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how can I love my body?

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#2
Start with what you can change. Dig deep into nutrition. Get weights and put muscle on ,,having strength is a brilliant way to feel good and very practical .
Be very careful of the EGO when the muscles and strength arive, the fact your studying neuroscience ,youl be aware of motivation problems if low in dopamine .spending time on healing any trauma from childhood is a must ,,,as I said on the other thread , be very careful feeding the demon of resentment and envy..
Respect to you.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#3
We were all made in different shapes and sizes, colors and textures. Every person has value or the universe could not have created them.
I have a lot of body issues too. A lot. And I will probably post and ask the same thing. But I want you to consider the function and health over size and appearance. This society has the weirdest and the stupidest and shallow appearance expectations. I always thought so. I see beauty and intelligence in all bodies.
Something that helped me, idk if it's just me, is I look for stories of people who have it so much worse than me so I will reevaluate my own perception of myself. And I also read beautiful people pointing out their flaws. It realigns the balance when my head tweaks out sometimes over it.
I began to have a quite different perspective when I learned about people with progeria. I still have issues but I try to think about what my body does right, instead of everything I hate..the gratefulness has actually helped me not worry as much. Because I could have a lot worse fears.
That being said. I know this trick is personal and may not be for everyone.
So, remember short people are awesome, we can fit into tiny spaces, hide better than others and sometimes have special physical skills taller people don't have.
Penis size...ain't about size it's about what you do with it.
Overweight? We all have some imbalances, really, don't hate yourself for it because it will only make it worse. Also in many cultures and before modern times in many places, fat is/was considered beautiful and desirable. I love John candy, for instance, I think he's cute and never ever cared how big he was, except for his health of course.
I think the love might take some work in your perception, but that's ok.
Check this out: this is from the NYT article 'When fat was in fashion'
Screenshot_20210505-105230.png Screenshot_20210505-105307.png
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#4
@Catch_22 is right. Perceptions of "beauty" have changed over the ages. Not sure if this helps, but mostly what is pushed as "idealized" beauty today is really just a form of capitalism, which makes us feel if we can somehow attain the unattainable we will be happy. The images we are fed, and products we're expect to buy to achieve a mirror of that image is impossible. Those people do not exist as real people, they are manufactured. And that's not very attractive.

That said, I suffer from that chase of the unattainable myself. So, it's a struggle. The best you can do, is realize you are beautiful and deserve to feel as such. It's more about policing the negative voice in your head than it is about what you really look like.

And sometimes, I find, just doing something you love or are good at will make you more attractive to others. I'm not sure that makes sense, but just do the things you love and you'll find people who love watching you do the things you love to do. Also, being a good person goes a REALLY LONG WAY. Just be you and be kind to yourself.
 
#5
Sorry that you feel bad about your body.

I'm completely repulsive
Not everyone is obsessed with height, weight, and penis size. It sounds like you may be overly critical of your face, but not everybody has the same ideas about what's attractive, or is obsessed with superficial things.

There are some books that you could read that might help.

Overcoming Low Self-Esteem, 2nd Edition: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques

Melanie Fennell


Body Image Problems and Body Dysmorphic Disorder: The Definitive Treatment and Recovery Approach

I don't know if the second book addresses body image in general, or just BDD, but it still might be worth checking into.

Both books are from the Reading-Well list of books. A complete list of the books, as well as background info on each book is available at reading-well.org.uk.

Reading-Well's books are approved by mental health professionals, and the Reading-Well site is sponsored by the UK's National Health Service.
 
#6
Lifting weights can help, and better nutrition. But a word of caution: I'm 6'5" and quite muscular, but my face could give a warthog the dry heaves. Height and muscles aren't everything.

Are you looking to attract women, or men? Men are more accepting; women are FAR harsher about accepting looks. I know this firsthand very well.

If you are wanting to improve yourself for you, that is the best reason.
 

