-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Trying to sort through and put into meaniful order another batch of alphabet soup, trying to describe my condition - ADHD, ND, empath.
That seems to settle right for now, but ... I don't know why I'm trying.
I'm on meds, and my pdoc believes I am bipolar. A new way of looking at my symptoms, even if I arrived at a different diagnosis, probably wouldn't change the meds I'm on. They seem to be doing a decent job of somewhat regulating my mental and emotional state, but the trade off is that I feel like I'm missing the full range of emotions. Times like now, I want to cry, to have a cleansing cry, but it's not there. Mentally, I recognize that, but the emotion to bring those tears is suppressed.
Here's a scenario - an empath, with ADHD, who is neurodivergent, living with an empath ND who may/may not be bipolar. Both have rejection sensitivity, sometimes referred to as RSD, though it's not currently classified as a true disorder. What could go wrong?
This is the most challenging relationship I've been in. There have been more misunderstandings, disagreements and hurt feelings in the almost two years since we met online than there were in 13 years of marriage.
I suppose I'm hoping that a new way of looking at my mental and emotional health might be the code to minimze some of the conflicts
peace
That seems to settle right for now, but ... I don't know why I'm trying.
I'm on meds, and my pdoc believes I am bipolar. A new way of looking at my symptoms, even if I arrived at a different diagnosis, probably wouldn't change the meds I'm on. They seem to be doing a decent job of somewhat regulating my mental and emotional state, but the trade off is that I feel like I'm missing the full range of emotions. Times like now, I want to cry, to have a cleansing cry, but it's not there. Mentally, I recognize that, but the emotion to bring those tears is suppressed.
Here's a scenario - an empath, with ADHD, who is neurodivergent, living with an empath ND who may/may not be bipolar. Both have rejection sensitivity, sometimes referred to as RSD, though it's not currently classified as a true disorder. What could go wrong?
This is the most challenging relationship I've been in. There have been more misunderstandings, disagreements and hurt feelings in the almost two years since we met online than there were in 13 years of marriage.
I suppose I'm hoping that a new way of looking at my mental and emotional health might be the code to minimze some of the conflicts
peace
IDK, edible filament might be possible but not air-fryer compatible. I'm thinking of marzipan, which is basically clay made out almonds and honey. Delicious, lovely clay. Especially when coated in chocolate. Speaking of which, my favorite candy, the Ritter Sport Dark Choc with Marzipan, suddenly almost tripled in cost a couple-three months ago. What used to be $3.50 is now pushing $10. However the other Ritter candy bars did not, so I'm guessing it has to do with the marzipan or some supply issue that only affects those bars.
Trying to sort through and put into meaniful order another batch of alphabet soup, trying to describe my condition - ADHD, ND, empath.
That seems to settle right for now, but ... I don't know why I'm trying.
I'm on meds, and my pdoc believes I am bipolar. A new way of looking at my symptoms, even if I arrived at a different diagnosis, probably wouldn't change the meds I'm on. They seem to be doing a decent job of somewhat regulating my mental and emotional state, but the trade off is that I feel like I'm missing the full range of emotions. Times like now, I want to cry, to have a cleansing cry, but it's not there. Mentally, I recognize that, but the emotion to bring those tears is suppressed.
Here's a scenario - an empath, with ADHD, who is neurodivergent, living with an empath ND who may/may not be bipolar. Both have rejection sensitivity, sometimes referred to as RSD, though it's not currently classified as a true disorder. What could go wrong?
This is the most challenging relationship I've been in. There have been more misunderstandings, disagreements and hurt feelings in the almost two years since we met online than there were in 13 years of marriage.
I suppose I'm hoping that a new way of looking at my mental and emotional health might be the code to minimze some of the conflicts
peace
That seems to settle right for now, but ... I don't know why I'm trying.
I'm on meds, and my pdoc believes I am bipolar. A new way of looking at my symptoms, even if I arrived at a different diagnosis, probably wouldn't change the meds I'm on. They seem to be doing a decent job of somewhat regulating my mental and emotional state, but the trade off is that I feel like I'm missing the full range of emotions. Times like now, I want to cry, to have a cleansing cry, but it's not there. Mentally, I recognize that, but the emotion to bring those tears is suppressed.
Here's a scenario - an empath, with ADHD, who is neurodivergent, living with an empath ND who may/may not be bipolar. Both have rejection sensitivity, sometimes referred to as RSD, though it's not currently classified as a true disorder. What could go wrong?
This is the most challenging relationship I've been in. There have been more misunderstandings, disagreements and hurt feelings in the almost two years since we met online than there were in 13 years of marriage.
