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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
HURTING, HATING, ALONE FOREVER
- Thread starter dying_inside
- Start date
Thank you for your support. it was a long time i didnt feel like this...
it all started with a bad fight with mom&dad that lasted about a month. i was so damn angry at them! it felt like i couldnt breathe. now its gone but it was bad and the start of other bad things...
i spent a lot of money for a certificate that i already had. so it was money and time (months) wasted like that.
i had a fight with my sweet psychologist and have seen her 3 times from the beginning of 2024. right today she agreed on getting another appt to maybe get things smoother between us.
my therapist is starting to not be there for me as he used to. i can feel the difference and its hurting me. another thing to talk about with him...
i decided to get an air conditioner but it costs me 3 times what i had planned. i am without money now and luckily i can count on my parents to pay for the flat mortgage payment, but its not a solution, im constantly out of money because i have a shitty part time job.
the week off i had planned and asked for April at work was rejected. i'll have to wait until May to have a few days off.
in those days off in May i have a lot to do. the technician will come at my flat to fix the air conditioner, i'll have to go at the bank because i was swindled by unknown people (and have gone to the police about it), i'll have to go at the disability hiring place to get a new job cause i cant stand mine anymore, and i'll have to go to another place to see if they can help me getting a new job.
in the meantime the weather has decided to make me suffer earlier this year, getting up to 30 °C in the middle of April. i hate Summer!
i have tried with all myself to lose weight... for a month i have been waking up at 5.30 am to exercise, then 30 mins walk with a weighted gilet to go to work, then all the way back with the gilet and then again 1,5 hours of exercising again with eating barely 500cals a day. in a month i have not lost a little bit, actually i have GAINED 0,2 kgs. i was desperate and now im gonna see a dietitian because i cant stand myself as i am so fat, but she will only see me at the end of May because she is full of people in queue.
one day i was so out of myself with rage that i ended up in hospital at the ER and was then put IP for a week or so. full of RAGE.
i had to renew the driver license but they found something wrong with the meds im taking (that actually i took only one time at the hospital) and im still waiting to see if they will give me the renewal or not. what am i gonna do without my license?
my neighbor snores so loud that i can hear him over the wall. i cant even sleep at night in my own home in peace because there's this neighbor that snores so much and walls are so thin i can hear anything from them.
then (and this is my fault) i probably got a fine because i was driving too fast. im still waiting the fine in my mailbox and it will be another huge bump for my financial issues. BIG MONEY ISSUES.
a person i know, unwillingly hit my car and we solved it, quickly but i got scared.
lastly, i was cheated by some guys who entered in my house without my full permission and they got to make me sign (as if i was drugged) some papers about the electric supplying. i got to undo it a few days after, but having them come in my house and make me sign something against my own will was destabilizing and i felt violated and it could have gone a LOT worse. they could have robbed me, raped me or killed me. just because i was so stupid to open the door before checking who was ringing the bell. got lucky but, man, was it bad!
i cant think of much else, but there are surely other things to complain about that made this year one of the worst of my life (against my will - because when i was suicidal sometimes i welcomed bad things to prove i had to kill myself but this year i instead just wanted to LIVE and not think about suicide... for just 1 year... since its been 4 years in a row that i have attempted in summer... i just wanted 1 year break and instead things are all against me).
today i fainted because of all the stress.
im sick and tired of all this. i need a break but i wont have it
please tell me its gonna be ok...
thank you for reading
PS. oh yeah... my toilet got broken and im living with it broken and having to open the central water when using it or water, and having to close it when not. this is not life...
and im still and always alone without friends or boyfriends...
it all started with a bad fight with mom&dad that lasted about a month. i was so damn angry at them! it felt like i couldnt breathe. now its gone but it was bad and the start of other bad things...
i spent a lot of money for a certificate that i already had. so it was money and time (months) wasted like that.
i had a fight with my sweet psychologist and have seen her 3 times from the beginning of 2024. right today she agreed on getting another appt to maybe get things smoother between us.
my therapist is starting to not be there for me as he used to. i can feel the difference and its hurting me. another thing to talk about with him...
