I know the feeling. I am sorry to see you're hating yourself over this. I endorse what @JanisSPK mentioned. I get really down on myself too, but lately I'm trying out resisting that habit, as in being patient with my progress, which has ups and downs to it as a feature of our human condition. I do understand that feeling and I hope this doesn't come across as telling you that what you are feeling is wrong in some way. You feel how you feel. The great thing about that is that feelings constantly change, meaning if it's shitty now, it won't be for long. Of course the same works for bliss, but who said it's a good idea to be blissed out all the time?
There is a saying that is scientifically false but it says that, "Pain is weakness leaving the body." However, I've discussed my crying jags with my therapist many times, and eventually learned that simply letting it out is the best way to handle it. In other words, I prefer, "Tears are (emotional) pain leaving the body." It was overwhelming to do this at first. I was afraid to cry because I felt like it would cause a emotional dam to burst in my mind and I would never stop crying. However, constricting emotionally against tears is actually what prolongs a crying jag. I noticed that I would tighten my whole body up when I felt tears on the way. When I can remember to, I just let it out without judgement; it's neither bad nor good, but no matter what it's got to happen.
When I'm not resisting, then I do this thing where it's like huge crying (screaming, sobbing, sticking my face in a pillow to avoid a noise complaint from the neighbors) for 15 minutes at most, then there is a calm phase, followed by another emotional release, and so on until it's done. I've found I feel far better after that, albeit frequently physically spent. I've known quite a few babies in my large extended family and that is similar to how they cry. I figure it's probably instinctive, then. Of course, pooping oneself is not instinctual, so maybe I'm overgeneralizing, lol.
BTW, I want to stop short of suggesting that this is a good idea for you. Only you out of the population of SF really know what's going on with you and what you need vs your capabilities. It's more like a description of how I'm working with this same thing inside me.
There is a saying that is scientifically false but it says that, "Pain is weakness leaving the body." However, I've discussed my crying jags with my therapist many times, and eventually learned that simply letting it out is the best way to handle it. In other words, I prefer, "Tears are (emotional) pain leaving the body." It was overwhelming to do this at first. I was afraid to cry because I felt like it would cause a emotional dam to burst in my mind and I would never stop crying. However, constricting emotionally against tears is actually what prolongs a crying jag. I noticed that I would tighten my whole body up when I felt tears on the way. When I can remember to, I just let it out without judgement; it's neither bad nor good, but no matter what it's got to happen.
When I'm not resisting, then I do this thing where it's like huge crying (screaming, sobbing, sticking my face in a pillow to avoid a noise complaint from the neighbors) for 15 minutes at most, then there is a calm phase, followed by another emotional release, and so on until it's done. I've found I feel far better after that, albeit frequently physically spent. I've known quite a few babies in my large extended family and that is similar to how they cry. I figure it's probably instinctive, then. Of course, pooping oneself is not instinctual, so maybe I'm overgeneralizing, lol.
BTW, I want to stop short of suggesting that this is a good idea for you. Only you out of the population of SF really know what's going on with you and what you need vs your capabilities. It's more like a description of how I'm working with this same thing inside me.
People who steal earbuds have got to have something missing from their thought process. Like if someone wants to stick something in their ear that has spent literally hours per week in my ears, since they were new, ick. Maybe they imagined selling them, but the market for used earbuds must also be populated with people who lack a healthy respect for hygiene.