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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Doing ok. Still dealing with leg pain due to a nerve in the back. I'm hoping the shot in the back next week takes care of the pain and I can back off from 45 minutes of physical therapy exercises.
Also, I'm Feeling a bit overwhelmed with things that have to get done. Then I have to rake leaves. Almost can't wait for winter when it gets easier because I don't have to take care of the yard. Except for snowy days.
Also, I'm Feeling a bit overwhelmed with things that have to get done. Then I have to rake leaves. Almost can't wait for winter when it gets easier because I don't have to take care of the yard. Except for snowy days.
Idk if this helps, but I forgot all about eating today. I even got groceries and cooked up lentils. However the only thing that made it into my gob today was several handfuls of Cheeze-its.
I’m doing better on water at least, still dehydrated but I am drinking more and more frequently over the day. It’s so dry here that half a gallon per day is not enough, unless you eat a ton of water heavy foods. I’m targeting 3 quarts and drinking 2.
I’m doing better on water at least, still dehydrated but I am drinking more and more frequently over the day. It’s so dry here that half a gallon per day is not enough, unless you eat a ton of water heavy foods. I’m targeting 3 quarts and drinking 2.
Kind of silly, still sleepy, and also feeling enormous anxiety about my finances and the fact that an upcoming anniversary of a difficult event is coming up. I have a strategy for managing the latter. It still hurts, and it is going to hurt a hell of a lot more until probably the end of January.
Another irritating thing circling my mind is that I got renewal paperwork for next year on my ACA marketplace health plan. I’m seeing the year 2027 and I feel upset because I was planning to have exited by now, but plans changed.
I feel past my expiration date even seeing 2026 on the calendar. I could die right now and be happy about it, but the longer I remain encased in meat, the less happy I have been getting. It’s just that I don’t plan to do it myself.
Another irritating thing circling my mind is that I got renewal paperwork for next year on my ACA marketplace health plan. I’m seeing the year 2027 and I feel upset because I was planning to have exited by now, but plans changed.
I feel past my expiration date even seeing 2026 on the calendar. I could die right now and be happy about it, but the longer I remain encased in meat, the less happy I have been getting. It’s just that I don’t plan to do it myself.
now I just feel incompetent at managing my own life. I have a 1 for 18 record on making major life decisions that turn out to be ok, or at least not lasting painful and intrusive memories. I had some more flashbacks from almost 3 yrs ago. Even though it's absurd, I still sometimes think that I was in the wrong. It's absurd because it's like someone blaming themselves for the abuse because they made the abuser angry. I should have been quiet. I should have kept my head down. I should have not advocated for myself, and so on.
In reality, I had a right to expect care because I was paying for them to do exactly that.
The fact that I have to live with these memories, which seem to attack when I'm already physically and mentally depleted, is eating me the fuck alive.
In reality, I had a right to expect care because I was paying for them to do exactly that.
The fact that I have to live with these memories, which seem to attack when I'm already physically and mentally depleted, is eating me the fuck alive.
When I pointed out that what I was getting did not meet my needs, I wish I had been more vocal about that. If that didn't work, the best plan would have been escalating my complaints Until I was such a pain in the ass that it would be easier to transfer me than to keep me there! Nonetheless, this will never happen again, because I will never voluntarily go inpatient again, and I will never give anyone grounds to label me a danger to self or others.
Maybe I'm just trying to talk myself back into doing it. I don't have the will to go thru with it now, but I know from experience that if I discontinue a certain med that I'm taking, it's at most 3 days before I'm unable to plan anything else. My mind just goes straight down so fast that even hell itself whizzes right by as my descent continues! If there is a next time, I will not reach out for help, because I'm so burned from asking for help and in turn being beat up and deprived of a small fortune, that I wish I had died back then.
Maybe I'm just trying to talk myself back into doing it. I don't have the will to go thru with it now, but I know from experience that if I discontinue a certain med that I'm taking, it's at most 3 days before I'm unable to plan anything else. My mind just goes straight down so fast that even hell itself whizzes right by as my descent continues! If there is a next time, I will not reach out for help, because I'm so burned from asking for help and in turn being beat up and deprived of a small fortune, that I wish I had died back then.
I do the same thing @ChaosTheory...try to have something to look forward to. I hope that you have light in your life. Where are you going on your trip? Answer only if you feel comfortable. Have a decent day.
(h)
This is familiar to me. These thoughts circle through my mind too and have roots in my childhood but were reinforced by my abuser. Even now three years since physically getting away from him. Absurd is an apt word for it, since a part of my mind is 100% certain of the harm he was inflicting, and yet my behaviour is still being molded by the abuse. Not all the time thank goodness. This does point to the Hebbian Theory saying how neurons that fire together wire together. I wonder if I'll ever be done working on all this. One of the effects of abuse is I've come to a point in which I only like a small part of myself, which is part of the absurdity.
This is familiar to me. These thoughts circle through my mind too and have roots in my childhood but were reinforced by my abuser. Even now three years since physically getting away from him. Absurd is an apt word for it, since a part of my mind is 100% certain of the harm he was inflicting, and yet my behaviour is still being molded by the abuse. Not all the time thank goodness. This does point to the Hebbian Theory saying how neurons that fire together wire together. I wonder if I'll ever be done working on all this. One of the effects of abuse is I've come to a point in which I only like a small part of myself, which is part of the absurdity.