I suppose I'm hoping that a new way of looking at my mental and emotional health might be the code to minimze some of the conflicts
peace
ADHD is a form of neurodivergence, per my therapist, as is OCD. I'm just like super-lucky I guess. I do not believe I'm on the spectrum, but that's mostly because I avoid certain youtubers who talk about their own autism and how they got diagnosed. I was seeing a lot of signs that also are true for me, but ffs I can only handle so many acronyms at a time! Aside from that I don't think that an Autism diagnosis would change my treatment approach. It's the ADHD traits that get me in trouble and so that's blocking everything else. Except the OCD of course.
I also suffer rejection sensitivity, but I've been able to mitigate that through CBT techniques. I tell myself that it's not necessary to care what other people think about me (unless they have a loaded gun). I started singing in public just for giggles. It is not easy to sing properly in public, or even in private, without a warm up. Now it's not embarrassing to me because I've decided it isn't.
It's not that simple in practice, but my view is that RS can be treated as with any other phobia, namely gradual exposure. This has also allowed me to be more outgoing and less self-conscious in typical social gatherings like networking events. To me, it's all performance and the world is a stage. My stage, to be specific, lol. We are all the stars of our own shows, though. I have intentionally developed a character, or persona, for being out in public and that character is affable, easy-going, and constantly looking for situational observations that would make people laugh. I even tried out for a play one time and got a part, and that was without rehearsal, so I think that acting comes naturally to me.
Overall, though, I agree with the trial and error approach. Human relationships are so complicated that systematic analysis is computationally impossible. Too many variables with very complex patterns to run a Monte Carlo simulation (don't ask me how I know).
I recognize this but if you are thinking about SH I don't think it will accomplish what you're describing. I know because I've tried, and self cutting is a bear to stop once it's gotten started.
I want to emphasize that I am not trying to influence your behavior. You are an adult and must make your own decisions. Instead, I wanted to share that my experience was that it did not excise any moral defects I wanted to get rid of.
SH did, however, release endorphins which are the same molecules that are implicated in a runner's high. However, that is also what makes it addictive. It's especially hard to stop since you can never fully isolate yourself from potential weapons; even in jail people are able to fashion sharp things.
On top of that, it's also entirely possible you were speaking metaphorically. I think I'm struggling with my own addiction issues atm, which makes me want to run around warning people to not do the things that came to bite me in the ass.
I want to emphasize that I am not trying to influence your behavior. You are an adult and must make your own decisions. Instead, I wanted to share that my experience was that it did not excise any moral defects I wanted to get rid of.
SH did, however, release endorphins which are the same molecules that are implicated in a runner's high. However, that is also what makes it addictive. It's especially hard to stop since you can never fully isolate yourself from potential weapons; even in jail people are able to fashion sharp things.
On top of that, it's also entirely possible you were speaking metaphorically. I think I'm struggling with my own addiction issues atm, which makes me want to run around warning people to not do the things that came to bite me in the ass.
Last edited:
I hadn't known this. Thank you for sharing.
I understand you clarifying to those you respond to that you acknowledge their adulthood. But I, for one, don't take it any way that needs defending or clarifying; Thank you for answering me. I've read enough of your text and you and I have outright conversed enough, I take your input in straightforward good faith.
Before anything else: I'm sorry you've ever had a self-harm period. And even as I'm thankful for your knowledge/forewarning, I'm sorry that you've ever had to learn it first-hand.
I understand you clarifying to those you respond to that you acknowledge their adulthood. But I, for one, don't take it any way that needs defending or clarifying; Thank you for answering me. I've read enough of your text and you and I have outright conversed enough, I take your input in straightforward good faith.
Before anything else: I'm sorry you've ever had a self-harm period. And even as I'm thankful for your knowledge/forewarning, I'm sorry that you've ever had to learn it first-hand.
For the first time in a long while I feel completely depressed and defeated. First the car accident secondly a friend gave me a hard time about arriving too early to drive him to the appointment thirdly losing my car registration (I found it eventually) and finally decided that I couldn’t go on a trip I was planning on because I was too late to register. Nothing really terrible but it has been a trying day. I feel so alone in this world and I probably am not alone. Feeling sad but not suicidal. I even ate two candy bars thereby killing my diet but it was comfort food.
Smarmy. Just watched a horror film. The actor of the villain did a "good" job portraying a not-going-to-say-it-here-in-order-to-not-trigger-anyone's-trauma, child-murdering neighbor.
Makes me think of the "father" (though I hate calling it that) of the anthropos that coerced me. It was always creepy and callous yet presented itself as friendly.
