i actually feel like crying

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by morning rush, Feb 28, 2014.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    that hasn't happened in a long time...but right now, I can feel my eyes watering and my vision blur. So many negative thoughts are emerging in my head too...

    I got a hair cut and I like it but I tried to take pics and I just feel so ugly. I am ugly and fat, my skin is ugly, my eyes are ugly...idk...

    I just want to crawl somewhere and die...

    why do I feel like that? I mean what the hell? everytime I try to come out of my phobias, like socializing, I get depressed.

    I've recently re-connected with my step sister and so we've been socializing and I noticed after she leaves, I get depressed, not because she left, but more like I've socialized, it reminds me of when I had this huge break down, and that I would feel pain inside, I feel that and feel like crying...I don't want to go back to that...that was pure torture...I'd rather die...

    maybe I should cut, it would make me feel a whole lot better...
  2. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    I'm probably worse, I have been bullied, even by my own mom, don't know what friends are, or what love is. I am expected to endure and finish better than how I started, so there is that pressure, to man up to my pain, my severe depression, anxiety, physical conditions, and to feeling just bad. I am expected to not give one excuse. I am expected to love my parents even thou all they gave me was troubles, to be productive, shut up, show a normal face, and continue. And blah I don't feel like writing anything else.
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel that way...I know what it's like to be bullied and abused, my father was abusive so I totally understand that. Life is hard but you should live it for you and not your parents. they aren't certainly living their lives for you...It's hard to cut ties, I'm still in touch with my dad but really to the minimum because he's very toxic. I left home when I was 15...I'm 31 now but I feel so old...

    you don't have to listen to others' expectations...no one is in your shoes but you. And you deserve just as much attention and goodness as anyone else...
  4. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    Well there you go, maybe you feel better now, shared your experience and said nice things to me, thanks. When someone is sort of needy, like us I guess, one tends to long for family support because we feel that it should be the least judgmental group of people we should relate to and ask help from, but sometimes its not there right? One feels kind of betrayed by circumstances. I feel the expectations are already built into society thou, which is understandable, it just hurts very much when you cannot meet them even thou they seem for the best.
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I do feel a bit better, but not much. Still down. But I'm going to try and go to bed, listen to some music...I should feel better when I wake up...

    I think that when you're young society's expectations influences us more than when we are 40...or at least now that I'm 31, I see a big difference between the 21 me and the 31 me...I don't care so much as what people think of me or society thinks...

    as a teen I wouldn't have been caught dead with a scarf and hat in winter, now I put so many layers I look like a yeti :) and I really don't care as long as I'm warm...

    you know it's nice to talk to someone who understands and thanks for replying to the threads I made...it means a lot to me...and it does make me feel better....so thank you
  6. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Maybe try reading some of your old replies to forum threads, you won't be able to do that without seeing how wonderful you are. Wishing you a better day.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2014
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you are feeling better hun and i hope you did not self harm you only deserve kindness ok hugs
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