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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Getting horribly worried and anxious about.. nothing really I think. Must just be the brain going haywire. Probably slept too few hours tonight, was up very early. Might have forgotten to eat properly yesterday.
So make sure to eat all the meals today and get a good nights sleep and everything will be fine tomorrow. Nothing bad is going to happen even if it feels that way.
And right now focus on doing the dishes and some vacuuming.
So make sure to eat all the meals today and get a good nights sleep and everything will be fine tomorrow. Nothing bad is going to happen even if it feels that way.
And right now focus on doing the dishes and some vacuuming.
I like that saying, taking my ball and go home. I cant be fucked anymore, i just get someone who throws the ball in my face and i end up wanting to run home with my ball.
Been listening to 'the courage to be happy'. Which talks about people who go to therapy tend to talk about either 'poor me' or 'the bad person' and dont talk about 'what im to do now'. While i think i am doing 'now' like the house, i just cant get away from poor me. Where i cant be fucked even looking for the ball anymore.
Been listening to 'the courage to be happy'. Which talks about people who go to therapy tend to talk about either 'poor me' or 'the bad person' and dont talk about 'what im to do now'. While i think i am doing 'now' like the house, i just cant get away from poor me. Where i cant be fucked even looking for the ball anymore.
Pissed off. So I survive the week from hell then there's some delay getting paid. I go to the opticians for my new glasses and I fucking hate them. They pushed varifocals on me. I utterly detest them from the minute I put them on, even bobbing my head about I literally cannot read properly. I have to move my phone or head up and down to read the text I'm typing vs looking at the keyboard at the bottom of the phone screen. And they're rubbish for my laptop which is 99% of my working life. £208 for that. Fortunately they offer them on trial, so as soon as I get a minute I'll be going back for a pair of reading glasses and and a pair of distance ones. It's not like I actually can't see without the distance ones, can just see a bit more clearly, so old films on the TV look more pixellated and more crap - wonderful benefit. I'm off to the pound shop to get some readers for my laptop. The optician said use my old reading glasses for that as my vision has lenghthened - but both pairs are fucking broken. Paying for my eye test and getting new glasses has made my life functionally worse. Marvellous.
😥I relate to the experience of the above. And that is finally what a did last year. I have a pair for reading which I need and a recently acquired pair of sunglasses for distance when I drive even though I don’t really need them, I do need the sunglasses now that I got diagnosed with beginning cataracts. So our vision issues sounds about the same.
In these situations I feel like I have been personally robbed and want to call the police to report the crime. However, I imagine they may indeed not see it quite the way I do, but I feel its unfair that you can't report people like this, because you were basically robbed blind (pardon the pun) of your hard earned £208 - robbing b**tards.
FWIW - my therapist is focused on problem solving/skills practice. I'm seeing her for PTSD and only that, but instead of focusing on the past, it's how do I get the skills now to manage how it affects me in the present. I will say, she is one of the good ones. I have heard horror stories about clinicians displaying total disinterest in what their clients are talking about and offer useless platitudes instead of concrete actions. Those are the ones I will move on from immediately.
In peer support groups re: substance use disorder - there is a saying that "poor me," leads to "pour me - a drink" if we let it fester. Actions, not solely thinking about the problem, are what makes things better. Seems obvious when I think about it, but good luck getting it through to me when I thought that I would physically die if I went too long without alcohol.
In peer support groups re: substance use disorder - there is a saying that "poor me," leads to "pour me - a drink" if we let it fester. Actions, not solely thinking about the problem, are what makes things better. Seems obvious when I think about it, but good luck getting it through to me when I thought that I would physically die if I went too long without alcohol.
He starts talking about how I parent his younger half brother. But it's not his place to do so. I do my best, I love them both, but my older son doesn't understand my younger. He actually physically attacked my younger at Christmas. Talk about hurtful, he was on top of my younger, saying ''you might be my brother but you don't have the same father!'' ugghhh. I don't even want to talk to my older son now. His life is in order. He's lucky he has a job after what he's done otherwise. He seems to have always looked down on me, and a lot of that came from judgement from my own parents. They'd tell him stuff they never should have or that wasn't true. Thanks for replying and asking, it helps to get this out. It's been bothering me since that phone call.
And yes, he's totally against any medication, even tylenol. He thinks any psychiatric problem I have is because I have demons or something. He's extreme in his views (Christian) and it's been hurtful in the past. I know I had a seizure when he didn't tell me where we were going. He brought me to a church outside where a bunch of women were praying around me, all at the same time... I had just had a seizure earlier in the year, yet he insists I was ''demon possesed'' sorry that got long... I cant care I need it out of me.
And yes, he's totally against any medication, even tylenol. He thinks any psychiatric problem I have is because I have demons or something. He's extreme in his views (Christian) and it's been hurtful in the past. I know I had a seizure when he didn't tell me where we were going. He brought me to a church outside where a bunch of women were praying around me, all at the same time... I had just had a seizure earlier in the year, yet he insists I was ''demon possesed'' sorry that got long... I cant care I need it out of me.
