How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

TL;DR: dunno how to describe it but I think the closest way to verbalize how I feel now is free-floating anxiety dipped in resentment and financial dread sprinkled on top. I keep having the sensation that goes along with knowing one is about to punished.

For example if one is a child approaching adolescence and your mother is driving you home from the police station - it’s that feeling. If that sounds like an oddly specific example, that’s because it is.


What’s going on:
I am quite older now, and I am as sure as possible that I have not done anything punishable recently. I definitely didn’t do wrong on purpose, but there is a reason why a lawyer would advise against ever speaking with law enforcement without representation.

I did have an interaction today where I thought the other person was being exceptionally helpful and polite, which led to my realizing that she was treating me as an adult. I had forgotten that I deserve to be treated as an adult, because of the things that I am still not over yet. It’s not clear yet whether the fear is some kind of past pain that was brought up by its absence. Thoughts are going by too quickly.

I’m going to keep on challenging those thoughts and then turn my attention to what I am doing in the present. I’m also about to do silent meditation practice although I probably need to stretch first, and after, for that matter.

🧘 namaste ❤️

 

[LumberJack]

I ALWAYS either put my glasses on the counter, or the bedside table. I got up in the night and couldn't find them in either. The were safely in my glasses case on the coffee table 🫨🤓.

Relatable. It’s good that you are putting your glasses in one case or another because that should limit how long you spend searching for them.

FWIW I have an orthotic Dental appliance to correct my overbite. It’s $900 to replace, and btw it breaks if you drop it from 4 feet to a hard surface. Sooo, not only do I have to be very careful when handling it, e.g., for cleaning, but I also need to keep it in the case or in my mouth at all times.

I need to always put the case in the same spot at home or I will spend a very anxious 30+ minutes trying to find it again. I’ve found it in the kitchen trash once. Luckily I had just replaced the liner, but I might have taken the trash out with the damn thing inside under different circumstances. FWIW, I now make sure I put my eyes on both the night and day appliances before I walk a trash bag to drop chute.

Aside from that aside, I have trained myself to use the same space by repeatedly checking that both appliances are in their “home.” If I put one elsewhere while distracted, then I must drop everything to find it and put it back. I am still not at 100% yet, but close and still improving.

 

[LumberJack]

🧘 namaste ❤️

LOL I see what you did there! 😝

 

[KM76710]

Back/leg pain went up to a 3 which I am grateful for instead of an 8 which I had been dealing with. Makes me wonder if the procedure was a success. I messaged the doctor.

I would appreciate any positive energy from anyone as it would help. Thank you in advance.

Wishes for all the best for you and others here. You are all in thoughts here.

 

[JanisSPK]

You are not an idiot or worthless. Though neither am I, but I can FEEL like I am far too much of the time. I hope you can heal from this situation.

Thank you 🙏🏽

 

[ClassicsFan]

Worried.

 

[AvidFan]

Relatable. It’s good that you are putting your glasses in one case or another because that should limit how long you spend searching for them.

FWIW I have an orthotic Dental appliance to correct my overbite. It’s $900 to replace, and btw it breaks if you drop it from 4 feet to a hard surface. Sooo, not only do I have to be very careful when handling it, e.g., for cleaning, but I also need to keep it in the case or in my mouth at all times.

I need to always put the case in the same spot at home or I will spend a very anxious 30+ minutes trying to find it again. I’ve found it in the kitchen trash once. Luckily I had just replaced the liner, but I might have taken the trash out with the damn thing inside under different circumstances. FWIW, I now make sure I put my eyes on both the night and day appliances before I walk a trash bag to drop chute.

Aside from that aside, I have trained myself to use the same space by repeatedly checking that both appliances are in their “home.” If I put one elsewhere while distracted, then I must drop everything to find it and put it back. I am still not at 100% yet, but close and still improving.