i decided to get an air conditioner but it costs me 3 times what i had planned. i am without money now and luckily i can count on my parents to pay for the flat mortgage payment, but its not a solution, im constantly out of money because i have a shitty part time job.
the week off i had planned and asked for April at work was rejected. i'll have to wait until May to have a few days off.
in those days off in May i have a lot to do. the technician will come at my flat to fix the air conditioner, i'll have to go at the bank because i was swindled by unknown people (and have gone to the police about it), i'll have to go at the disability hiring place to get a new job cause i cant stand mine anymore, and i'll have to go to another place to see if they can help me getting a new job.
in the meantime the weather has decided to make me suffer earlier this year, getting up to 30 °C in the middle of April. i hate Summer!
i have tried with all myself to lose weight... for a month i have been waking up at 5.30 am to exercise, then 30 mins walk with a weighted gilet to go to work, then all the way back with the gilet and then again 1,5 hours of exercising again with eating barely 500cals a day. in a month i have not lost a little bit, actually i have GAINED 0,2 kgs. i was desperate and now im gonna see a dietitian because i cant stand myself as i am so fat, but she will only see me at the end of May because she is full of people in queue.
one day i was so out of myself with rage that i ended up in hospital at the ER and was then put IP for a week or so. full of RAGE.
i had to renew the driver license but they found something wrong with the meds im taking (that actually i took only one time at the hospital) and im still waiting to see if they will give me the renewal or not. what am i gonna do without my license?
my neighbor snores so loud that i can hear him over the wall. i cant even sleep at night in my own home in peace because there's this neighbor that snores so much and walls are so thin i can hear anything from them.
then (and this is my fault) i probably got a fine because i was driving too fast. im still waiting the fine in my mailbox and it will be another huge bump for my financial issues. BIG MONEY ISSUES.
a person i know, unwillingly hit my car and we solved it, quickly but i got scared.
lastly, i was cheated by some guys who entered in my house without my full permission and they got to make me sign (as if i was drugged) some papers about the electric supplying. i got to undo it a few days after, but having them come in my house and make me sign something against my own will was destabilizing and i felt violated and it could have gone a LOT worse. they could have robbed me, raped me or killed me. just because i was so stupid to open the door before checking who was ringing the bell. got lucky but, man, was it bad!
i cant think of much else, but there are surely other things to complain about that made this year one of the worst of my life (against my will - because when i was suicidal sometimes i welcomed bad things to prove i had to kill myself but this year i instead just wanted to LIVE and not think about suicide... for just 1 year... since its been 4 years in a row that i have attempted in summer... i just wanted 1 year break and instead things are all against me).
today i fainted because of all the stress.
im sick and tired of all this. i need a break but i wont have it
please tell me its gonna be ok...
thank you for reading
PS. oh yeah... my toilet got broken and im living with it broken and having to open the central water when using it or water, and having to close it when not. this is not life...
and im still and always alone without friends or boyfriends...
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Sorry about how you are feeling. I see you have a lot of things to deal with. I know all these things, even like something broken in the household you need to fix, can really destabilise a person if they come one on top of the other. 😔 Wishing you the strenght to go through it, deal with one thing at a time if possible. Things are more difficult when one has to deal with them alone, without friends or a partner who can help/support.😔 Hope your situation gets better.
Ive had a wild laugh. My issues started around 12 or 13. At 17 the military then muay thai and kyokushin for 5 years just to hurt people. What i found is our system doesnt care...most people dont care...
Accept this...and then let it go...it just is.
Let the hate go. It is a poison in your system and you cant hurt others enough to win.
100k new bastards are born every day.
Accept this...and then let it go...it just is.
Let the hate go. It is a poison in your system and you cant hurt others enough to win.
100k new bastards are born every day.
