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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
It's complicated
My thoughts are pretty disorganized, but I want to at least post something, as I haven't been around, people have reached out, and I don't want to concern anyone.
A few days ago marked 13 years since I arrived here. The first person to welcome me was jimk (Jim's Cafe). The second was @total eclipse (
) And as silly as it might sound, I wanted to mark that anniversary in a positive and philosophical way, with reflections of how I've been cured of suicidal ideations, and life was beautiful. Unrealistic expectations.
I think there has been progress, or at least things aren't always as bad as what brought me to SF. The truth is that I still have SI, as well as other living problems. Sometimes life is anything but beautiful. Sometimes it's just gritting my teeth to survive, and avoid making permanent decisions.
I feel stretched thin now, and I'm not so good at communicating - even some of the innocuous questions in Jim's Cafe have me wondering all day how to answer. Seriously
I'm having mood swings. Something is true, later (that hour, day, month) something is opposite, but equally true. When it's like that, I'm deep in a state of indecision, even paralyzed. Lately the cycles have been almost constant up and downs. I'm mostly depressed, with freaky spikes of anxiety, irritability, impulsiveness.
When I feel strong, I'm resilient, and I'm confident that whatever life has for me, I can accept it, deal with it, and be ok.
The cycles leave me feeling worn and brittle, like the right blow would shatter me.
And about the 13 years - I haven't been here consistently, maybe a couple of years at first, then this couple of years recently. In between were mostly gaps, occasionally to show up again, for a day or maybe a couple of months. I don't want to go completely inactive here, I get a lot from this place, in a positive way. But I think for a while, I'm going to limit my exposure here. Or maybe tomorrow, my mood might swing the other way, and I'll be here fulltime again.
peace
My thoughts are pretty disorganized, but I want to at least post something, as I haven't been around, people have reached out, and I don't want to concern anyone.
A few days ago marked 13 years since I arrived here. The first person to welcome me was jimk (Jim's Cafe). The second was @total eclipse (
) And as silly as it might sound, I wanted to mark that anniversary in a positive and philosophical way, with reflections of how I've been cured of suicidal ideations, and life was beautiful. Unrealistic expectations.I think there has been progress, or at least things aren't always as bad as what brought me to SF. The truth is that I still have SI, as well as other living problems. Sometimes life is anything but beautiful. Sometimes it's just gritting my teeth to survive, and avoid making permanent decisions.
I feel stretched thin now, and I'm not so good at communicating - even some of the innocuous questions in Jim's Cafe have me wondering all day how to answer. Seriously
I'm having mood swings. Something is true, later (that hour, day, month) something is opposite, but equally true. When it's like that, I'm deep in a state of indecision, even paralyzed. Lately the cycles have been almost constant up and downs. I'm mostly depressed, with freaky spikes of anxiety, irritability, impulsiveness.
When I feel strong, I'm resilient, and I'm confident that whatever life has for me, I can accept it, deal with it, and be ok.
The cycles leave me feeling worn and brittle, like the right blow would shatter me.
And about the 13 years - I haven't been here consistently, maybe a couple of years at first, then this couple of years recently. In between were mostly gaps, occasionally to show up again, for a day or maybe a couple of months. I don't want to go completely inactive here, I get a lot from this place, in a positive way. But I think for a while, I'm going to limit my exposure here. Or maybe tomorrow, my mood might swing the other way, and I'll be here fulltime again.
peace
It's complicated
My thoughts are pretty disorganized, but I want to at least post something, as I haven't been around, people have reached out, and I don't want to concern anyone.
A few days ago marked 13 years since I arrived here. The first person to welcome me was jimk (Jim's Cafe). The second was @total eclipse () And as silly as it might sound, I wanted to mark that anniversary in a positive and philosophical way, with reflections of how I've been cured of suicidal ideations, and life was beautiful. Unrealistic expectations.
I think there has been progress, or at least things aren't always as bad as what brought me to SF. The truth is that I still have SI, as well as other living problems. Sometimes life is anything but beautiful. Sometimes it's just gritting my teeth to survive, and avoid making permanent decisions.
