How are you today 1-10?
- Thread starter Walker
- Start date
Yesterday I was going okay. Today is a 9.
Horrible nightmare, woke up feeling extremely depressed and isolated, intrusive thoughts that won't disappear. Physically, nothing is happening at this moment, I am just tortured by my own thoughts and demons I have been dealing with for 5 years.
If only I can fix my brain
Horrible nightmare, woke up feeling extremely depressed and isolated, intrusive thoughts that won't disappear. Physically, nothing is happening at this moment, I am just tortured by my own thoughts and demons I have been dealing with for 5 years.
If only I can fix my brain
Im sorry you feel so frustrated. I know you've tried so much to make yourself feel better. I was listening to an interesting podcast earlier, and I thought of you. It's about new types of treatment for MH issues, like depression. Give it a listen if you have some time or maybe at the gym, it's a bit science heavy (which I like, but you may not) and is quite long. But it might fill you with some hope that some clever people are beginning to make more and more discoveries about he brain and how to treat things like depression. Or there might be things in there worth thinking about for you which you have not before.
or you can find it on Spotify
Feel like i’m failing today. 3rd day off and i haven’t done much not like i want to but at same time i feel like im doing something wrong . People around me are so negative and i just not sure if i did something or if i should be doing something, am i expected to do something . Should i alteady be doing something different but without being told to.
So tired of everyone around me having issues i cant do every fucking thing. And now that i have a week off it’s like i am a slob for not even cleaning everyday or helping others in the house with their chores or work. Why should i always have to help.
So tired of everyone around me having issues i cant do every fucking thing. And now that i have a week off it’s like i am a slob for not even cleaning everyday or helping others in the house with their chores or work. Why should i always have to help.
I'm still marveling at how my mother can move instantly my mood, this time from 2 (which was most days recently, a bit frustrated about my own uncertainties before starting to look for freelancing jobs) to 5 simply by mentioning how she still 'worries' about me and pities herself that she couldn't prevent me from becoming a transgendered person and 'living 'that' lifestyle', added by the detail that she managed to choose the hottest part of the day to do that, and I'm really bad with this hot weather.
I can pity and understand her a bit, because she's doing all this because of her own long problematic thoughts about problems at her work that may make her quit - and for good as she's 75 - but she still could work if not personal problems with a particular superior of her. But I can't support her - did before that - if her own 'inability' to stop me being tg is involved in discussion - obviously, but still frustrating.
Ok , may be 4 now as I wrote all this... sorry for bringing it here...
I can pity and understand her a bit, because she's doing all this because of her own long problematic thoughts about problems at her work that may make her quit - and for good as she's 75 - but she still could work if not personal problems with a particular superior of her. But I can't support her - did before that - if her own 'inability' to stop me being tg is involved in discussion - obviously, but still frustrating.
Ok , may be 4 now as I wrote all this... sorry for bringing it here...
I guess between a 5-6. The suicidal thoughts are back, but I am pretty sure it's not in me to do something about it. But I am so miserable and have difficulty doing much of anything. Also, I'd love to not burst out in tears at a moments notice. I'd like to just to be OK one day. Not great or amazing. Just OK. I'd love it.
Thank you @KindaOtiose Sometimes I think life just collapses and buries me underneath it. Im trying to stay logical and make head decisions but it’s not always easy. Sometimes it feels easier to give in to whatever gets thrown your way. Feeling a little better this evening and trying to hold onto it as best I can. Hope you are ok and thanks again for the reply. It means a lot. 
Xx
Xx
This is such a good definition of me now. If I physically died right now, by the end of the day tomorrow no one would even care. It's been some time since I've been on here, but that's because things were going tollerably well. Now, life just sucks. I know I'm very near crisis stage, but just don't care. I want to be on the other side, but not by getting "better". I want it all to be over. "Running over the same old ground, what have we found? The same old fears..." Please, God, take me away...
I've come & gone to SF many times over the years. It's one rock in my life I can depend on. Right now I know two things for sure. #1, SF can help me climb out of the hole & feel better, and #2, through no fault of SF RIGHT NOW, I don't want to climb out, I want to dig deeper & deeper. Thanks for the kind words. I know they help, just hard to believe at the moment...