Thank you for your support. it was a long time i didnt feel like this...
it all started with a bad fight with mom&dad that lasted about a month. i was so damn angry at them! it felt like i couldnt breathe. now its gone but it was bad and the start of other bad things...
i spent a lot of money for a certificate that i already had. so it was money and time (months) wasted like that.
i had a fight with my sweet psychologist and have seen her 3 times from the beginning of 2024. right today she agreed on getting another appt to maybe get things smoother between us.
my therapist is starting to not be there for me as he used to. i can feel the difference and its hurting me. another thing to talk about with him...
i decided to get an air conditioner but it costs me 3 times what i had planned. i am without money now and luckily i can count on my parents to pay for the flat mortgage payment, but its not a solution, im constantly out of money because i have a shitty part time job.
the week off i had planned and asked for April at work was rejected. i'll have to wait until May to have a few days off.
in those days off in May i have a lot to do. the technician will come at my flat to fix the air conditioner, i'll have to go at the bank because i was swindled by unknown people (and have gone to the police about it), i'll have to go at the disability hiring place to get a new job cause i cant stand mine anymore, and i'll have to go to another place to see if they can help me getting a new job.
in the meantime the weather has decided to make me suffer earlier this year, getting up to 30 °C in the middle of April. i hate Summer!
i have tried with all myself to lose weight... for a month i have been waking up at 5.30 am to exercise, then 30 mins walk with a weighted gilet to go to work, then all the way back with the gilet and then again 1,5 hours of exercising again with eating barely 500cals a day. in a month i have not lost a little bit, actually i have GAINED 0,2 kgs. i was desperate and now im gonna see a dietitian because i cant stand myself as i am so fat, but she will only see me at the end of May because she is full of people in queue.
one day i was so out of myself with rage that i ended up in hospital at the ER and was then put IP for a week or so. full of RAGE.
i had to renew the driver license but they found something wrong with the meds im taking (that actually i took only one time at the hospital) and im still waiting to see if they will give me the renewal or not. what am i gonna do without my license?
my neighbor snores so loud that i can hear him over the wall. i cant even sleep at night in my own home in peace because there's this neighbor that snores so much and walls are so thin i can hear anything from them.
then (and this is my fault) i probably got a fine because i was driving too fast. im still waiting the fine in my mailbox and it will be another huge bump for my financial issues. BIG MONEY ISSUES.
a person i know, unwillingly hit my car and we solved it, quickly but i got scared.
lastly, i was cheated by some guys who entered in my house without my full permission and they got to make me sign (as if i was drugged) some papers about the electric supplying. i got to undo it a few days after, but having them come in my house and make me sign something against my own will was destabilizing and i felt violated and it could have gone a LOT worse. they could have robbed me, raped me or killed me. just because i was so stupid to open the door before checking who was ringing the bell. got lucky but, man, was it bad!
i cant think of much else, but there are surely other things to complain about that made this year one of the worst of my life (against my will - because when i was suicidal sometimes i welcomed bad things to prove i had to kill myself but this year i instead just wanted to LIVE and not think about suicide... for just 1 year... since its been 4 years in a row that i have attempted in summer... i just wanted 1 year break and instead things are all against me).
today i fainted because of all the stress.
im sick and tired of all this. i need a break but i wont have it
please tell me its gonna be ok...
thank you for reading
PS. oh yeah... my toilet got broken and im living with it broken and having to open the central water when using it or water, and having to close it when not. this is not life...
and im still and always alone without friends or boyfriends...
it all started with a bad fight with mom&dad that lasted about a month. i was so damn angry at them! it felt like i couldnt breathe. now its gone but it was bad and the start of other bad things...
i spent a lot of money for a certificate that i already had. so it was money and time (months) wasted like that.
i had a fight with my sweet psychologist and have seen her 3 times from the beginning of 2024. right today she agreed on getting another appt to maybe get things smoother between us.
my therapist is starting to not be there for me as he used to. i can feel the difference and its hurting me. another thing to talk about with him...
i decided to get an air conditioner but it costs me 3 times what i had planned. i am without money now and luckily i can count on my parents to pay for the flat mortgage payment, but its not a solution, im constantly out of money because i have a shitty part time job.
the week off i had planned and asked for April at work was rejected. i'll have to wait until May to have a few days off.
in those days off in May i have a lot to do. the technician will come at my flat to fix the air conditioner, i'll have to go at the bank because i was swindled by unknown people (and have gone to the police about it), i'll have to go at the disability hiring place to get a new job cause i cant stand mine anymore, and i'll have to go to another place to see if they can help me getting a new job.