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Oh dear, that is worse than I even could have suspected. Gosh I don't think anyone should go through that much. I am glad to read that telling the story has been cathartic. I think it wasn't long at all - I think you have seen my own posts! lol 
After reading this, I would support you in cutting him off, rather than the other way around. I know it is not my place to evaluate the problem, but that's my visceral reaction after reading this. I have been reflecting on my faith today, and this is definitely relevant. I will put something in the appropriate forum. Also, the incident with taking you to a prayer circle instead of helping you or taking you to get care is frightening. Feel free to write more if it's helpful. If it's not something you want to put out there, you could send it to my inbox and I would be sure to read it. Barring anything huge happening like an asteroid hitting us or geopolitical instability blowing up, that is.
Of course you could also write it out and delete it or tear it up, depending on soft vs hard copy. I have used this rarely, but it does seem to help.
I would caution that sometimes this technique can be counterproductive for me. If I find myself becoming more agitated than when I started, I might go on my little storytelling spree well after the time where being angry would be constructive. I'm shifting from the view that "what they did hurt me, so I need to get back at them!" to, "I am angry. I am uncomfortable, so is that anger helping?" This isn't a rhetorical question as we have anger for a reason. That said it does get out of hand sometimes (okay most of the time because I'm a hot-head). Sometimes I have setbacks, but that's the case with any new skill. I can say that I am getting a lot, a lot of practice with agitation. This leaves me with ample opportunities to practice. May you be well.
After reading this, I would support you in cutting him off, rather than the other way around. I know it is not my place to evaluate the problem, but that's my visceral reaction after reading this. I have been reflecting on my faith today, and this is definitely relevant. I will put something in the appropriate forum. Also, the incident with taking you to a prayer circle instead of helping you or taking you to get care is frightening. Feel free to write more if it's helpful. If it's not something you want to put out there, you could send it to my inbox and I would be sure to read it. Barring anything huge happening like an asteroid hitting us or geopolitical instability blowing up, that is. Of course you could also write it out and delete it or tear it up, depending on soft vs hard copy. I have used this rarely, but it does seem to help.
I would caution that sometimes this technique can be counterproductive for me. If I find myself becoming more agitated than when I started, I might go on my little storytelling spree well after the time where being angry would be constructive. I'm shifting from the view that "what they did hurt me, so I need to get back at them!" to, "I am angry. I am uncomfortable, so is that anger helping?" This isn't a rhetorical question as we have anger for a reason. That said it does get out of hand sometimes (okay most of the time because I'm a hot-head). Sometimes I have setbacks, but that's the case with any new skill. I can say that I am getting a lot, a lot of practice with agitation. This leaves me with ample opportunities to practice. May you be well.
Awake. This is like the bad old Saturdays where I'd skip my sleeping meds on Fridays and then ultimately not sleep (go figure). I forgot to take my meagre 5mg dose of amitriptyline last night (have tapered from 10mg after a disastrous abrupt accidental cessation at the start of the year) and struggled to go to sleep then stay asleep, so the 5mg must still be doing something even though it's half the minimum clinical dose. So I end up getting up at 7.45am on a Saturday.
I've swapped intermittent nausea and left leg weirdness for pains in my right leg now. Totally different symptomatology to what was going on with the left leg. The last months have been a constellation of bizarre symptoms that come and go with no rhyme or reason. Some stuff like the ribs make sense. Some stuff correlates with amitriptyline withdrawal, but sometimes not. Some can be put down to injury, and fatigue and stress from overwork. But some are just plain weird. And seeing a doctor doesn't work. The last time I went in with a constellation of symptoms the doctor said either let's work on one symptom at a time, you'll have to book another appointment to discuss the other symptoms, speak to reception on the way out so they can tell you they don't actually have any appointments. Yeah your blood pressure's fine, but we'll talk about x, y and z another time. Or "it's stress, just avoid stress....."
I've swapped intermittent nausea and left leg weirdness for pains in my right leg now. Totally different symptomatology to what was going on with the left leg. The last months have been a constellation of bizarre symptoms that come and go with no rhyme or reason. Some stuff like the ribs make sense. Some stuff correlates with amitriptyline withdrawal, but sometimes not. Some can be put down to injury, and fatigue and stress from overwork. But some are just plain weird. And seeing a doctor doesn't work. The last time I went in with a constellation of symptoms the doctor said either let's work on one symptom at a time, you'll have to book another appointment to discuss the other symptoms, speak to reception on the way out so they can tell you they don't actually have any appointments. Yeah your blood pressure's fine, but we'll talk about x, y and z another time. Or "it's stress, just avoid stress....."
Well, don't plan to much, maybe just a passing thought. I have faith that you can ride out the lows, even though it's hell (as I experience these also/ and likely will be talking about my own suicidal thoughts at some point over the weekend). It sounds like your working hard and putting effort into your self care - keep going..