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How are you today 1-10?
- Thread starter Walker
- Start date
TW: Writing about acting on my suicidal thoughts/urges but keeping myself safe!!!
I'm a 9½ today. I'm struggling for the past two weeks or so with more severe CPTSD symptoms, namely emotional dysregulation, flashbacks (one came up earlier again this morning), the emergence of new memories, & suicidal urges/impulses & accompanying feelings of desperation also called angst in myself & some inside people. Although the rationale side of me -metaphorically speaking- knows that suicide is a permanent solution to a short-term problem, the in-crisis me/mes' is/are beginning to think why fight the urges anymore, we're getting so tired, we're such a f*ck-up anyway (being a mid-genXer & still struggling with C-PTSD, DID, Social Anxiety Disorder, OCD, BFRBs, MDD in partial remission along with medical health issues like Severe Persistent Asthma, Hypertension, life-threatening food & drug allergies needing me to carry an epinephrine auto-injector. because of prior anaphylactic reactions & future risk [sure just let everything hang out why don't ya], & other things like we can't handle the bullying & threats at work, being socially isolated, alone/no family, etc., etc.), so, why not just go along with the irrational side of me -metaphorically speaking- that's thinking more & more (or being lulled/cajoled from deep inside) that suicide is the right course of action for me/us in that it would end all our struggles/suffering & provide us with peace. Of course it would instantaneously rob me of my future & any hope for a better life. So, that's why the 9½. My thoughts of actually attempting to k*ll myself on top of my feelings of desperation/angst wax & wane. But they're waxing more than waning. Okay. What do I do? I'll call my psychologist if I really get to the point of me not being able to keep myself safe "only" because I have a 12-year-old kitty named Abby (she's a Maine Coon Cross) which I love dearly & don't want to be put into danger. Also, as a little carrot dangling on the stick of life, I'm going to rush order the novel, "The Berry Pickers" by Amanda Peters on Amazon that I've been wanting for a very long time. Hopefully reading that will help me cope better with my thoughts & feelings.
I'm a 9½ today. I'm struggling for the past two weeks or so with more severe CPTSD symptoms, namely emotional dysregulation, flashbacks (one came up earlier again this morning), the emergence of new memories, & suicidal urges/impulses & accompanying feelings of desperation also called angst in myself & some inside people. Although the rationale side of me -metaphorically speaking- knows that suicide is a permanent solution to a short-term problem, the in-crisis me/mes' is/are beginning to think why fight the urges anymore, we're getting so tired, we're such a f*ck-up anyway (being a mid-genXer & still struggling with C-PTSD, DID, Social Anxiety Disorder, OCD, BFRBs, MDD in partial remission along with medical health issues like Severe Persistent Asthma, Hypertension, life-threatening food & drug allergies needing me to carry an epinephrine auto-injector. because of prior anaphylactic reactions & future risk [sure just let everything hang out why don't ya], & other things like we can't handle the bullying & threats at work, being socially isolated, alone/no family, etc., etc.), so, why not just go along with the irrational side of me -metaphorically speaking- that's thinking more & more (or being lulled/cajoled from deep inside) that suicide is the right course of action for me/us in that it would end all our struggles/suffering & provide us with peace. Of course it would instantaneously rob me of my future & any hope for a better life. So, that's why the 9½. My thoughts of actually attempting to k*ll myself on top of my feelings of desperation/angst wax & wane. But they're waxing more than waning. Okay. What do I do? I'll call my psychologist if I really get to the point of me not being able to keep myself safe "only" because I have a 12-year-old kitty named Abby (she's a Maine Coon Cross) which I love dearly & don't want to be put into danger. Also, as a little carrot dangling on the stick of life, I'm going to rush order the novel, "The Berry Pickers" by Amanda Peters on Amazon that I've been wanting for a very long time. Hopefully reading that will help me cope better with my thoughts & feelings.
Very sorry for writing this. I'm being a huge Debby Downer today. I just want to share two articles about people suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder like me having one of the highest risk of suic*de (70%) among people with mental health concerns. Something to think about if someone has a DID person as a friend or family member in their life. They need a little extra support during crisis times. Here are the links:
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/...uicide-risk-in-dissociative-identity-disorder
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/...gies-to-use-when-someone-with-did-is-suicidal
Thank you for reading
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/...uicide-risk-in-dissociative-identity-disorder
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/...gies-to-use-when-someone-with-did-is-suicidal
Thank you for reading
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