How it all started

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Cheelow, Jun 14, 2013.

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  1. Cheelow

    Cheelow Member

    I don't remember a time when i didn't have self image issues or eating issues. I remember in middle school me and my best friend would go into the bathroom before school and just look at ourselves in the mirror and name things that we didn't like. I use to be able to eat whatever i wanted and i didn't care but my freshman year of high school I was really sick whenever i ate i threw up, i spent half a year going to different doctors before they figured out that it was my gal bladder, and by that time i had so many gal stones the doctors siad that it could have exploded any minute which was what was causing me to throw up. Once i had that taken out i think that's really what triggered my eating disorder. It went from just restricting to making sure i didn't eat anything unhealthy and then i became obsessed. Ans then i started to abuse laxatives i remember i would take so many that i would almost pass out. I stopped drinking soda and eating red meat and i started throwing up to make myself feel better. I would go to the gym almost everyday for as long as i could. I remember i used to try and convince myself the reason i was doing it was because i was trying to make my stomach stop hurting like before i had my gal bladder out but that's wasn't the truth. By junior year i had lost a lot of weight and people started noticing and i think that made me want to do it more. I wanted to be noticed for how skinny i was not because i was the "fat friend". It's been almost three years now and my eating disorder is at its all time worst. I barely eat anything because i'm afraid of gaining weight and when i do eat i throw up, and when i try not to throw up i think about throwing up until the feeling is so overwhelming that i have a panic attack and i have to go throw up. I go through periods of recovery and then i relapse every time. People try to understand but nobody really gets it everybody thinks that i can just stop whenever i want and i can't.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No i understand that hun you cannot just stop You need professional help to stop hun therapy I hope you talk to your doctor and get into treatment plan to helpyou. The more your throw up the more damage you can do to the valve at top of your stomach and damage to your esophagus etc hun hugs toyou
  3. Tinydancer1

    Tinydancer1 Member

    Hey Hun ,
    I understand how you feel and it makes you feel so alone. The problem is the more you keep it to yourself th worst it gets. I so know the feeling of wanting to do it more because of the attention your getting but honestly a few years down the road and you will wish you had sorted it! When your teeth and hair are falling out and your too ill to enjoy little things in life. have also had self confidence issues and still suffer but I have overcome my eating disorders. They are still always at the back of my mind but I have controlled them to the point where I don't have to obsess about it anymore. I actually came to this forum for other reasons but want to try and help as many people as I can with things I have gone through. My first piece of advice to you is to either get outside help or at least speak to someone even if its online you can always message me and just let out everything what ur going through, what you want to change and what's stopping you don't worry about anyone judging you on here just make sure you let everything out. Secondly think about your health , healthy people look good imagine feeling slim not skinny having healthy hair , skin , nails and most importantly bein happy. Your body needs nutrients to be like this , think of all the people that will envy you when you look like this! Try to eat whole foods and nourish your body with fruits veg and meat lots of water try running or excersisng it makes you feel so much better and reward yourself ! Please please message if you need to chat sending you a big hug be happy you've still got your health and you can overcome this evil disease ! X
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