How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[may71]

this world and the people in it are awful

The way a friend of mine put it is that there are about 20% good people, 20% bad people, and about 60% that aren't really good or bad, they're just people.

The main problem as I see it is that the bad people often end up with high positions and do a huge amount of damage.

I hope things can get better for you.

 

[may71]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

 

[KM76710]

Just got home from appt. with primary doctor.

Good news is she thinks some of my symptoms are because she has lowered my blood sugar. It's not actually low, but because I am used to running 190-200 and now its 126 I feel crap. She says it will get better. She also gave me samples of the Dexcom 15 day CGM to use until the prior authorization comes through and my insurance (hopefully) approves.

Bad news is the cyst on my back isn't a good color (possibly cancer). She is referring me to a dermatologist. Hopefully it will be the dermatologist in town that I have seen before.

I feel relieved.

Hoping for all the best for you with the dermatologist. Tough enough with all you have already without another issue to deal with. Having diabetes myself I do understand about the blood sugar and how that can affect you. I hope it will get to feeling better as you get adjusted to the 126 count on sugar.

 

[アオト]

The day before yesterday, Wednesday, I was in the middle of a class. I felt bad, sad, depressed, and stressed for no particular reason. I felt a lot of things, so I walked out of the classroom and sat on the bench nearby. I stayed there for a couple of minutes and cried. In that time, the class from the other semester, my former classmates, got out for an activity with their teacher.
I don't like it when people catch me crying or feeling unwell, so when I cry or something, I immediately stop, but in this case, I couldn't stop crying; I just couldn't, but nobody noticed at all. Neither the ones who passed by and said hello, to which I responded, nor the teacher who gave me classes last semester and sat right next to me noticed.
Then, I went back to the classroom, continued taking the class, and I was still crying, hugging the little Ayanami Rei plushie I have in my bag as a charm. Trying not to scream my guts out the whole time. Just staring blankly at the wall of white. Sniffing from time to time.
I sat first in line as usual, and the teacher didn't notice I was crying either.
When the class was over, he just said, "Oh, I noticed you didn't participate that much. Are you sick? You seem unwell." "Yeah, I was crying," I told him, with the same stupid smile and expression I always put on, and he just said that it would be for next time, then.
All that time, I was actually hoping for someone to ask if I was ok, to notice me, to hug me, to hold me, something, but I actually got what I wished for: not being noticed.
Glooby... against the whole world (Dang, even in these cases I can't stop thinking about Deltarune)
I feel like a hypocrite. I am a hypocrite.
Can't stop thinking about it.
I know I could just say something to someone, but I can't.
I don't have anyone to hug or to talk to. I don't want to be seen, but yet I yearn for it. I'm desperate for it. For someone with sharp eyes to see who I am, someone I can not lie to or pretend I'm something else.

I'm a pathetic, needy loser who can't bear the idea of being vulnerable to other people for 5 seconds, and rather yap about it online.
Man... I really need a job

 

[nicktheundoer]

I sorry you are suffering.

 

[AvidFan]

The day before yesterday, Wednesday, I was in the middle of a class. I felt bad, sad, depressed, and stressed for no particular reason. I felt a lot of things, so I walked out of the classroom and sat on the bench nearby. I stayed there for a couple of minutes and cried. In that time, the class from the other semester, my former classmates, got out for an activity with their teacher.
I don't like it when people catch me crying or feeling unwell, so when I cry or something, I immediately stop, but in this case, I couldn't stop crying; I just couldn't, but nobody noticed at all. Neither the ones who passed by and said hello, to which I responded, nor the teacher who gave me classes last semester and sat right next to me noticed.
Then, I went back to the classroom, continued taking the class, and I was still crying, hugging the little Ayanami Rei plushie I have in my bag as a charm. Trying not to scream my guts out the whole time. Just staring blankly at the wall of white. Sniffing from time to time.
I sat first in line as usual, and the teacher didn't notice I was crying either.
When the class was over, he just said, "Oh, I noticed you didn't participate that much. Are you sick? You seem unwell." "Yeah, I was crying," I told him, with the same stupid smile and expression I always put on, and he just said that it would be for next time, then.
All that time, I was actually hoping for someone to ask if I was ok, to notice me, to hug me, to hold me, something, but I actually got what I wished for: not being noticed.
Glooby... against the whole world (Dang, even in these cases I can't stop thinking about Deltarune)
I feel like a hypocrite. I am a hypocrite.
Can't stop thinking about it.
I know I could just say something to someone, but I can't.
I don't have anyone to hug or to talk to. I don't want to be seen, but yet I yearn for it. I'm desperate for it. For someone with sharp eyes to see who I am, someone I can not lie to or pretend I'm something else.