BlueKoala

Well-Known Member
#7
I was about to comment about how the beauty industry (or any industry that revolves around beauty) actually preys on people’s insecurities. Pretty much the only reason why people have insecurities is because these “problems” are projected onto us by the beauty industry so that we buy their products and services. I’m not kidding, it’s true. A big telling factor of that is that depending on the time period and culture, beauty standards are wildly different. Why, all of a sudden, do people nearly internationally start praising these one-kind-one-type kinds of people who look similar to each other? It’s because in order for the beauty market to succeed, they need to make as many people as possible to all have the same insecurities, so that they can earn their money. It’s really disgusting, and the moment I realized this/learned this information, I thought “these standards are literally fabricated by people who want to earn my hard earned money by making me hate myself — they made me hate my body just so they could earn off of my insecurities. I can’t let myself to give into these false, impossible standards anymore and let some rich jerk CEO take my money that they earned from my sadness.” I know that it’s easier said than done for many people, but it did work for me.
Of course, it’s important to be healthy. However, don’t uphold yourself to a standard of “I’m worse than this person because I don’t look like [insert] and because I don’t do [insert].” You should do this for yourself before anyone else, no matter what anyone tell you otherwise.
Now, I can offer you some advice: you can start off by picking clothes that flatter your body/that look stylish. Honestly, I can’t really say what exactly is stylish since my own style is a bit...uh...how do I say this...weird? However, the concept “stylish” means completely two different things depending form what kind of people you’re talking to, so I’d say pick out what you want to wear. I feel like style also comes down to not only what you wear, but how you feel like in the clothing you’re wearing. If you like it yourself and feel confident in your clothes and you’re happy with your clothing, then I feel like you’re already leagues ahead people who wear expensive clothing but only wear it for the brands, and not because they’re genuinely happy to wear the clothes they’re wearing. This is my opinion, but I’m sure many people would agree with me on this.
Of course, there will be people who might laugh at you or look at you in surprise or whatever — I have experienced this first hand many many times myself. At first I felt embarrassed, self conscious, and just...generally not great from that. However, you need to remember that there will always be people who don’t like you, no matter what. Just because there’s some people who don’t like you/how you look like/your style of clothes, doesn’t mean that there aren’t any people who like you/your looks/your style of clothes. For me, I’ve encountered a lot of “your clothing is weird” or “you’re dressed like a child” etc., but I’ve also gotten surprised/interested looks and compliments about my style, too. When I was feeling doubtful about whether I made the right choice to wear my “weird” clothes before and I was more self conscious, I did get a lot more weird/mean looks/comments. But now that I’m happy about my style, I actually tend to get more smiles and compliments my way now.
Sorry for the long post — I just wanted to share my thoughts and it kind of turned into a rant haha. Hopefully at least a bit of this info was useful to you! : )
 
#8
I was about to comment about how the beauty industry (or any industry that revolves around beauty) actually preys on people’s insecurities. Pretty much the only reason why people have insecurities is because these “problems” are projected onto us by the beauty industry so that we buy their products and services. I’m not kidding, it’s true. A big telling factor of that is that depending on the time period and culture, beauty standards are wildly different. Why, all of a sudden, do people nearly internationally start praising these one-kind-one-type kinds of people who look similar to each other? It’s because in order for the beauty market to succeed, they need to make as many people as possible to all have the same insecurities, so that they can earn their money. It’s really disgusting, and the moment I realized this/learned this information, I thought “these standards are literally fabricated by people who want to earn my hard earned money by making me hate myself — they made me hate my body just so they could earn off of my insecurities. I can’t let myself to give into these false, impossible standards anymore and let some rich jerk CEO take my money that they earned from my sadness.” I know that it’s easier said than done for many people, but it did work for me.
Of course, it’s important to be healthy. However, don’t uphold yourself to a standard of “I’m worse than this person because I don’t look like [insert] and because I don’t do [insert].” You should do this for yourself before anyone else, no matter what anyone tell you otherwise.
Now, I can offer you some advice: you can start off by picking clothes that flatter your body/that look stylish. Honestly, I can’t really say what exactly is stylish since my own style is a bit...uh...how do I say this...weird? However, the concept “stylish” means completely two different things depending form what kind of people you’re talking to, so I’d say pick out what you want to wear. I feel like style also comes down to not only what you wear, but how you feel like in the clothing you’re wearing. If you like it yourself and feel confident in your clothes and you’re happy with your clothing, then I feel like you’re already leagues ahead people who wear expensive clothing but only wear it for the brands, and not because they’re genuinely happy to wear the clothes they’re wearing. This is my opinion, but I’m sure many people would agree with me on this.
Of course, there will be people who might laugh at you or look at you in surprise or whatever — I have experienced this first hand many many times myself. At first I felt embarrassed, self conscious, and just...generally not great from that. However, you need to remember that there will always be people who don’t like you, no matter what. Just because there’s some people who don’t like you/how you look like/your style of clothes, doesn’t mean that there aren’t any people who like you/your looks/your style of clothes. For me, I’ve encountered a lot of “your clothing is weird” or “you’re dressed like a child” etc., but I’ve also gotten surprised/interested looks and compliments about my style, too. When I was feeling doubtful about whether I made the right choice to wear my “weird” clothes before and I was more self conscious, I did get a lot more weird/mean looks/comments. But now that I’m happy about my style, I actually tend to get more smiles and compliments my way now.
Sorry for the long post — I just wanted to share my thoughts and it kind of turned into a rant haha. Hopefully at least a bit of this info was useful to you! : )
The saddest thing about the beauty industry is what it does to kids: they grow up not thinking they can measure up to the impossible standards Madison Avenue sets. Their self esteem and body image is assailed before it can even take shape. I blame the beauty industry/Hollywood for anorexia and bulimia.

