to see if she is getting the care she needs. if she does you can go there and be her companioin and do little things like give her rides or go to the store etc.

mike....*hug*hug*shake
 

foreverforgotten

Quiet Observer 🦋
SF Supporter
being a caregiver for ailing elderly people is a very hard thing to do and i commend you for doing it. maybe you can talk to your aunt to see if she is getting the care she needs. if she does you can go there and be her companioin and do little things like give her rides or go to the store etc.

mike....*hug*hug*shake
She's not really getting any care. Until her daughter steps up. She lives alone.. I am afraid that if I move there.. she will get worse inevitably and I know she would expect me to step up and help until the end.. I love the idea of moving, but not doing the whole caregiving thing again .. and im worried I won't be able to find a job, or apartment there either.. its scary.. I'm conflicted.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Well, first, I don't think it's a bad look, it should make you a little proud to have that reputation and it makes sense that you want to maintain it, which can take effort. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though, because I don't think it's worth it in the long run (mental health issues vs. the little reward one gets later in life for getting slightly better grades).

But also, could it be that this has become an important part of your identity, perhaps even the only thing people remember you for? I was in that situation as well, always labelled as "the intelligent one" or "the nerd", which was very annoying... but when I got surrounded by many people more similar to me, I lost the label and it actually hurt. It felt like I was nobody anymore, I had nothing unique that made me "me". (In the end though, it allowed me to discover all my other personality traits *thumbsup).
As an aside, this is weird, as I was just thinking about this exact same thing in my own life before I even ran into these two posts! It was the same for me, I was top at little school, big school, and university pretty much. My dad always told me when I was at little school that when I went to big school, I'd meet lots more people who were smart and I had to prepare for the fact I would no longer be top of the class. Think it was well-meaning but it caused me a lot of anxiety waiting for that fall from grace! I kept looking out for these smarter people and wondering where they were! Then it actually happened on my graduation day, I had been the star student for 3 years, and on that day I was graduating with a first and was really happy - until I was in the queue to graduate in order and found myself second - to a person who'd hardly ever made an appearance socially and got prizes for the best exam scores in the department and best degree in the faculty. I was absolutely crushed - to come second out of a faculty of hundreds and get one of two top degrees! Even after that I still tried to pursue it, but by the time I got to doctorate level studies, I found hundreds in front of me and didn't get funding to go any further, meaning I had to change direction altogether and get a "proper" job eventually (after lots more failed applications for study funding). I wouldn't change it now as I wouldn't have learned as much about myself if I'd carried on in that direction!

I expect we all have individual and cultural pressures that prioritise and value certain parts of us above others, making our perceived value conditional on meeting those criteria!
 

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