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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Really down. My friend who has lost his job and is attempting a career change at 64 years old is really discouraged by the job market. His problem is lots of retail jobs and he wants to be an office worker. His computer skills are weak. But he hasn't had any interviews so what do I know?
Why am I the one down in the dumps? Basically he calls me up every night and looks for me to provide encouragement. Which I have none having been in his unemployed state for nearly a year once. He has enough for rent through November and I have a spare room and I DON'T WANT A ROOMMATE especially one I can't get rid of.
Plus I hate my job and am going to talk to my financial guy about ft retirement which I don't want but is preferable to what I am doing now. How's it going to seem when I don't have a job and he is searching for one or maybe with a stroke of luck gets one but doesn't have enough to move out. URRRRGGGH. Maybe I should have stuck this response in Petty complaints except I'm scared he is going to move in. And I'm depressed without the added burden.
Why am I the one down in the dumps? Basically he calls me up every night and looks for me to provide encouragement. Which I have none having been in his unemployed state for nearly a year once. He has enough for rent through November and I have a spare room and I DON'T WANT A ROOMMATE especially one I can't get rid of.
Plus I hate my job and am going to talk to my financial guy about ft retirement which I don't want but is preferable to what I am doing now. How's it going to seem when I don't have a job and he is searching for one or maybe with a stroke of luck gets one but doesn't have enough to move out. URRRRGGGH. Maybe I should have stuck this response in Petty complaints except I'm scared he is going to move in. And I'm depressed without the added burden.
It's Friday. I just have a bit of admin and plate spinning to do, but I'll let the cogs turn as much as I can. Also going to lie down and try to rest my head and body a bit. Less screens. Might have got a bit of sleep last night, body battery on my watch charged more than it has all week. Still feel a bit rubbish, but not as bad as some points this week.
Awkward. I took my nighttime meds 3.5 hours ago and still awake at 2:30 in the morning. I felt horribly sleepy around 8:00-9:00 pm. I guess I got a second wind. However, I don’t want to do anything. I tried surfing youtube and found nothing of interest, which is unusual for me.
Usually I can find something about science or about living with one of my symptoms to hold my attention, but it is like the feeling isn’t there. I might as well be watching tutorials on how to do bookkeeping in Cantonese (I don’t know a word of Cantonese btw).
I did make a grilled cheese sandwich in the air fryer, but I’m not tasting things normally. I think it’s the same dynamic as not being entertained by anything. This is usually a sign that I’m slipping into a depressive episode.
I’m going to take another 1/2 of the pills I take to help me fall asleep. This is after discussing with my provider, and he said it’s okay to do every so often. I’m going to listen to a guided meditation for sleep. There’s this one teacher on my meditation app who has a professional hypnotherapy practice. The guided meditations are not hypnotic or about self hypnosis, but she has a really soothing voice and uses a lot of imagery. I’m imagining that the hypnotherapy training is informing her style of approaching the guided meditations that she releases, although I can’t say for sure.
Usually I can find something about science or about living with one of my symptoms to hold my attention, but it is like the feeling isn’t there. I might as well be watching tutorials on how to do bookkeeping in Cantonese (I don’t know a word of Cantonese btw).
I did make a grilled cheese sandwich in the air fryer, but I’m not tasting things normally. I think it’s the same dynamic as not being entertained by anything. This is usually a sign that I’m slipping into a depressive episode.
I’m going to take another 1/2 of the pills I take to help me fall asleep. This is after discussing with my provider, and he said it’s okay to do every so often. I’m going to listen to a guided meditation for sleep. There’s this one teacher on my meditation app who has a professional hypnotherapy practice. The guided meditations are not hypnotic or about self hypnosis, but she has a really soothing voice and uses a lot of imagery. I’m imagining that the hypnotherapy training is informing her style of approaching the guided meditations that she releases, although I can’t say for sure.
Vindicated. 3 weeks ago sister messaged asking if I was OK. I said I was struggling with a lot of problems. "Oh I'm sure you'll sort them out." A week ago she messaged again, I said I wasn't OK. "Oh hope you feel better soon". No, what's up? Why? Anything I can help with? Nothing at all. Last night she messaged a similar banal message. I didn't reply as I was overloaded. Lately I've been dealing with quite a lot of stuff, no different today, so when I got a follow up as if to say why haven't you told me you're OK yet, I spelled it out. She didn't even reply. It's a good job I'm not on the edge today as I that might have triggered me into finally opening my method last week. This is the family I've got. Uncaring, unempathic, not interested in even offering a word of support. Complete twats. I think maybe it's better to stop pretending. My sister does not like me and never has. Lots of complicated reasons. But my family are all cut from the same cloth and I am the odd one out. Too educated, too liberal, too introverted. Fuck 'em. I'm not ctb because of these twats, that's something I can say at the moment. But imagine how they'd feel if I did, after I've been screaming so silently for so long.... go back over the messages. Why didn't he talk to someone to say how he was feeling. Oh he did - he just was always invisible.
Anxious. Got a bloke with a petrol mower and strimmer unleashed on my garden. Sounds like all hell is breaking loose. I didn't plan this for today - booked for Sunday but he said he could come today. Thought might as well. So much for a quiet day. Have had emails to deal with, painful family dynamics and now what sounds like a motorbike and chainsaw combo going hard at my garden. The gate fell off. Needs a new one of them - not that bothered as there's an alleygate beyond to keep out undesirable people and goats/dogs etc. (don't get many goats, well none actually but it sounded funny!)
Very likely, I agree. That's on a mark against them, not you, no matter what they've told you.
It can be freeing to realise you are not in fact one of them. A psychiatrist enlightened me when she said to look at it from her perspective: it's great to not be a part of that group. This was after learning the stories about their behaviour.
hug
It can be freeing to realise you are not in fact one of them. A psychiatrist enlightened me when she said to look at it from her perspective: it's great to not be a part of that group. This was after learning the stories about their behaviour.
hug
I survived the lawnmower man. Got a tidy garden now and my hedge is no longer hiding my door. Bonus that I didnt do it with shears and break my ribs like in May. Think it will be worth getting the person out more often in the spring as he charged a fair rate (to be honest it seemed very cheap). I would much rather someone else take the strain of that kind of thing, and he brought all his own tools.
I'm feeling useless, bitter, and broken. Also have only had a couple full night sleeps since some time in August, and those were because I was still feeling the propofol.
I can stand this. I am standing it. But I also cannot stop thinking of how much I wish I didn't have to. If the proverbial bus were headed my way, I wouldn't try to dodge. I would simply wait for sweet, merciful release. I know this will pass, but I also know it will come back again, a pattern that will likely repeat until I do finally get my wish.
I can stand this. I am standing it. But I also cannot stop thinking of how much I wish I didn't have to. If the proverbial bus were headed my way, I wouldn't try to dodge. I would simply wait for sweet, merciful release. I know this will pass, but I also know it will come back again, a pattern that will likely repeat until I do finally get my wish.
Sorry to hear you are struggling with all this. I feel almost the same @LumberJack. At the moment I am not bitter, thankfully, but am resentful and depressed about having to be resigned to this stupid pttern. I don't think there is anything in the matrices I've failed to see, but perhaps there's an anomaly I've missed and life is still open to change.