I am going to end myself today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pooky, Jan 31, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    <mod edit texaskitty: methods>

    here's why?

    1.I am very lonely - no friend will pick up my phone...(tried to call 3 friends none picked up the phone)

    2.I am getting an opportunity to end myself - my life is full of suffering...after i end myself..i will either go to heaven or for an afterlife(not hell because i have already suffered maximum in my current life..so there is nothing sad for me to experience..i have virtually experienced every grief humanly possible to experience...I wont say what griefs for then u ppl will feel attachment and compassion for me and then i can't end myself.)

    3.My family members r always busy..no time even to look at me....

    4.My gf has left me(she told me that i am a loser,a coward,a freakish human.)I know i am unstable which further motivates me to do it..

    5.I can't go outside and do much socializing(i easily get lost even if i have been to that place 200 times.shame for me).

    6.Ppl have been taking advantage of my good nature.

    7.I have an incurable mental illness...and its getting worse slowly...

    what is the point of living when i cant socialize,have a girl i love... and even can't speak properly in public...

    I am living in the present.Tomorrow i hope that i won't be able to see the sun,hear the birds chirping.Sadly i cant even write to u all tomorrow.

    Either tomorrow i will be dead(resting) or worse in hospital (to suffer more)...

    Now i am going to write my end note..and place it in my bed .Of course i would place something on it..(in case..it flies and gets lost...)

    don't u ppl wish i just do it and eventually have a better life?(even slightly better 1% better is great for me)...

    Thank you all for reading..U ppl r honestly my best frnds...I wish u were there with me ..instead of those ppl surrounding me in real life...U ppl r really good human being(not like me..selfish..always thinking about myself)
    able to think for others,genuinely help others...

    Thanks again...

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2012
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think you are a bad person at all. From your posts on here you seem to be caring and kind and like to help people feel better. I don't think you should hurt yourself...you are a good person. Someone like me should kill myself, but not you. I think you should stick around because things could get better :hug:
  3. BigTomTooToo

    BigTomTooToo Well-Known Member

    I think we all a mental illness. We all suffer. None of us have a truly great life. I embrace death, I see it as a beautiful thing but my only wish is... well I don't want to seem like an evil person. I know must have a greater reason. I haven't accomplished anything in my life. I will in a small village. There's goes the social life.. sorry I couldn't be more ... whatever. but everyone has a different perspective on life. I don't think the rest of the world wants to listen to those of us in pain.

    that wasnt' a method it was from an article..
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2012
  4. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please seek professional help immediately. Go to the nearest hospital and let them help you.

    You matter, your life matters. I know it doesn't seem like it some times but it really does.

    We are here for you.

    We care.
  5. pooky

    pooky Living with A Beautiful Mind...

    Took a nap but things r still looking dark.

    Answer some of my simple Q:

    1.How can i go out n seek pro. help when i get lost in the streets...(to seek help i have 2 go out..i can do that but i get lost even in known places...I have absolutely no one to accompany me...).I haven't visited my doc for 3 yrs and he hasn't provided any contact no

    2.Why should i live when i can't feel simple emotions like love,happiness ...(I cannot feel any emotion at all...everything is flat...i am only able to think)

    3.Why should i be alive when i can't form a meaningful relationship(this is the reason y my gf left me).she used to love me but i wasn't able to feel love 4 her.that's the reason y she left me..

    4.Why must i live when i can't speak properly in front of the public(when speaking in public ,i always think that the person will make fun of me..will yell at me..(n often that actually happens)

    Well,there r ppl living with mental illnesses worse than me in streets..but they can cope with that.They r genetically superior than most...not me..had problems during the time of my birth as a result i am born genetically much inferior to most other ppl.

    Thank you God for making me genetically inferior both mentally and physically(y did i deserve this?)...I am coming to ask u God all these Q.Thanks God 4 cursing me with schizophrenia when i had faith in u.

    I know u ppl r here 4 me.I never denied that.

    I have my dreams and visions..to get a good job,have friends,go to parties with them....to help other ppl...but i just can't do it...

    Oh heavens!I am coming to ask u lots of questions... and u have to answer me truthfully(my prayer)
  6. You can always flag down a cab to take you to the nearest hospital emergency. The drs there will help you. You won't get lost if you took a cab.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.