This year I've been having a lot of psychotic and other symptoms of varying intensity depending on how good I am about notifying my doc and taking adjusted meds (being honest here). I manage to convince myself hey I'm fine; I was just making it up and then before I know it I'm in scrubs or having an otherwise bad time. I think I've got a better handle on things now but I'm told my insight isn't the best. I take my antipsychotic as I should now but I still find myself entrenched in this persecutory and semi-confused mindset that everything I do is being consciously monitored and judged by someone somewhere. I am afraid to do a lot of things as a result. Whenever I bring up my fears of being tracked or logged to my family they don't seem to take me very seriously. I'm not sure if this is paranoia because I think my fears aren't totally ungrounded but I guess it's others' reactions to my beliefs and how I remember not being concerned about this stuff much at all before (at least in a long time) that makes me wonder if I'm not in the clear just yet. I've been taking my anonymity quite seriously and despite my 'excessive' measures I still don't feel totally secure.
At the end of all this, I think I'm pretty okay as far as psychotic symptoms go but now I'm just doubting myself all the time and I can't trust my thoughts. Is this where I should solely trust other people? What if they just don't know what I know to be true? I have no evidence but it's not like it would be left for me to find anyway because I know where to look. I think. I wanted to switch to something other than risperidone but my doc said it was way too soon. I do t know anymore.
Thank you for reading if you did.
At the end of all this, I think I'm pretty okay as far as psychotic symptoms go but now I'm just doubting myself all the time and I can't trust my thoughts. Is this where I should solely trust other people? What if they just don't know what I know to be true? I have no evidence but it's not like it would be left for me to find anyway because I know where to look. I think. I wanted to switch to something other than risperidone but my doc said it was way too soon. I do t know anymore.
Thank you for reading if you did.