Truly a disgusting, predatory and parasitic industry.
 

BlueKoala

Well-Known Member
#9
The saddest thing about the beauty industry is what it does to kids: they grow up not thinking they can measure up to the impossible standards Madison Avenue sets. Their self esteem and body image is assailed before it can even take shape. I blame the beauty industry/Hollywood for anorexia and bulimia.

Truly a disgusting, predatory and parasitic industry.
Yes, I agree. I remember starting to be conscious of how my body looks when I was just 12, and because of that, I had pretty bad body image. Thankfully I don’t feel that way anymore — only recently did I get out of hating my own body. It’s sad that there are kids younger than how old I was that feel this way...it’s really scary. Of course, it’s also horrible that anyone of any age feels this way at all. I just hope that by shedding light on what’s really happening to others, that they will start to change their own perspectives on this and maybe start feel better about themselves.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#10
Yes, I agree. I remember starting to be conscious of how my body looks when I was just 12, and because of that, I had pretty bad body image. Thankfully I don’t feel that way anymore — only recently did I get out of hating my own body. It’s sad that there are kids younger than how old I was that feel this way...it’s really scary. Of course, it’s also horrible that anyone of any age feels this way at all. I just hope that by shedding light on what’s really happening to others, that they will start to change their own perspectives on this and maybe start feel better about themselves.
I was ten. :/
 

BlueKoala

Well-Known Member
#11
Oh my god, that’s genuinely so horrible. Unfortunately, it’s not hard for me to wrap my head around how a ten year old has body image problems, because when a huge industry tried to hammer into your brain for year that your body isn’t “perfect”, it’s going to have an effect on the people exposed to it, and children tend to be exposed to it as well. I’m really sorry that you were so young when your body image issues started (or, in fact, that they have started at all.) I really hope that we as a collective of people start to try and change the industry (or at least, to counter it’s harmful ideas). Maybe that way, children, teenagers, and adults will not hate their own bodies — especially at really young ages.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#12
I remember seeing a photo book that came out in the 1990s that had all these pictures of rich people around Los Angeles which were placed in the book without context. There was one of a little girl, she looked to be about 8, in a party dress, standing on a scale. Her parents were standing over her. She was actually 12, but was just so tiny. And I have no idea if her parents were checking her weight because they were concerned she was overweight or they worried she was underweight. It was hard to know. I never forgot it.

Body image issues hit us at such young ages. It's so upsetting. I don't know exactly how old I was, but I think it was pre-high school, so just before. So possibly 13.
 
#13
I had many girls and women tell me for over thirty years verbally (and in other less overt ways) that I was ugly. Hollywood and popular TV show portrayals don't help either. I knew I was ugly at 10. I actually have had guys hit on me on rare occasions. That's how I know I'm repulsive to the female gender. My own wife settled for me.

It's still best to work to achieve a better appearance for yourself, above all.
 
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A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#14
I had many girls and women tell me for over thirty years verbally (and in other less overt ways) that I was ugly. Hollywood and popular TV show portrayals don't help either. I knew I was ugly at 10. I actually have had guys hit on me on rare occasions. That's how I know I'm repulsive to the female gender. My own wife settled for me.

It's still best to work to achieve a better appearance for yourself, above all.
Just to clarify, gay men have great taste. So, that's not a classifier of being ugly at all. I'm sorry women have been cruel, that's hard. I know a lot of guys though who think they are ugly and they really aren't. And I hate that word anyway. It's horrible.

