I’m tired

[Killamotion5]

I’ll try to be brief. I’m 20 years old and have been in therapy since I was in elementary. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life. I am also paranoid all the time that everyone is out to get me. I’ve been in a mental facility once. I can’t connect with anyone intimately. I can’t function sexually with any partner I’ve been with. I am a loser with no direction in life. I’m too lazy to do anything about it and don’t care enough about my own future because I hate myself. I go to the gym almost everyday, eat clean, and have competed in bodybuilding shows so I look like I have it together, but people have no idea. And when someone gets to know me enough to understand how fucked up I am they leave. I’m just looking for input

 

[iloverachel]

Hello and welcome to this forum my friend
I am sorry to hear you have suffered depression and anxiety your whole life, that is very horrible to deal with for a very long time.
I don't think you are lazy, as you said you eat clean and go to the gym daily and compete in bodybuilding shows which are all very difficult to do especially with mental health conditions.
I hope you find a way to feel better soon. Please feel free to tell us more about yourself.

Also, 20 years old is still very young and you have plenty of time to turn things around. Please don't give up and stay safe

 

[nicktheundoer]

I’ll try to be brief. I’m 20 years old and have been in therapy since I was in elementary. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life. I am also paranoid all the time that everyone is out to get me. I’ve been in a mental facility once. I can’t connect with anyone intimately. I can’t function sexually with any partner I’ve been with. I am a loser with no direction in life. I’m too lazy to do anything about it and don’t care enough about my own future because I hate myself. I go to the gym almost everyday, eat clean, and have competed in bodybuilding shows so I look like I have it together, but people have no idea. And when someone gets to know me enough to understand how fucked up I am they leave. I’m just looking for input

We won't ever leave you..so sorry for what you've been through..hugs..we're going through somewhat same situation as you..please feel free to share..people would listen here..hugs..God loves you..praying for your success..

 

[LynxStars]

I’ll try to be brief. I’m 20 years old and have been in therapy since I was in elementary. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life. I am also paranoid all the time that everyone is out to get me. I’ve been in a mental facility once. I can’t connect with anyone intimately. I can’t function sexually with any partner I’ve been with. I am a loser with no direction in life. I’m too lazy to do anything about it and don’t care enough about my own future because I hate myself. I go to the gym almost everyday, eat clean, and have competed in bodybuilding shows so I look like I have it together, but people have no idea. And when someone gets to know me enough to understand how fucked up I am they leave. I’m just looking for input

I totally feel you there, buddy. I mean it. I have depression since high school, and I just don't trust anyone in my life. They all said they will be here with me to deal with my problems; but eventually, they just leave or get use to my negative thoughts and neglect me. My lover wants sex all the time, but I just cannot. He literally left me alone because of this this morning (and today was suppose to be our holiday togerther) and went out on his own. I also go to the gym everyday, and this makes me tired as well. Because I can no longer find peace or relax during sports, but stress. I cannot give you any advice, but I just wanna give you a hug since we are so alike. I don't have any solution for our problems to be honest, but let just type here and vent our sadness. I am sure it does help. Again, virtual hug from here.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this Killamotion5

I am a loser with no direction in life

It sounds to me like you've just been dealt a rough set of cards. Please be gentle with yourself.

I’m too lazy to do anything about it

I could try to suggest some relatively easy treatment methods if you'd like, but it's ok if you're not interested.

 

[Killamotion5]

I’ve tried whatever meds they suggested and it either doesn’t work or the side effects are too much for me. Im young and I can’t see myself living like this, in my own head, for much longer. Thank you all for your support and taking the time to read my post.

 

[may71]

Thank you all for your support and taking the time to read my post.

You're welcome!

I’ve tried whatever meds they suggested and it either doesn’t work or the side effects are too much for me.

There's more treatment methods than just meds though.

I'm like a broken record telling people about traditional Chinese medicine and self-treatment methods. There's some info in these links:

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous

Dietary changes were enormously helpful in reducing my social anxiety. I know you said you have a clean diet, but traditional Chinese ideas about diet are different from Western ones. So for example in traditional Chinese dietary therapy anything served raw or cold is avoided, whereas in the Western view a raw salad served cold would be considered good.

 

[KM76710]

I’ve tried whatever meds they suggested and it either doesn’t work or the side effects are too much for me. Im young and I can’t see myself living like this, in my own head, for much longer. Thank you all for your support and taking the time to read my post.

Sad to hear how you are feeling and what you have been going through, but glad that you are here and seeing that you are on a forum with a caring group that do and want to help you with support in any way we can. This is a good place knowing that others will read.

 

[spiderplant]

Sounds like you have a right to be tired since you've been in therapy since elementary schoo.
Also sounds like you have a good amount of discipline to go to the gym regularly. I have no great insights other than hanging in there sometimes works, sometimes solutions are just around the corner.