This is disgusting, and I wish I would peel off my skin like a fruit rind right now and bleed the yuck out. But it's needed that I face this. This is clearly unfinished business for me
Makes me think of the "father" (though I hate calling it that) of the anthropos that coerced me. It was always creepy and callous yet presented itself as friendly.
This is disgusting, and I wish I would peel off my skin like a fruit rind right now and bleed the yuck out. But it's needed that I face this. This is clearly unfinished business for me
I've spoken with women who were S. assaulted. One of them mentioned that Immediately afterward, she wanted to shower and shower for as long as it takes to lose that feeling of being violated. Sadly, it doesn't go away completely. In my case, what happened to me seemed fine at the time, and I didn't know it was abuse. I felt "icky" abt it but I didn't feel harmed. I later learned that it was abuse, based on whatever criteria the therapists use to define child assault - and opening up to the possibility that it also traumatized me got it to budge a little bit.
Accomplished, but also frightened. I'm getting better at standing up for myself and asking for help getting my needs met. The frightening part is that I have repeatedly met with abuse in both childhood and adulthood for standing up for myself. I am not in danger of adverse consequences today, though. The conditioning is still there, hence the fear.
It's like I'm doing the right and the healthy thing, but since I've had my self worth beaten out of me (literally in youth, figuratively in adulthood) I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. On my head
. In writing this out I can see what is realistic and what is not. Too bad my amygdala doesn't respond to logic. This makes sense because it's the amygdala's job to spot threats before we have time to analyze the situation. It has no logic processing.
However, this means that anxiety over things that taught me "learned helplessness" is harder to break than something that can be addressed with rational, e.g., CBT, techniques. On the bright side, I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway. This is my internal definition of courage. I think courage is something that gets stronger the more frequently it is exercised. While I don't think the fear will ever go away entirely, I expect it will fade as I get more practice/confidence in advocating for myself.
It's like I'm doing the right and the healthy thing, but since I've had my self worth beaten out of me (literally in youth, figuratively in adulthood) I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. On my head
. In writing this out I can see what is realistic and what is not. Too bad my amygdala doesn't respond to logic. This makes sense because it's the amygdala's job to spot threats before we have time to analyze the situation. It has no logic processing. However, this means that anxiety over things that taught me "learned helplessness" is harder to break than something that can be addressed with rational, e.g., CBT, techniques. On the bright side, I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway. This is my internal definition of courage. I think courage is something that gets stronger the more frequently it is exercised. While I don't think the fear will ever go away entirely, I expect it will fade as I get more practice/confidence in advocating for myself.
As your attorney, I advise you to enjoy the candy bars. 
I think a confluence of little disappointments and irritations is more work to get past than one big misfortune. I know am not alone because there is a phrase for this: "Death by a thousand tiny cuts."
Personally I would prefer to die by one blunt force impact than a thousand or more tiny injuries. Not meaning to say that blunt force trauma is an appealing way to go, but just that it's less horrible than small things adding up.
I think a confluence of little disappointments and irritations is more work to get past than one big misfortune. I know am not alone because there is a phrase for this: "Death by a thousand tiny cuts." Personally I would prefer to die by one blunt force impact than a thousand or more tiny injuries. Not meaning to say that blunt force trauma is an appealing way to go, but just that it's less horrible than small things adding up.
Deflated. I made myself go to walking group (which used to be the running group). I ended up in one of those horrible (for me) situations where everybody was in a clique of 2 or 3 already having a conversation so there was no other alone person I felt comfortable striking up conversation with like I did last time. Eventually a couple of people noticed and talked to me for a bit. I went in the pub afterwards, but felt a bit overwhelmed, so I decided to go home. I sometimes wish I was like everyone else (but then I wouldn't be me!) who seems able to navigate group situations with ease, but when sitting around a table I have no idea what to say, and just observe fascinated by everyone else who seems to know exactly when to speak and what to say. I did bump into someone else on the way home, I am fine one to one, so had a little conversation with them. I suppose it's the most social I've been outside of work for 2 weeks. Still feel sad I am not part of the running contingent anymore.
I'm feeling quite strange today. It dawned on me how a part of the discomfort might be how this packing and move does remind me of the other moves which have abuse and trauma associated with them. I sat for some meditation and let the thoughts and feelings come on through.
Yesterday lol I realised it's okay to see some positive things. I started trying to remind myself of the fact of having a place to myself is going to be a relief. I'll be much closer to the ocean and forests.
Yesterday lol I realised it's okay to see some positive things. I started trying to remind myself of the fact of having a place to myself is going to be a relief. I'll be much closer to the ocean and forests.