how can you stop being hard on yourself?

[tuli]

Hello everyone! im a litte bit forgiving today towards my most recent fuck-up. I want to just forget because its done but i always end thinking about the lots of mistakes i make and how i cant do a single thing right- it can get really dark and i dont want to be there
usually forgiving myself makes me feel like im lying or being lazy or over indulging and i just want to be ok with myself for a goddamn moment.
anyone got any tricks?

 

[Sunspots]

It takes practice. What helps me is I try to think what my best friend would say to me if they knew what I was thinking. Generally I trust my best friend more than I trust myself so why wouldn't I trust her on this too?

 

[BraveFace]

A f* up, is never nice... but sometimes we have to just own it and push through! So be kind to yourself
Like @Sunspots said, practice...
x

 

[WaterUnder]

Idk, would you forgive someone else the same mistakes? If so, then remind yourself that it's okay to shrug it off. If not, you need to become a more empathetic judge. Humans mess up! A lot!

 

[BraveFace]

Sorry @WaterUnder - what mistake?
Sometimes we mess up, and sometimes we pay a price for that.
It doesn't mean that we have to punish ourselves further

 

[Bobmrb]

The only way not to f*up is not to do anything at all. Sometimes things just go wrong. You shouldn't punish yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself what you can learn from you mistakes. Will that help to prevent the same thing occurring again or make the outcome less damaging

 

[WaterUnder]

.

 

[WaterUnder]

Sorry @WaterUnder - what mistake?
Sometimes we mess up, and sometimes we pay a price for that.
It doesn't mean that we have to punish ourselves further

That's what I was saying.

 

[BlueGreen]

Hello everyone! im a litte bit forgiving today towards my most recent fuck-up. I want to just forget because its done but i always end thinking about the lots of mistakes i make and how i cant do a single thing right- it can get really dark and i dont want to be there
usually forgiving myself makes me feel like im lying or being lazy or over indulging and i just want to be ok with myself for a goddamn moment.
anyone got any tricks?

What works for me came about after my father died and I realised how one second or one year, it's all in the past and can't be changed (that's the short version.) So turn your thought on it's head and think about the moment you fucked up. Can you bring that moment back and make it happen again? No, it's impossible, its in the past and there's nothing you can do about that. So that's great, it's can't happen in that same way again, not even if you wanted it to! In fact, it worked for me today when I had a very close call with a car that pulled out into the road from a side turning even though I was doing 120kph and had to slam on my brakes not to hit him. I felt the anger instantly but as soon as he turned off a few minutes later, I thought that's it, it's in the past no point staying me staying angry. I do that with a lot of stuff (my mistakes too) I would have mulled over for days, months or even years.

 

[tuli]

Idk, would you forgive someone else the same mistakes? If so, then remind yourself that it's okay to shrug it off. If not, you need to become a more empathetic judge. Humans mess up! A lot!

I don't know if I would- what I did would probably not be meant for forgiveness, it'd be rather a matter of judgement.
If someone made a really dumb mistake, and it's not up to you to forgive but actually call them dumb for that- I don't know if I would.
The truth is that I think it wouldn't be my business.

I don't know if this thing is understanable but being empathetic sounds like a thing to really work on :$

Thanks

 

[tuli]

What works for me came about after my father died and I realised how one second or one year, it's all in the past and can't be changed (that's the short version.) So turn your thought on it's head and think about the moment you fucked up. Can you bring that moment back and make it happen again? No, it's impossible, its in the past and there's nothing you can do about that. So that's great, it's can't happen in that same way again, not even if you wanted it to! In fact, it worked for me today when I had a very close call with a car that pulled out into the road from a side turning even though I was doing 120kph and had to slam on my brakes not to hit him. I felt the anger instantly but as soon as he turned off a few minutes later, I thought that's it, it's in the past no point staying me staying angry. I do that with a lot of stuff (my mistakes too) I would have mulled over for days, months or even years.

Sorry about your father, it's amazing that you've managed to feel at peace with it like that!
Ahhhh I knowwwwf, oftenly I get something like a helicopter view phenomenon related to the "what's done it's done" thing. I know it can't be changed but it's hard to keep myself from start running in circles again

 

[WaterUnder]

I don't know if I would
Thanks

Hey, Tuli. To me, it just takes too much time and energy to judge these mistakes and hold onto feelings regarding them. The ones I focus on (and not that I have the answer) are those that I want to understand why and learn from.
In those times that I judged myself or others critically, I found it didn't change anything other than to make my outlook more negative.
Idk if that makes sense.

Btw: I love your avatar. It makes me smile every time i see it, so thank you!

 

[Auri]

Hello everyone! im a litte bit forgiving today towards my most recent fuck-up. I want to just forget because its done but i always end thinking about the lots of mistakes i make and how i cant do a single thing right- it can get really dark and i dont want to be there
usually forgiving myself makes me feel like im lying or being lazy or over indulging and i just want to be ok with myself for a goddamn moment.
anyone got any tricks?

Read my signature. ♡

When you make a mistake, think about a person you love and imagine them making that same mistake. What would you tell them ? How would you treat them ? Would you forgive them ? Wouldn't you help them to solve the issue instead of judging them ?

Then logically apply the same rules to yourself