in the meantime the weather has decided to make me suffer earlier this year, getting up to 30 °C in the middle of April. i hate Summer!
i have tried with all myself to lose weight... for a month i have been waking up at 5.30 am to exercise, then 30 mins walk with a weighted gilet to go to work, then all the way back with the gilet and then again 1,5 hours of exercising again with eating barely 500cals a day. in a month i have not lost a little bit, actually i have GAINED 0,2 kgs. i was desperate and now im gonna see a dietitian because i cant stand myself as i am so fat, but she will only see me at the end of May because she is full of people in queue.
one day i was so out of myself with rage that i ended up in hospital at the ER and was then put IP for a week or so. full of RAGE.
i had to renew the driver license but they found something wrong with the meds im taking (that actually i took only one time at the hospital) and im still waiting to see if they will give me the renewal or not. what am i gonna do without my license?
my neighbor snores so loud that i can hear him over the wall. i cant even sleep at night in my own home in peace because there's this neighbor that snores so much and walls are so thin i can hear anything from them.
then (and this is my fault) i probably got a fine because i was driving too fast. im still waiting the fine in my mailbox and it will be another huge bump for my financial issues. BIG MONEY ISSUES.
a person i know, unwillingly hit my car and we solved it, quickly but i got scared.
lastly, i was cheated by some guys who entered in my house without my full permission and they got to make me sign (as if i was drugged) some papers about the electric supplying. i got to undo it a few days after, but having them come in my house and make me sign something against my own will was destabilizing and i felt violated and it could have gone a LOT worse. they could have robbed me, raped me or killed me. just because i was so stupid to open the door before checking who was ringing the bell. got lucky but, man, was it bad!
i cant think of much else, but there are surely other things to complain about that made this year one of the worst of my life (against my will - because when i was suicidal sometimes i welcomed bad things to prove i had to kill myself but this year i instead just wanted to LIVE and not think about suicide... for just 1 year... since its been 4 years in a row that i have attempted in summer... i just wanted 1 year break and instead things are all against me).
today i fainted because of all the stress.
im sick and tired of all this. i need a break but i wont have it
please tell me its gonna be ok...
thank you for reading
PS. oh yeah... my toilet got broken and im living with it broken and having to open the central water when using it or water, and having to close it when not. this is not life...
and im still and always alone without friends or boyfriends...
Im holding on and surviving because i had promised not to attempt anymore but its HARD.
On May 6th im going to know for how long i wont have my driver license. Im afraid it will be for a whole year before i can try again.
i hate myself for stating i take meds in first place, and i hate my psychiatrist who wrote that i took that med only once. and i hate my psychologist for not answering me.
actually i hate everything and everyone. im so sick and tired of it all. i wish there were a way out besides THAT one.
On May 6th im going to know for how long i wont have my driver license. Im afraid it will be for a whole year before i can try again.
i hate myself for stating i take meds in first place, and i hate my psychiatrist who wrote that i took that med only once. and i hate my psychologist for not answering me.
actually i hate everything and everyone. im so sick and tired of it all. i wish there were a way out besides THAT one.
Im holding on and surviving because i had promised not to attempt anymore but its HARD.
On May 6th im going to know for how long i wont have my driver license. Im afraid it will be for a whole year before i can try again.
i hate myself for stating i take meds in first place, and i hate my psychiatrist who wrote that i took that med only once. and i hate my psychologist for not answering me.
actually i hate everything and everyone. im so sick and tired of it all. i wish there were a way out besides THAT one.
On May 6th im going to know for how long i wont have my driver license. Im afraid it will be for a whole year before i can try again.
i hate myself for stating i take meds in first place, and i hate my psychiatrist who wrote that i took that med only once. and i hate my psychologist for not answering me.
actually i hate everything and everyone. im so sick and tired of it all. i wish there were a way out besides THAT one.
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Thank you for your support, @MisterBGone .
Im depressed but not giving up yet.
And maybe you are right about the good intentions of my psychiatrist... I had not thought about It!
Thank you and all the best
Im depressed but not giving up yet.
And maybe you are right about the good intentions of my psychiatrist... I had not thought about It!
Thank you and all the best