I feel stretched thin now, and I'm not so good at communicating - even some of the innocuous questions in Jim's Cafe have me wondering all day how to answer. Seriously
I'm having mood swings. Something is true, later (that hour, day, month) something is opposite, but equally true. When it's like that, I'm deep in a state of indecision, even paralyzed. Lately the cycles have been almost constant up and downs. I'm mostly depressed, with freaky spikes of anxiety, irritability, impulsiveness.
When I feel strong, I'm resilient, and I'm confident that whatever life has for me, I can accept it, deal with it, and be ok.
The cycles leave me feeling worn and brittle, like the right blow would shatter me.
And about the 13 years - I haven't been here consistently, maybe a couple of years at first, then this couple of years recently. In between were mostly gaps, occasionally to show up again, for a day or maybe a couple of months. I don't want to go completely inactive here, I get a lot from this place, in a positive way. But I think for a while, I'm going to limit my exposure here. Or maybe tomorrow, my mood might swing the other way, and I'll be here fulltime again.
peace
My thoughts are pretty disorganized, but I want to at least post something, as I haven't been around, people have reached out, and I don't want to concern anyone.
A few days ago marked 13 years since I arrived here. The first person to welcome me was jimk (Jim's Cafe). The second was @total eclipse (
) And as silly as it might sound, I wanted to mark that anniversary in a positive and philosophical way, with reflections of how I've been cured of suicidal ideations, and life was beautiful. Unrealistic expectations.I think there has been progress, or at least things aren't always as bad as what brought me to SF. The truth is that I still have SI, as well as other living problems. Sometimes life is anything but beautiful. Sometimes it's just gritting my teeth to survive, and avoid making permanent decisions.
I feel stretched thin now, and I'm not so good at communicating - even some of the innocuous questions in Jim's Cafe have me wondering all day how to answer. Seriously
I'm having mood swings. Something is true, later (that hour, day, month) something is opposite, but equally true. When it's like that, I'm deep in a state of indecision, even paralyzed. Lately the cycles have been almost constant up and downs. I'm mostly depressed, with freaky spikes of anxiety, irritability, impulsiveness.
When I feel strong, I'm resilient, and I'm confident that whatever life has for me, I can accept it, deal with it, and be ok.
The cycles leave me feeling worn and brittle, like the right blow would shatter me.
And about the 13 years - I haven't been here consistently, maybe a couple of years at first, then this couple of years recently. In between were mostly gaps, occasionally to show up again, for a day or maybe a couple of months. I don't want to go completely inactive here, I get a lot from this place, in a positive way. But I think for a while, I'm going to limit my exposure here. Or maybe tomorrow, my mood might swing the other way, and I'll be here fulltime again.
peace
I feel awful. I've had a stomach flu since Friday. I will avoid TMI but its been bad.
I have an appointment for some tests tomorrow morning at my doctor's office, and I really don't want to go.
My thoughts have been very sad today, and my nightmares don't help. Its one of those days where I am suicidal simply because I feel bad mentally and physically.
I have an appointment for some tests tomorrow morning at my doctor's office, and I really don't want to go.
My thoughts have been very sad today, and my nightmares don't help. Its one of those days where I am suicidal simply because I feel bad mentally and physically.
4 days into unemployment and I’m already getting nervous. I’m afraid I’m going to have to vent my frustration here at the job market as I am already feeling insecure. I’m in good shape financially but medical insurance and bills are going to take the nest egg away until I qualify for social security In August. Even then I’m going to have to pay for supplemental insurance.
so tomorrow I’m going to start anew and look for jobs. I will try to keep my venting to a minimum but I’m hoping that I won’t go suicidal again. Jobs have a tendency to bring out suicidal thoughts and venting keeps them from being acted on. Please bear with me
so tomorrow I’m going to start anew and look for jobs. I will try to keep my venting to a minimum but I’m hoping that I won’t go suicidal again. Jobs have a tendency to bring out suicidal thoughts and venting keeps them from being acted on. Please bear with me
While I am okay, I also feel I've made a decision about going back. To being a single person I mean. I am better, more peaceful, more myself, when I am away from this person. He's not bad or anything like that but there's just nothing except negative remarks about other people every day and evening. I cannot be listening to this much longer. How do I get out without hurting someone's feelings - is a dreadful feeling. I can intellectualise all I want about this but hard cold fact is he wants confirmation of his attitude of doom and I can't provide that anymore. I am a sunnier person than I used to be. SO i feel dreadful.
