How to help a suicidal friend and relative

[SomeGuy77]

I have a friend that considered suicide because of her BF. He smokes weed and plays computer games all day and never spends any time with her. They go on vacations from time to time and he then somehow convinces her that he will change during the the vacation. Recently she was thinking of suicide but her best friend, which is a guy, convinced her not to do it. The BF was jealous that she spends a lot of time talking to her friend, so he convinced her to not talk to him. I myself, a male, spent a lot of time with her long ago, only friendship. But nowadays we only talk from time to time. I would appreciate any advice as to what I should say to her about her BF, if anything at all. Should I advice her to end her relationship with her BF? Or is that meddling, or possibly making things worse?

I also have a suicidal relative, who is young. He went to a suicide prevention hospital. I helped him out by playing computer games with him to take his mind off of it. But after a couple of months he just wanted to play every day, and was rude to me and yelled at me sometimes. So I started avoiding playing with him, but once a week or so I invited him to play and talk. But since I started avoiding playing with him he now doesn't want to play nor talk anymore, so I don't know what to do. Should I let him be or should I continue send messages and invite him to play?

I appreciate any advice, thanks.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Hey @SomeGuy77 ,
those are tough situations!
I don't Like it when someone comes to me and says- Do X, Y & Z then you’ll feel better. Acknowledge they are at risk for self harm. offer a listening ear, support. if during your talks & she complains of bf, ask why she still with him.

it’s nice to support family. But if he’s unkind, it’s hard to keep trying. Perhaps you can check in with him less often. Remind him if he gets in a poor mental state you will try to help.
people can Become mad with you because your advise was “bad.” Everyone is different, do what you think is helpful.

 

[SamB]

Probably you shouldn’t say anything bad about the bf, better to just try and increase her self confidence and empower her to leave him herself.

I think you should continue, he might ignore you but the invite at least lets him know he is valued.

 

[SomeGuy77]

Thank you both very much for your advice, greatly appreciated!

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

You’re welcome.

 

[may71]

Is your friend seeing a therapist? If she isn't, it might be better to try to convince her to see one rather than specifically leaving the bf. If she's very unhappy but won't leave him, there's probably some reason for that, and it may not be as simple as just telling her to leave.

Is he abusing her at all? I think in principle a domestic violence/domestic abuse counselor might be able to help her, even if she's not being abused, simply because the issues are similar. He's separating her from sources of support, and the relationship is putting her life at risk.

How to handle the young relative is tricky. On the one hand you want to support him, but you also don't want to tolerate being treated rudely or yelled at.

I guess the ideal thing would be to try to work things out and set some rules for his conduct that he can stick to, but I'm not sure how you could best go about that. I guess in principle you could talk to him about this, or maybe get some advice from a therapist. I'm sorry I don't have better advice than that.

 

[FrenchHorn]

For your friend, support her and let her decide about the relationship. Just being there for her might be the best move. For your relative, keep reaching out but don't feel bad if he doesn't respond. Balance your support with setting boundaries.

 

[SomeGuy77]

Is your friend seeing a therapist? If she isn't, it might be better to try to convince her to see one rather than specifically leaving the bf. If she's very unhappy but won't leave him, there's probably some reason for that, and it may not be as simple as just telling her to leave.

Is he abusing her at all? I think in principle a domestic violence/domestic abuse counselor might be able to help her, even if she's not being abused, simply because the issues are similar. He's separating her from sources of support, and the relationship is putting her life at risk.

How to handle the young relative is tricky. On the one hand you want to support him, but you also don't want to tolerate being treated rudely or yelled at.

I guess the ideal thing would be to try to work things out and set some rules for his conduct that he can stick to, but I'm not sure how you could best go about that. I guess in principle you could talk to him about this, or maybe get some advice from a therapist. I'm sorry I don't have better advice than that.

Thank you! I'll talk to her about seeing a therapist. I think her biggest hindrance is that she's not good at decisions. She leaves things to be worked out by themselves.

 

[SomeGuy77]

For your friend, support her and let her decide about the relationship. Just being there for her might be the best move. For your relative, keep reaching out but don't feel bad if he doesn't respond. Balance your support with setting boundaries.

Thank you! I did keep trying to reach out, and he's slowly getting more talkative. And sorry to you both for the late response, I haven't been here for a while.