How do I begin?

#3
I’m not sure I’m doing this correctly. I’m tryimg to create a forum for those of us sharing the sixties both in age and decade of thinking we were ready for the world... I am looking to exchange ideas and share experiences (some anxieties and dreads) while trying with all my might not to just give in and shut down and accept the role of a bitter old lady (I’ve had too many role models for that) as mine now. In the past 4 years I’ve had at least 4 breakdowns, contemplated suicide at least 3 times seriously but I have a daughter I would never (yet) leave that for her to deal with. I suffer from PTSD not as a soldier but as a child of trauma and abandonment and of course I’ve managed to minimize and compartmentalize for decades.

Now I’m here. I want to see and be seen. I want to hear and share. I want to hold with care and be held with compassion. That is until the times I actually sleep on my bathroom floor sober but with some Xanax to quiet my mind and just curl up, hibernate, and in some strange way — feel safe.

Anyone relate. Please share with me. Thanks for your attention.
 
#5
I like that, I can sense good in this one ;)
I'm actually a bit younger, so maybe I don't have a lot to relate... but I really hope you can find like-minded folk around here.
This is a good place to vent, also to find pleasant distractions through sharing art, music and humour. Hope you feel at home here, hugs
William
 

SillyOldBear

Teddy Bear Fanatic
Staff Alumni
#7
@Puff’s Heart I am a female in my 60's. I find getting old incredibly difficult and am ready to leave this world any time. I find this world too violent, too full of liars, too full of greed, too full of all the bad things. I long for the simpler times of the 1960's. Although I would insist on keeping the microwave oven and remote control. As things go downhill in life I have become a bitter old lady. My sense of humor, which was once incredible, is almost totally gone. I fear the future. How will I pay for things. Medical bills, keep a roof over my head, property taxes. How can I help my brother who has colon cancer. Will Trump ruin this country even more then it has already been ruined. Well, that's a start. Hope its what you are looking for.
 
#8
Thank you for your thoughts. I’m “old” but I don’t dread the age as much as wasting precious time. And I’m lonely, desperately lonely. I’m married to a good but frankly boring man content to watch sports, go to the gym a couple of days a week and work one day a week. He was my “rock” for years and now I feel reluctantly tethered to him. We have 3 adult children all doing wonderfully. We are in reasonably good health and financially we are okay. So... what’s my problem? I’m stuck. I’m miserable. I’m sometimes suicidal. How dare I be when I should feel blessed. Some of this comes now because recent events have triggered PTSD in me from a childhood hood of trauma, neglect and abandonment I never allowed my self to acknowledge much less even remember. I am just dealing with the truth of this now and honestly the pain is beyond what I think I’m able to tolerate... I’m not religious at all - was intentionally raised not to be as a matter of fact, So I sit in my existential angst wondering why am I here, why does it matter, what’s the point. This may be to much info too soon about me but that’s where I am. And I agree with you the world, all the information I am bombarded with daily scares me, saddens me, in furiates me and underscores how powerless I am.

I am now in some serious gut wrenching therapy and I am sure without that I would not be here. So I hold onto hope while being terrified of hoping because each spiral down again literally takes my breath and my reasons to continue away.

Thanks for listening.
 

Angie

SF Cat Lady
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
Welcome Puff. I am 58 and have been on disability since I was 50. I am no way set financially and it has become my personal terror. But yes, to the casual person in my age group I seem pretty ok (except for those unexplained absences).

I find it hard to make new friends. I am alone most of the time.

That being said, I am a long time member of SF, and this is a good, supportive and non-judgmental place.

Welcome.
 

Winslow

Antiquitie's Friend
SF Supporter
#10
Having reached 65 this past July, let me welcome Puff. The wisdom that comes with age includes the realization that pain is Unavoidable. Once I've learned to accept pain, then life becomes easier or at least more tolerable. The practice of Buddhism helps a great deal too, because it teaches me that the goal is not happiness but instead serenity. The Buddhist principle is that Joy and Pain are both sides of the same coin, so if one strives for happiness, then one will find pain also. So one should instead strive for peace of mind, serenity. That comes from doing meditation.
Buddhism does not have any dogma so it does not preach. Although it teaches you how to find serenity, it lets you find your own way. The only religion that is Not supernatural but instead acceptance of everyday reality. To
control your own emotions is up to you. Whatever works for you is fine, but this is what works for me.
 
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#11
Hi Puff. Welcome to SF. I'm reluctantly 64 (and not almost 65!). I guess I watched Peter Pan with my sister once too often. I'll never grow up! I remember the 60s well. In some ways it was awesome but personally it was a terrible time for me.

So here I am at the other end of the road. I've been suicidal but I don't want to die. I have good things happening (finally) but I've lost my enthusiasm. Only my dogs bring me happiness. I'm terminally separated from an alcoholic wife and moved from Sunny warm North Carolina to the Frozen North to be away from her. These should be the years I can relax and enjoy what life brought me, but life only brought more crap. So here I sit in my little bedroom on Saturday night on Suicide Forum.

I really didn't start this post with the intent to start grumbling! Good grief sometimes I sound like an old man!

On the upside, while I have never been wealthy, I've been rich in my adult life experiences. I was a leader in the Army, I had a great run as a deputy sheriff until I went to college to be a teacher. During a summer break I got into working on airplanes which I still do. Some rewarding careers and great memories (and some pretty funny stories!) Raised 2 daughters who, as children were the light of my life. I'll say no more there.

But now I'm lonely. I still think young and I like to be around young people. But I've been told both here and elsewhere that I am wrong to prefer younger ladies. So I remain alone. Such is life, no? Playing Canasta and bridge and Trivial Pursuit 70s edition isn't my idea of a good time. (Here I go again. Stop that!)

Being in my 60s sucks. I'm still very healthy and active but I don't fit the mold that society is trying to force me into. When we turn the clocks back tonight, I'm turning mine back 30 years.
 
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SillyOldBear

Teddy Bear Fanatic
Staff Alumni
#12
Wish we could turn the clock back 30 years @A guy with feelings I would like a 'do-over' on a number of things. I am certainly NOT finding the 60's to be a time of relaxation. More like pain, poverty, anxiety and a wish to either die or for things to be very different. I just don't fit in this world any more. It has changed too much and I have not changed with it. And I really don't want to change with it. I don't want to fit the mold society is shoving down my throat. I think my parents felt the same way as they aged. The old just don't fit in with the young of this world. One of these days, when today's young get old, they will see what I mean.

Just keep thinking of the farmhouse and those dogs of yours. The 10th is coming soon.
 

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