Great progress. I always put my front door key in the same place on the counter when I get in. Except when I don't. It's resulted in panic a few times and one time it was actually in the kitchen bin like your appliance! Has, also happened with entire wallet - always in my jeans pocket. Had horrible time once when it wasn't there, last used at shopping day before, no sign anywhere. Eventually found it had migrated from pocket to under the bed somehow but was in last place I looked (it always is 😂)

 

[AvidFan]

I'm fairly relaxed since pressure is off for a few days. This is most normal Saturday I've had for a while though still got symptoms knocking around.

 

[Lane]

Back/leg pain went up to a 3 which I am grateful for instead of an 8 which I had been dealing with. Makes me wonder if the procedure was a success. I messaged the doctor.

I would appreciate any positive energy from anyone as it would help. Thank you in advance.

Sending good thoughts your way. I hope your back/leg pain disappears completely.

 

[PrincessPure]

Head hurts and my sleep schedule sux ass.

 

[JanisSPK]

It is what it is. I'm in a deep sh*t and transitional place and situation that is going to take time. Still in shock waiting for it to move to the real feelings that will arise. I better be willing to feel them if I am going to try and have a chance.

 

[AvidFan]

It is what it is. I'm in a deep sh*t and transitional place and situation that is going to take time. Still in shock waiting for it to move to the real feelings that will arise. I better be willing to feel them if I am going to try and have a chance.

Yes but take your time and feel them safely ❤️

 

[AvidFan]

Fairly OK. Managed to watch a couple episodes of something. Was on a healthy eating kick but I have a few bad things leftover and might just finish the chips in the freezer so the temptation is out of the way and also it will be easier than trying to cook 🙂

 

[LumberJack]

It is what it is. I'm in a deep sh*t and transitional place and situation that is going to take time. Still in shock waiting for it to move to the real feelings that will arise. I better be willing to feel them if I am going to try and have a chance.

It sounds like a brilliant plan to me. Losing a relationship is a form of grief. It’s going to take time and you’re expecting that. IDK if it’s practical for you, but a strategy that worked for me when I lost the love of my life was peer support, i.e., other people who had been there.

In the case of a relationship that went sour, I would guess the closest thing to something like that would be to get more active in social life, but outside the dating realm. The point is low pressure/risk situations where you can be around people.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m really bothered by intrusive thoughts today. I don’t want to kms for any rational reason, but I’m starting to feel like it may be the only way to get relief from my way too hyperactive brain. 🫤

 

[LumberJack]

Eventually found it had migrated from pocket to under the bed somehow but was in last place I looked (it always is 😂)

Well, I would be concerned if it was not in the last place you looked. That would imply continued searching for an object that has already been found!

I have a hook at eye level next to my front door. My key ring has a tiny clip that I use to hang it up there first thing when I get home. I eventually hung a little mesh bag with it to hold my wallet, etc.

Another thing I have trained myself to do is check the hook periodically to ensure the keys are on the hook. It’s gotten me into the habit of checking automatically and I feel mild anxiety if they are misplaced. Another instance where OCD tendencies can be used for good, lol. I also got a card-shaped air tag for my wallet. It has paid for itself 4x over already in the time I have saved not having to tear the interior of my car apart…

 

[JanisSPK]

Yes but take your time and feel them safely ❤️

🙂thank you

 

[Harmony]

Anxiety and suicidal ideation were so strong today. I keep having these moments where I just break down in tears. Then I hate myself because I really thought I was getting a leg up on all of this.

 

[JanisSPK]

Anxiety and suicidal ideation were so strong today. I keep having these moments where I just break down in tears. Then I hate myself because I really thought I was getting a leg up on all of this.

You are getting a leg up. Crying for a time doesn’t mean lack of progress, Dont hate yourself please, its the anxiety ….you know this. See if it passes and just let yourself have the tears if there’s more today….can you do something to relax in any way?

 

[Angie]

Anxiety and suicidal ideation were so strong today. I keep having these moments where I just break down in tears. Then I hate myself because I really thought I was getting a leg up on all of this.

I am so sorry. Here if you need a chat.