I'm a pathetic, needy loser who can't bear the idea of being vulnerable to other people for 5 seconds, and rather yap about it online.
Man... I really need a job

You sound vulnerable and you have very human needs, but that doesn't make you pathetic or a loser. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen - and at least that's something you can feel a little here online even if that's not much of a consolation. I hope you can find a way to work through this.

 

[AvidFan]

Relieved and exasperated. For 2 weeks I have been anxious because my bladder reliably fills up very quickly at a certain time of day, so I was worried I would be bursting at the time of my scan that required a full bladder or even have an accident. Today, same time, same fluid intake that normally sets it off - and I got to the hospital and my bladder was as silent as a Christmas carol in July. I waited outside drinking water, and then went in with 15 minute to the appointment time. I was expecting a crowded waiting room, but there wasn't a single other person there. I expected to wait for a while, but she came out for me in a few minutes even though I was early, and had no time for the bladder to fill. I was expecting to get undressed but not neccessary. Then the doctor was summoned, scanned my kidneys and then bladder, didn't complain about it not being full enough, said everything looks fine and they'll send report back to the doctor who ordered the test... The appointment letter said the scan would take 10-15 minutes. It must have taken less than 5. Of course my bladder then filled up rapidly AFTER the scan.

In other words every single scenario my anxiety came up with, the opposite happened. Sounds like everything is fine with my kidneys and bladder - good to know. Maybe this will keep them quiet for a while now. At least I know I don't have lurking kidney stones or a deformed bladder or something.... But I sure wish I could find a way to deactivate my broken amygdala/anxiety response. Unfortunately I have a very vivid imagination and see literal movies of the worst case happening as my brain simulates them in 3D surround sound....

Will try to get a proper rest now I've got the rest of my weekend back.

 

[SillyOldBear]

@AvidFan The bladder is one of the most obnoxious organs in the human body. Mine drives me nuts. In the evening I may be up every 5 minutes to go pee. By bedtime, no matter how full the bladder feels, I can't drop anything. And, please, don't ask me to pee at the doctor's office. That is like asking a politician to tell the truth.

 

[AvidFan]

@AvidFan The bladder is one of the most obnoxious organs in the human body. Mine drives me nuts. In the evening I may be up every 5 minutes to go pee. By bedtime, no matter how full the bladder feels, I can't drop anything. And, please, don't ask me to pee at the doctor's office. That is like asking a politician to tell the truth.

Ha ha, obnoxious is the right word! Pesky gaslighting manipulator!

 

[Windhover]

Feeling lonely and tired and fighting off some sort of nasty bug going around. I need to stay focused on the tasks having to be finished in about ten days. It's relatively okay, especially since the problems which cropped up have been resolved. Or at least I think they have lol. But there's this social requirement, the parameters of which I want and need to closely limit. It's not due to menness on my part, it's due to the fact of a person irl who has a red flag of warning, is triggering and has said they want to sit down and talk. Boundaries ( those I've just started to re-build) for my protection are sending alerts to say do not do this.

 

[AvidFan]

Feeling lonely and tired and fighting off some sort of nasty bug going around. I need to stay focused on the tasks having to be finished in about ten days. It's relatively okay, especially since the problems which cropped up have been resolved. Or at least I think they have lol. But there's this social requirement, the parameters of which I want and need to closely limit. It's not due to menness on my part, it's due to the fact of a person irl who has a red flag of warning, is triggering and has said they want to sit down and talk. Boundaries ( those I've just started to re-build) for my protection are sending alerts to say do not do this.

Sorry @Windhover - sending you ❤️❤️❤️ I hope you feel better from the bug and the buggy humans soon!

