How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[puffymilk]

A little better now

 

[mosaic hearts]

I'm doing so-so. When I woke up, I was feeling okay. Now, as I get ready for work, I'm starting to feel worse. I wish I could stay home to rest today, but I can't. I'm praying to God to give me the strength & courage to face what needs facing today. I wish that I wasn't living alone. Sometimes I'd need help with everyday stuff. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. My apartment is so messy right now. But I don't have the energy to keep up with it beyond the essentials. I feel like a failure in so many ways. Yesterday at work I was hiding from my colleagues because I felt like an alien, that I don't belong there. I felt so disconnected from everything. I was glad to get home. I know these are C-PTSD symptoms, but they're hard to live with. I've felt apart from things my whole life for a variety of reasons, including unrelenting school bullying for most of my childhood/adolescence. I just which I could stop feeling so defective. It's hard living like this. It feeds into my suicidality, among many other things. Anyways. I don't want to go on & on. That's it for the moment other than adding I'm teary as I write this. I wish my life were different. My hopelessness comes from feeling perpetually stuck in every way that's meaningful to me. Okay, enough.

 

[Anchorchain]

I'm doing so-so. When I woke up, I was feeling okay. Now, as I get ready for work, I'm starting to feel worse. I wish I could stay home to rest today, but I can't. I'm praying to God to give me the strength & courage to face what needs facing today. I wish that I wasn't living alone. Sometimes I'd need help with everyday stuff. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. My apartment is so messy right now. But I don't have the energy to keep up with it beyond the essentials. I feel like a failure in so many ways. Yesterday at work I was hiding from my colleagues because I felt like an alien, that I don't belong there. I felt so disconnected from everything. I was glad to get home. I know these are C-PTSD symptoms, but they're hard to live with. I've felt apart from things my whole life for a variety of reasons, including unrelenting school bullying for most of my childhood/adolescence. I just which I could stop feeling so defective. It's hard living like this. It feeds into my suicidality, among many other things. Anyways. I don't want to go on & on. That's it for the moment other than adding I'm teary as I write this. I wish my life were different. My hopelessness comes from feeling perpetually stuck in every way that's meaningful to me. Okay, enough.

@ mosaic hearts: Your testament resonates with me because it all seems so familiar....I dragged myself through years of my own version of pretty much a comparable kind of mindset and feelings.
I eventually emerged into a better space.......far from good but nevertheless not quite so bad.
OK, I don't to make this about me. You describe things really clearly and I'm sorry you're living through this. Please resist the lure of suicidality.

 

[mosaic hearts]

I understand how hard it is to go to work when feeling depressed. I used to feel like that. You are definitely not a failure, just going thru some things.

Thank you, @Lane.🌸💕

 

[mosaic hearts]

@ mosaic hearts: Your testament resonates with me because it all seems so familiar....I dragged myself through years of my own version of pretty much a comparable kind of mindset and feelings.
I eventually emerged into a better space.......far from good but nevertheless not quite so bad.
OK, I don't to make this about me. You describe things really clearly and I'm sorry you're living through this. Please resist the lure of suicidality.

Thank you! Love & hugs coming your way!💓

 

[AvidFan]

Worried by some of the typos I've seen myself write here. If I'm submitting work with typos I'm f787cked.

 

[KM76710]

Still in cardiac unit after 3 days,waiting. Tests have revealed that it is normal in every way but it beats at 42 beats per minute way slower than it should be. They say if I was 84 no brainer then they would do the pacemaker but at my young age they want to make sure I need one. 42 beats per minute would be okay for a runner but I am not. I average about 60 beats per minute normally.
So tomorrow I may get the pacemaker. I’m not afraid of dying which is a rare occurrence but of the pain. They have scared me with some of the test side effects but I am confident about death. But I would like to live for some reason. Which means I have to do something to get the heart rate up.
it’s not cancer which is worse because of the chemo. I hope I would choose death over chemo but you never know how you will react to the prognosis.
so another day of waiting is over and hopefully tomorrow some answers. Love to all

Thank you for the update. I hope they can get things right for you.

 

[Bergerac]

@Survivorist Thanks for reminding me to choose strength over giving-in. I am working forwards on my project.

 

[cymbele]

My daughter found the SF page on my tablet and asked if there was anything that she needed to do because of my two stints in the psychiatric ward before. I said SF. Was pro life peer to peer support and that you were my friends. she kind of accepted that. But I have a feeling that I will be closely monitored.

one thing. The pacemaker will be inserted on Monday. The doctors are baffled but there’s no recourse now but inserti.

 

[Angie]

My daughter found the SF page on my tablet and asked if there was anything that she needed to do because of my two stints in the psychiatric ward before. I said SF. Was pro life peer to peer support and that you were my friends. she kind of accepted that. But I have a feeling that I will be closely monitored.

one thing. The pacemaker will be inserted on Monday. The doctors are baffled but there’s no recourse now but inserti.

Thinking of and praying for you.

 

[KM76710]

My daughter found the SF page on my tablet and asked if there was anything that she needed to do because of my two stints in the psychiatric ward before. I said SF. Was pro life peer to peer support and that you were my friends. she kind of accepted that. But I have a feeling that I will be closely monitored.

one thing. The pacemaker will be inserted on Monday. The doctors are baffled but there’s no recourse now but inserti.

In some ways it may be good for her to check out the site. See that you have many that offer up comfort and when we have some advice on how you may find a way that is pleasing.

 

[Livelife]

I’m not sure at the moment. Mostly excited and nervous and complimented along with other. I just got a call from someone that used to be a boss of mine. She offered me a part time nursing job. I told her I would think about it over the weekend and let her know Monday. Wow.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Impatiently waiting to leave this world.

 

[AvidFan]

Amazed. That I have again worked all day on no sleep. What am I? A machine? No, because you can actually switch machines off 🤨 I feel awful when I "wake up" having not slept, but then somehow keep going.

 

[Auri]

I am so cold. Wearing two jumpers and using my electric heater, I am not ready for winter at all.

 

[Livelife]

Amazed. That I have again worked all day on no sleep. What am I? A machine? No, because you can actually switch machines off 🤨 I feel awful when I "wake up" having not slept, but then somehow keep going.

It is amazing isn’t it…

 

[Bergerac]

What a lovely day. Very grateful to the people here, who helped make it that way. xxx

 

[Inanimate]

Like an outsider. Granted, I feel markedly less so here, but my presence still seems so pointless. I want to improve that, but it’s difficult to see the merit in improving when I already perceive myself as a tragic figure. The excuses just never end. I just want to die. As usual.

 

[Windhover]

hug if it helps @Inanimate.

I'm glad you are alive and here, but sorry that you don't feel connected to people (?) in real life. I'm glad that SF exists because for me it's the only place where I'm really at all comfortable. I hope some cofort is found here for you too.

 

[Astrid78]

Feeling good.