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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Mixed really. Had an OK day as I met one of my few IRL friends. Bitter sweet as she is moving 150 miles away soon, though I am invited to stay in her new place, if I can figure out how to make my body survive a train journey. Did some walking with the dog but had to cut it short as my body started rebelling. Have had a medium pain day today, the physio flare has subsided a little, but things still not right. The pain changing MIGHT be a good thing, at least it's not static! Managed to get some walking in, am doing a middling amount. Tomorrow is Sunday and was supposed to be my race day, but of course that's out, so I might try to pick up some work to repair the hole left by losing a big chunk of my earning potential recently (my check is permanently stuck in AI admin hell and the faceless corporations can't be bothered to fix it). So i'm not suicidal right now, but am still a bit tired and worn down. Sending love to anyone who needs it right now ❤️❤️❤️
No! You're not worthless!
You're close to getting help, you're just running into obstacles.
It's horrible to have to deal with obstacles when you're in a crisis, but I've seen the same thing happen again and again here. It's just that the system is crap and it's easy for people to fall through the cracks.
You've still got meds, so I hope you can keep taking those.
You may not be able to see a therapist for a while, but you can still call a crisis line (988), and you can still try to get help from us.
I think some people here like online ai therapy, idk know much about it, but it might be available?
You're close to getting help, you're just running into obstacles.
It's horrible to have to deal with obstacles when you're in a crisis, but I've seen the same thing happen again and again here. It's just that the system is crap and it's easy for people to fall through the cracks.
You've still got meds, so I hope you can keep taking those.
You may not be able to see a therapist for a while, but you can still call a crisis line (988), and you can still try to get help from us.
I think some people here like online ai therapy, idk know much about it, but it might be available?
No will to live. No rush to die either.
And just bought an iphone. Probably not in a good frame of mind for making financial decisions. Too much money for a phone really, even on sale.
So I should go and pick that up in store. At least a reason to get into the shower. Oh, the store is at the opposite tram line end station. Always been meaning to take the tram line all the way and check out how the opposite side of the city looks. Fun!
And just bought an iphone. Probably not in a good frame of mind for making financial decisions. Too much money for a phone really, even on sale.
So I should go and pick that up in store. At least a reason to get into the shower. Oh, the store is at the opposite tram line end station. Always been meaning to take the tram line all the way and check out how the opposite side of the city looks. Fun!
Please keep trying @Lostman85. Can you reschedule your appointment? Also, you are not worthless just someone who's going thru a hard time.
I think of that too @DarkNightshade. How people just look ordinary but could be in pain. I know how this feels, going about the day but ready to break down at any moment. I hope today is a better day for you.
I woke up after 5.5 hours of sleep spinning on what I should have said to assert myself. It doesn’t matter because I’m never going to get myself into that situation again. I’m nonetheless hurting badly. No clue what to do about this. I’m trying and trying to let it go, move on, etc. When I am not able to apply my CBT tools, such as when I am in between sleeping and waking, it comes back up.
I believe that the obsession is my mind trying to protect me from what’s really hurting me right now, which is my despair over not having a job. The financial stress is more than I feel able to handle. On top of that is the isolation. I can go days on end where the only human contact I get is when I’m buying something. I think I am starting to behave recklessly because of the loneliness. I’m not explicitly trying to kms but I’m doing things that make no sense unless I don’t plan to be around much longer.
I believe that the obsession is my mind trying to protect me from what’s really hurting me right now, which is my despair over not having a job. The financial stress is more than I feel able to handle. On top of that is the isolation. I can go days on end where the only human contact I get is when I’m buying something. I think I am starting to behave recklessly because of the loneliness. I’m not explicitly trying to kms but I’m doing things that make no sense unless I don’t plan to be around much longer.
It's beyond belief really. Today was the day I missed my race. My health is still going to shit, and today I had waves and waves of anxiety. I tried to work on a project to earn some money, I put in 3 hours then came to a task-breaking glitch at the end for which there was no solution. I did my best, and had to submit it wrong with a note. I'll get paid - but it could be more work I lose access to. Then to top it all my laptop died. It's hilarious, it died in exactly the same way as my other laptop - fine one minute, then dies. Won't come on. But then will work if you grip one corner tightly - let go and it dies again, Unfrotunately this happened while it was setting up the guest account so I could take it to the repair shop, and now my windows account is gone/beyond repair (only option full reset). Fortunately learned to keep everything in the cloud and have a spare machine, so have just come on that. I hope it continues to work. I'll try to get the other one fixed. But Jesus am I sick of things going wrong.