I don't remember a time when i didn't have self image issues or eating issues. I remember in middle school me and my best friend would go into the bathroom before school and just look at ourselves in the mirror and name things that we didn't like. I use to be able to eat whatever i wanted and i didn't care but my freshman year of high school I was really sick whenever i ate i threw up, i spent half a year going to different doctors before they figured out that it was my gal bladder, and by that time i had so many gal stones the doctors siad that it could have exploded any minute which was what was causing me to throw up. Once i had that taken out i think that's really what triggered my eating disorder. It went from just restricting to making sure i didn't eat anything unhealthy and then i became obsessed. Ans then i started to abuse laxatives i remember i would take so many that i would almost pass out. I stopped drinking soda and eating red meat and i started throwing up to make myself feel better. I would go to the gym almost everyday for as long as i could. I remember i used to try and convince myself the reason i was doing it was because i was trying to make my stomach stop hurting like before i had my gal bladder out but that's wasn't the truth. By junior year i had lost a lot of weight and people started noticing and i think that made me want to do it more. I wanted to be noticed for how skinny i was not because i was the "fat friend". It's been almost three years now and my eating disorder is at its all time worst. I barely eat anything because i'm afraid of gaining weight and when i do eat i throw up, and when i try not to throw up i think about throwing up until the feeling is so overwhelming that i have a panic attack and i have to go throw up. I go through periods of recovery and then i relapse every time. People try to understand but nobody really gets it everybody thinks that i can just stop whenever i want and i can't.