 

[LumberJack]

… there's this social requirement, the parameters of which I want and need to closely limit. It's not due to menness on my part, it's due to the fact of a person irl who has a red flag of warning, is triggering and has said they want to sit down and talk. Boundaries ( those I've just started to re-build) for my protection are sending alerts to say do not do this.

Please listen to those alerts. I can’t say it will go great, but if you feel your boundaries set off an alarm just by you thinking about it, then there’s something your body is trying to tell you.

This goes double for the fact that you are just rebuilding your self protective boundaries. I think this is a good time to err on the side of caution.

I know I’m giving advice here, and I’m doing so because I’m terribly concerned about what might happen to you if that person steamrolls through your boundaries. You’ve been through enough lately.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m doing okay, but I’m feeling a lot of feelings. None are pleasant. I’m trying to work my way through this. It’s exhausting, though.

I did get out and do something for the first time today. I went to volunteer with a group that goes door to door and encourages people to vote.

I was terrified because I am shy as heck in a neutral environment. Going out to interrupt people’s Saturday morning to talk about politics is not in my skill set. However I do support the cause, and it is a chance to face my fears with a low risk.

Aside from that, though, still facing traumatic flashbacks. The slightest thing will remind me of when I was hurting really badly and I am right back in it like it’s really happening now. It’s like this low grade but constant, gnawing soreness that moves around in my body. I feel scared that I might be hurt again. Maybe I will go sit on the floor and listen to my body breathing.

 

[Windhover]

Thank you for the advice which I feel is also support @LumberJack. It's a strange time for me in several ways. Everything feels a bit insubstantial. Myself included.

 

[LumberJack]

I know I’m giving advice here, and I’m doing so because I’m terribly concerned ...

I meant to say that I don’t mean you should take my advice literally, but more like an expression of regard for your own inner guidance.

 

[AvidFan]

I’m doing okay, but I’m feeling a lot of feelings. None are pleasant. I’m trying to work my way through this. It’s exhausting, though.

I did get out and do something for the first time today. I went to volunteer with a group that goes door to door and encourages people to vote.

I was terrified because I am shy as heck in a neutral environment. Going out to interrupt people’s Saturday morning to talk about politics is not in my skill set. However I do support the cause, and it is a chance to face my fears with a low risk.

Aside from that, though, still facing traumatic flashbacks. The slightest thing will remind me of when I was hurting really badly and I am right back in it like it’s really happening now. It’s like this low grade but constant, gnawing soreness that moves around in my body. I feel scared that I might be hurt again. Maybe I will go sit on the floor and listen to my body breathing.

Well done for getting out and volunteering ❤️

 

[Windhover]

Sorry @Windhover - sending you ❤️❤️❤️ I hope you feel better from the bug and the buggy humans soon!

I didn't reply earlier because I wan't sure but fingers crossed I think I've avoided getting sicker! Yay. I've been busy all day. As for the human, I've written back declining to have a conversation one to one, due to needing my energy for getting ready for the move. And, I complimented him on wanting to clear the air. I just hope the tension doesn't get worse due to my response to him.

Thank you for the 🩷 : )

 

[may71]

The day before yesterday, Wednesday, I was in the middle of a class. I felt bad, sad, depressed, and stressed for no particular reason. I felt a lot of things, so I walked out of the classroom and sat on the bench nearby. I stayed there for a couple of minutes and cried.

You're always welcome to tell us here on SF about how you're feeling and what's going on.

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

 

[Mid Night]

Kind of vindicated. I submitted a complaint to the state behavioral health agency about my being put on an involuntary hold back in 2024. The complaint was that they held me involuntarily despite my not meeting the criteria for an involuntary hold. Today I received a response saying that it was substantiated. This means that my complaint is valid and I'm not just holding unrealistic expectations. It remains to be seen if that will affect the facility in any way, but I have plans decided upon covering the top 3 likely outcomes.

It's also nice that it's getting a tad cooler. Still mid 80s for the high, but that's cooler than mid 90s, and the daytime hours shortening means it's not as brutally hot as it was before the fall equinox. However, when I was growing up here, a long time ago, lol - we expected the first snow around this time of year. Even though 80 or so is not life-ending horror, it's 20+ F above average.