I was told I was ugly by many men through my life too. When I was in high school the kid I had the biggest crush on told me that to my face. It was soul crushing. I'm sure it played into my never ending need for certain kinds of attention. Later in life, I think most men did a number on me by sleeping with other women while we were together. Women who were... Oh, I don't know, models, actresses, etc. It's hard.

I agree, that people should dress for themselves, and build their own style. That helps immensely. Because loving what you wear builds confidence in people. Gives you a strut. A good friend of mine gets everything tailored, and he looks dynamite always. Also, he swears he's ugly and he's one of the best looking men I know. So, I mean...
 
#15
Just to clarify, gay men have great taste. So, that's not a classifier of being ugly at all. I'm sorry women have been cruel, that's hard. I know a lot of guys though who think they are ugly and they really aren't. And I hate that word anyway. It's horrible.

I was told I was ugly by many men through my life too. When I was in high school the kid I had the biggest crush on told me that to my face. It was soul crushing. I'm sure it played into my never ending need for certain kinds of attention. Later in life, I think most men did a number on me by sleeping with other women while we were together. Women who were... Oh, I don't know, models, actresses, etc. It's hard.

I agree, that people should dress for themselves, and build their own style. That helps immensely. Because loving what you wear builds confidence in people. Gives you a strut. A good friend of mine gets everything tailored, and he looks dynamite always. Also, he swears he's ugly and he's one of the best looking men I know. So, I mean...
Awful that you experienced the same thing from men as I did from women. Other humans really know how to eviscerate our sense of self worth. I am sorry.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#16
Awful that you experienced the same thing from men as I did from women. Other humans really know how to eviscerate our sense of self worth. I am sorry.
Thank you. I do think those kinds of reactions have severe reprecussions, even when we're old enough to understand that that person must just be a total jerk. Doesn't always make it easier. And I'm sorry about your experiences too.

Totally random: But when I was a teen I had to take the bus and whenever I asked if I could sit next to someone, they always said no. I'd always end up at the back with the rowdy kids who called me names the whole way home. I used to miss the bus all the time and my father knew why. It just drove him nuts that I he was always picking me up from school.

Years later, it just hurts. So funny how some feelings never fade. It impacts our lives.

But I remember telling that story in a writing class I took when I was in my early 30s, and the level of sympathy was through the roof. It was kind of cathartic. But it still hurts.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#17
Thank you. I do think those kinds of reactions have severe reprecussions, even when we're old enough to understand that that person must just be a total jerk. Doesn't always make it easier. And I'm sorry about your experiences too.

Totally random: But when I was a teen I had to take the bus and whenever I asked if I could sit next to someone, they always said no. I'd always end up at the back with the rowdy kids who called me names the whole way home. I used to miss the bus all the time and my father knew why. It just drove him nuts that I he was always picking me up from school.

Years later, it just hurts. So funny how some feelings never fade. It impacts our lives.

But I remember telling that story in a writing class I took when I was in my early 30s, and the level of sympathy was through the roof. It was kind of cathartic. But it still hurts.
OMG. I'm the queen of typos. My father NEVER KNEW why he was always picking me up from school.

