Thanks lane but dont feel like a good person. My kids are young ages 8 and 10. Thats whats making hard cause they understand but dont adding my son wont sleep in his own bed. Everynight he wants to sleep with me cause he thinks he isnt going to see me again if i leave. Its definitely not going to happen that tho. Me and my wife already talked about 50/50 custody but i know she cant afford the bills on her own. Thats what worries me. Kids need both parents nomatter what. Kids always need there parents nomatter what there age.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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@SillyOldBear Sending thoughts of strength and care to you. I hope you've got things to distract you a bit while waiting for the MRI.
Depressed. Emotional blunting, no interest or enjoyment in normally pleasant activities all day, everything that is normally a mild annoyance is suddenly like coarse sandpaper on my skin.
I took a nap because I couldn't do anything else due to getting 3 hrs or so of sleep last night. I listened to a guided fall asleep meditation to counter my racing and intrusive thoughts. Started crying bitterly. Feeling grief that I think is coming up due to long-term loneliness and I'm paralyzed about my financial problem.
It's hard to tell if I have depression or I'm just a severe realist. I've been thinking i should seek help. I would say i have a fairly stressful job and i don't cope well with stress. The main thing that's helped in my life is sports but it's getting harder every year getting older and doing a physical job that breaks you down. My wife is in chronic pain. I have no savings. Keeping a friend group is exhausting. Life is hard. I have a lot to be thankful for though.
When my children were young my ex-husband and I had 50/50 custody. The judge or mediator will probably have you pay child support to her. But she could always get a second part-time job. Thats what I did. Im sure you've given all this a lot of thought. Its definitely an adjustment for the children, living in two houses. But in time it becomes routine and they , or at least mine adapted. Sorry that youre going thru all this. Hope you have a decent day.
Woke up feeling better. I did a couple things yesterday that were scary, but I did them. Now I feel a little accomplished and less defeated. I have been reading about OCD exposure therapy. It seems like just reading about it is a tiny exposure for me, and it is therapeutic to be able to do something no matter how small. Today I am aiming to keep building momentum.
Something that I am exploring is the idea that maybe it’s okay to feel like sh*t. I would rather feel better, but I have to take what action I can, or I will only feel worse.
Something that I am exploring is the idea that maybe it’s okay to feel like sh*t. I would rather feel better, but I have to take what action I can, or I will only feel worse.
Bad. Several of the pillars of refuge and holdout for corroboration of my beliefs are collapsing, I'm being struck by the permanence of desecration, and I am finding my worldly support for my desperate hope to either be sliding away, proving it was never real, or being delusion built by wishful thinking.
My only intrinsic reason for living being some illusion to be shattered = suicide feels like the only option. Again.
My only intrinsic reason for living being some illusion to be shattered = suicide feels like the only option. Again.
I just hit a (metaphorical) wall. I got a lot done today out running errands, but the sun was intense and I about overheated. When I got back to my place it's like my sleep debt from last week suddenly came due in full and I just don't even want to be standing.
However, my mood is still better than it was yesterday. I have been having ridiculous pain in my TMJ (jaw joint) but saw the dentist who specializes in that today. He gave me a good explanation of why the pain is so excruciating and taught me some self massage to do over the area to get things to calm down, if only partially. On the way home I got some Aleve (naproxen) so that I don't have to pop pills 4x a day. I like that better because with ibuprofen and Tylenol/paracetamol/acetaminophen wearing off after 3 hours (label says four but yay for my powerful liver, I guess) the pain would spike up as those fell off. Pain usually makes me grumpy af but feeling like I have something to do about the cause and not just swallow pills every day is making that less annoying.
However, my mood is still better than it was yesterday. I have been having ridiculous pain in my TMJ (jaw joint) but saw the dentist who specializes in that today. He gave me a good explanation of why the pain is so excruciating and taught me some self massage to do over the area to get things to calm down, if only partially. On the way home I got some Aleve (naproxen) so that I don't have to pop pills 4x a day. I like that better because with ibuprofen and Tylenol/paracetamol/acetaminophen wearing off after 3 hours (label says four but yay for my powerful liver, I guess) the pain would spike up as those fell off. Pain usually makes me grumpy af but feeling like I have something to do about the cause and not just swallow pills every day is making that less annoying.