Feeling very scared. I have a new job that starts Tuesday but I'm not sure I can do it as it's not really something I have a lot of experience in. Plus, it's also going to be more physically demanding and I'm not sure I can handle that. If it doesn't work out, I know how low I'm going to feel and that might push me back to suicide ideation again. The longer I go without a job working out I already know the spiral down feeling that will follow. I will give it my best but I'm not indestructible.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Wishing the best for the new job, that the fear backs off and your energy stays flexible. @Here Then Gone I hope you find the work well suited to you.
Disappointed. My mother divulged a personal matter that I’ve shared with her in confidence, as well as volunteered my phone number, to a consultant at my gym who approached her. This person reached out to me via text offering to talk and share his story (a.k.a., convince me to come back and sell me on some program). I politely declined. Furthermore, I didn’t dignify my mother with an emotional reaction, although I didn’t have much of a choice since her behavior was well within my expectations.
Good luck with the new job @Here Then Gone. Its always daunting when starting a new job. Give yourself some time to learn it and try to be gentle with yourself. You're as smart as anyone else.
Sad and pissed off. I had such a good day yesterday. Walked everywhere, survived buses and showers and calls and even heat.
Then last night I was washing up, dropped a spoon, and bending to pick it up, cracked my perineum on the dehumidifier that was behind me on the floor as I haven't been able to move as picking up heavy objects causes flares. Turned out it was damned if I move it, damned if I don't, as cracking your perineum on a hard object while your pudendal nerve is severely irritated.... is not good let's say. Been in the middle of a flare all day and had to be at office today. It feels like yesterday's functioning was a dream. It feels like some puppet master is following me around and just waiting to throw a spanner in the works all the time. Couldn't make up some of the shitty luck - finally start feeling better then that happens. Feel like screaming as its set the nerve off, stressed me, and brought my mood back down to zero.
Then last night I was washing up, dropped a spoon, and bending to pick it up, cracked my perineum on the dehumidifier that was behind me on the floor as I haven't been able to move as picking up heavy objects causes flares. Turned out it was damned if I move it, damned if I don't, as cracking your perineum on a hard object while your pudendal nerve is severely irritated.... is not good let's say. Been in the middle of a flare all day and had to be at office today. It feels like yesterday's functioning was a dream. It feels like some puppet master is following me around and just waiting to throw a spanner in the works all the time. Couldn't make up some of the shitty luck - finally start feeling better then that happens. Feel like screaming as its set the nerve off, stressed me, and brought my mood back down to zero.
There are times when I I feel it's kind of stalking me. Sometimes it wins, sometimes I evade it. I hope you are going to be alright @astreetscene.
I have no clue what’s going on with me. This morning I felt better, and didn’t have any somatic feelings of a strong sinking feeling in my chest, which normally happens several times a day.
Then I get to the afternoon and the bottom dropped out. I did get some personal admin done, so that’s a couple things off my list. But other than that, I’m just hurting, emotionally and physically. I want to lay down and die. I know that is not the right answer.
I’m reading a book about applying the bardo teachings to everyday life. For the uninitiated, the bardo teachings are a large cycle of teachings about the different phases of life, death, and rebirth. The so called “Tibetan Book of the Dead” is one part of the bardo material, but there’s a lot more. I feel better after reading the author’s words because it helps me lighten up. So that’s what I will do next.
Then I get to the afternoon and the bottom dropped out. I did get some personal admin done, so that’s a couple things off my list. But other than that, I’m just hurting, emotionally and physically. I want to lay down and die. I know that is not the right answer.
I’m reading a book about applying the bardo teachings to everyday life. For the uninitiated, the bardo teachings are a large cycle of teachings about the different phases of life, death, and rebirth. The so called “Tibetan Book of the Dead” is one part of the bardo material, but there’s a lot more. I feel better after reading the author’s words because it helps me lighten up. So that’s what I will do next.