Sorry. Trauma typing!
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#18
Oh my god, that’s genuinely so horrible. Unfortunately, it’s not hard for me to wrap my head around how a ten year old has body image problems, because when a huge industry tried to hammer into your brain for year that your body isn’t “perfect”, it’s going to have an effect on the people exposed to it, and children tend to be exposed to it as well. I’m really sorry that you were so young when your body image issues started (or, in fact, that they have started at all.) I really hope that we as a collective of people start to try and change the industry (or at least, to counter it’s harmful ideas). Maybe that way, children, teenagers, and adults will not hate their own bodies — especially at really young ages.
The beauty industry effected me as a child in several ways. Most would have been in effect from the adults buying into beauty standards and the hollywood blonde actresses I watched on tv. I had no idea why I looked different than button nose, tan, long-legged, long flowing hair, blonde girls with big boobs. I had a crooked nose and fair skin and my hair would never grow past my shoulders, and I'm short, tiny breasts. I do know that played a factor because I remember how my mother was effected and she was bullied horribly. She could never measure up and it hurt really bad (still upsetting now to think about) to see her look at herself badly. She didn't deserve it. Being amongst the industry of models and tv/film actresses is filled with competition and insane pressures most people could never realistically, naturally meet. It set a scary tone by jr high. My real issues actually stem from religious and guardian abuse. Weird issues about my hair, looking perfect in every way, looking like the dolls on rich girls shelves. That has to be an effect in part, from the beauty industry. By ten when I looked in the mirror I saw half my face was my mother's and half my father's. I didn't have a face, just half of each of them and I thought everyone saw it and I wasn't there. Then when I was in LA it did become an issue as you talk about, totally. Perfection standards rose to an extremely disgusting and impossible to meet level. I thought my nose was ten times larger than it actually is. Carried that with me into my mid twenties.
Religion, politics and Hollywood are all arms of the same machine, they all target specific areas of the public's minds and emotions to pressure, manipulate and demoralize them on all sides to send them running to buy products for capitalism. It's major. This is an intentional predatory tactic, for sure. Super sick.
Also I saw how this effected my older brother who was also bullied. He is good looking but got messed with bad for being skinny and short. He was the worst effected, in my opinion in my family, and that's saying something.
Also @A_J_R is right, gay men got style and gay men hitting on anyone doesn't mean it's cause the ladies don't want ya. Many gay men are big flirts but I never seen them flirt with someone they weren't attracted to like women often will. I could be wrong my world is small.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#19
The beauty industry effected me as a child in several ways. Most would have been in effect from the adults buying into beauty standards and the hollywood blonde actresses I watched on tv. I had no idea why I looked different than button nose, tan, long-legged, long flowing hair, blonde girls with big boobs. I had a crooked nose and fair skin and my hair would never grow past my shoulders, and I'm short, tiny breasts. I do know that played a factor because I remember how my mother was effected and she was bullied horribly. She could never measure up and it hurt really bad (still upsetting now to think about) to see her look at herself badly. She didn't deserve it. Being amongst the industry of models and tv/film actresses is filled with competition and insane pressures most people could never realistically, naturally meet. It set a scary tone by jr high. My real issues actually stem from religious and guardian abuse. Weird issues about my hair, looking perfect in every way, looking like the dolls on rich girls shelves. That has to be an effect in part, from the beauty industry. By ten when I looked in the mirror I saw half my face was my mother's and half my father's. I didn't have a face, just half of each of them and I thought everyone saw it and I wasn't there. Then when I was in LA it did become an issue as you talk about, totally. Perfection standards rose to an extremely disgusting and impossible to meet level. I thought my nose was ten times larger than it actually is. Carried that with me into my mid twenties.
Religion, politics and Hollywood are all arms of the same machine, they all target specific areas of the public's minds and emotions to pressure, manipulate and demoralize them on all sides to send them running to buy products for capitalism. It's major. This is an intentional predatory tactic, for sure. Super sick.
Also I saw how this effected my older brother who was also bullied. He is good looking but got messed with bad for being skinny and short. He was the worst effected, in my opinion in my family, and that's saying something.
Also @A_J_R is right, gay men got style and gay men hitting on anyone doesn't mean it's cause the ladies don't want ya. Many gay men are big flirts but I never seen them flirt with someone they weren't attracted to like women often will. I could be wrong my world is small.
My mother had a secret issue with her body image and food. It didn't make sense until I was older. She had cancer surgery and something went horribly wrong and she was in the hospital for a month. Anyway, she was knocked out for days. The FIRST thing she did when she woke up was weigh herself, assuming she'd lost weight while being under sedation. I was in my 20s then, and things started to make sense. I seldom saw her eat too. Like, one meal a day. I guess she inadvertently gave me some of those traits. I feel for her, because she wasn't a typical beauty by any means. I see that it haunted her and she held it in silence. So sad. My dad loved her though more than anything, and I know he thought she was the most beautiful creature in the world. And she was lovely. It was society's idea of beauty that made her feel otherwise.

But I know it's that feeling of being unattractive that has pushed me into so many regrettable situations. It feels so dumb, because on the surface it looks like silly problem, but boy does it scar you when you truly think you are ugly.
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Peace comes from within" - The Buddha
#20
I've had the same issue with being told I am ugly, comparing myself to the impossible standards of the beauty industry etc.

But I want to make one thing clear - EVERYONE is somebody's type. My husband thinks I am cute and beautiful and I think he is handsome. Both of us were rejected for years by others. It is all just a matter of opinion. Yes, there are cultural standards and some people fall short of them, but even if you are rejected by a majority of people, you are wrong to assume that everyone feels the same way. People can be such opposites of each other.
 

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