How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Windhover]

Your description is exactly it @Gonz, thank you.

For months it's processed in a number of ways, I've berated myself, been mindful about it, asked myself to visualise being safe where I am, said my sort of prayers to the powers that be, allowed it to gently roll through my mind while running, but no answer has come. so what the he** am I supposed to do. < That is a rhetorical question: I am not asking anyone to fix it or help me. At least now I know I'm not the only person to suffer from it.

 

[Windhover]

It’s hard, you don’t feel fully yourself in a place you don’t belong, and the ocean gets into your head in a way that being near it becomes a core part of your identity.

I meant to quote this above.

 

[Windhover]

I'm almost positive there is a word for that feeling. I'll have to put it on the back burner of my mind and see if anything pops up. So, just curious if you'd be okay with any beach (possible the Pacific coast in your region)? Or is it that specific spot in NZ?

Yeah I think maybe there is, I was noodling around in my head for a word specifically for missing and needing the ocean, but it's okay.

I can't satisfy your curiousity LumberJack except to say it feels like how I described it in my post.

 

[AmberMarie]

Deceptively hopeful

 

[Congratsbaby]

Sunshine and storm

 

[Angie]

was admitted overnight to the small hospital here in town

lots of tests, dire diagnosis, then they took it back and sent me home with instructions to go see the far away surgeon that did my hysterectomy.

my car broke down at the hospital

had a falling out with my therapist and care coordinator (two different people in a week)

 

[crowgarden]

was admitted overnight to the small hospital here in town

lots of tests, dire diagnosis, then they took it back and sent me home with instructions to go see the far away surgeon that did my hysterectomy.

my car broke down at the hospital

had a falling out with my therapist and care coordinator (two different people in a week)

i'm really sorry, that sounds horrible :c
i hope everything works out

 

[Windhover]

@Angie virtual (h) if you want.

Though I'm sorry you had to engage in conflicts with those people, we're on your side . Hopefully a good change is on its way.

Sending my kind of prayer for your health and peace of mind too.

 

[BlackSheep 007]

Balanced, guess OK. So hot here....

 

[TragicReality]

I've a mess to clean, and it's overwhelming.

 

[Windhover]

Trepidatious. I've got to navigate and get through a social interaction with serene detachment. Wish me luck.

 

[KM76710]

was admitted overnight to the small hospital here in town

lots of tests, dire diagnosis, then they took it back and sent me home with instructions to go see the far away surgeon that did my hysterectomy.

my car broke down at the hospital

had a falling out with my therapist and care coordinator (two different people in a week)

The problems that seem to pile up without end can be the most disheartening. You never feel like you are breaking water let alone getting even a bit ahead. Hoping that some relief comes to you soon so that you will be able to get a handle on at least part of the problems being faced.

 

[Something.idk]

Tired. I think i need to be locked up. I find references to my sick thoughts everywhere but on the bright side i found a video series thing that describes exactly how i feel like so i feel a little less alone. I act like a jerk.

 

[KM76710]

Tired. I think i need to be locked up. I find references to my sick thoughts everywhere but on the bright side i found a video series thing that describes exactly how i feel like so i feel a little less alone. I act like a jerk.

I am glad that you do not feel like you are so alone. I don't see that you are a jerk or act like one in the least here. It is good that you are finding things that may bring you some comfort in a weary world.

 

[AvidFan]

Trepidatious. I've got to navigate and get through a social interaction with serene detachment. Wish me luck.

I hope it goes/went OK!

 

[LumberJack]

Trepidatious. I've got to navigate and get through a social interaction with serene detachment. Wish me luck.

That sounds dicey. I wish you luck and grace. And, if all else fails... never mind. My "if all else fails" should probably not be yours. Or mine, or anyone's, really. So, grace and luck and if things go badly, then whatever (healthy or healthy-ish) coping mechanism is called for!

 

[Gonz]

That sounds dicey. I wish you luck and grace. And, if all else fails... never mind. My "if all else fails" should probably not be yours. Or mine, or anyone's, really. So, grace and luck and if things go badly, then whatever (healthy or healthy-ish) coping mechanism is called for!

If all else fails, there’s always the can of gas and book of matches in my trunk. Hell, things don’t even need to fail; if I get bored theres always the can of gas and book of matches in my trunk.

I’m going to my car for a minute. I just have to do a, uh, a thing.

 

[ravens]

was admitted overnight to the small hospital here in town

lots of tests, dire diagnosis, then they took it back and sent me home with instructions to go see the far away surgeon that did my hysterectomy.

my car broke down at the hospital

had a falling out with my therapist and care coordinator (two different people in a week)

Hey Angie i hope things will go well with the surgery. It all sounds like a lot going on in a short amount of time. Hang in there

 

[ravens]

I dislike the concept of the human experience/life often. It has some good moments though. I wish i was religious but I've never been able to. Just all seems a bit pointless so i guess the meaning is just the connections we make along the way. Tired of trying to act happy. Though I've had some really good moments, it's all just very tiring when it feels like life is mostly a performance.

 

[Gonz]

I wonder if the problem is that I’m too unwilling talk openly, or that the people I’d be okay doing that with are not here.

Mind you, I don’t expect people to do much of anything when I do talk about stuff. Just, like, “Wow, you’re pretty messed up/things are messed up for you (and now I have detailed and precise account of exactly how). Still wanna be your friend though” is the reaction I want.

I don’t expect anyone to fix anything, I just want them to care.

I have this pervasive belief that people would avoid or abandon me altogether if they knew where my head was at. That, honestly, they already want to do that and are just looking for an excuse. So the urge to talk to my few close friends is also (very unfairly) an urge to “test” them.

There have only been a couple people where it felt like being open was not an unwelcome burden on them, where I felt comfortable with it. Now 1 is dead and I barely see the other.