How Long?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by sweetles, Apr 9, 2014.

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  1. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    first a disclaimer: this thread is not geared for the very young, those still in school or residing with parents, siblings and such. this is for those who have long ago officially passed over into that frightening world of "adulthood."

    now with that said, there is a question i wish to ask all who can claim that label...if you were to die/pass on/whatever you choose to call it, just how long would it take for anyone to notice your absence from the world? and most especially, how long would it take, realistically, for someone to find your remains?

    i ask this question not to be morbid, but perhaps provide some small glimmer of hope for the majority who post here. while as a lifelong severe depressive i understand that one can still feel desperately alone in a sea of loved ones, i do recognize that it does indeed make a difference to actually HAVE loved ones. even if they don't understand or accept you, even if you feel ostracized at times, to know that there is at least someone who cares and that for whatever reason your life holds some meaning for another, has to give you Something.

    now i will answer the question for myself. i live alone, well, with my cat. i have no "friends" in day-to-day life, just literally two or three people who all live thousands of miles away who occasionally keep in touch via email or phone call. i have a part-time job as a retail supervisor, so if i were to miss a day of work without calling in, that would be noticed. most likely my boss would leave a voicemail on my cellphone asking where the &*%$ i was, and after a couple of days of missed work i would probably be notified that i was fired and there was no need to ever come in. no one would be worried about me, thinking anything had happened to me, because i don't have any connections to my co-workers so they know almost nothing about me, nor do they care to know. i am just a robot who gets the job done.

    outside of work, perhaps after not responding to a couple of emails or phone calls (which come months apart) my overseas "friends" might wonder what had become of me. that would take at minimum two, two and a half months. as for my remains, in my home, i am a renter so occasionally maintenance people show up just to spiff up this overpriced property. that is more than likely when i would be found...probably after about a month, when some fancy light fixture needed changing or new air filters had come in or something like that. then they'd call the local coroner and that would be that...not even a single person on earth to notify. no next of kin. no partner. no nothing. just a nobody who lived and died without any fanfare.

    all that is to say, if there were anyone in my real life who truly cared about me, who would miss me if i were gone, who would find my body before it rotted, then maybe, just maybe, i would care about living.

    so, what is your answer?
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I am sorry that you feel so alone in the world, sweetles. I am unsure how to answer your question at the end - (in terms of days/hours?) - or ways to suggest how you can experience real life connectedness more? Or an answer to the "Mankind's search for meaning" question?
  3. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    hello urPrecious. I am not concerned about "mankind's search for meaning." my question/concerns are much more practical.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK - then (sorry to be pedantic) which of the other two - or both? I reckon you've done the calculations time-wise for the first, and are probably searching for ideas for more real-life connectedness? It does truly suck, I agree, that we live in a seemingly heartless world where people tend only to care about their own survival - leaving those who are feeling vulnerable already feeling more vulnerable. I reckon that SF does a fair job in trying to redress this imbalance, although it has obvious practical limitations, many find it helps feelings of isolation in understanding the condition of our common humanity :) And the more empowered we're able to become, the more opportunities we'll find - even if that is to just feel better about oneself and one's life. But I get a sinking feeling that I've probably not given a satisfactory answer here.
  5. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    sweetles, I'm going to get to the heart of the matter because what your posts says to me is you are experiencing suffering because you feel like you are alone and un-cared for.

    I think the more helpful practical answer is that you really need to develop some human connections. For some that is church, for me its my band, for others its some other hobby or meetup group.

    I know that it is difficult and there are a million reasons not to take steps in that direction, especially if you suffer from any kind of social anxiety.

    But if there is any interest you have outside of work whatsoever, I hope that you can develop some kind of social connection around that. Sites like, etc. can be helpful online. For instance I know there are animal lovers meetups. Maybe you could volunteer at a car shelter. Or maybe start with a therapist or group therapy of some kind.

    Anyway, I for one am only here typing because I do care. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you find some comfort and relief in this life : )
  6. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    to both who have responded thus far, i do appreciate the obviously kind hearts and sentiments, but please believe me when i state that i did not mean anything "deeper" by my question. this is not a thread intended to be about "me." i am not looking for help, or some way to improve my lot in life. i am accepting, it is what it is at this point. i am just genuinely interested/curious to know for others who frequent this board, just how long would it take for any other human being to either notice their absence or come upon their remains. it may seem like a morbid sort of interest, but it's truly not. for those who have a partner/spouse/child/etc. who would come home to discover their body within a matter of hours, i believe those people can perhaps realize the beauty and good fortune in that, in the fact that no matter how much they may be struggling in this life, they have someone in their life who cares and their loss would deeply effect someone else. it is my wish that such people realize their value which lies right before their very eyes, through answering this odd little question.

    so again, i am not seeking any "help" personally. but thank you anyhow. would either of you wish to answer the question, to perhaps get the thread on topic?
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Ah, well, now I understand properly what it is you are after, speaking personally, my chance came when I needed it when I had the house to myself for most of the day - so in my case it would have been just a few hours.
    I see from your further explanation why you asked, and thank you for reminding me that, yes, I am fortunate to have loved ones. Sorry not to have realised sooner what the question was asking.
  8. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    no one else?
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