i am pro invisibility this weekend

[emilykatie101]

I have locked myself away all weekend in my room.
I haven't showered and I have not gotten out of my pjs.
I have been eating ice cream and fast food all weekend long.
It makes me ill too because I have been on a very strict diet the past few years, I usually eat no more than 20 carbs a day.
I feel disgusting. That is the point though, I guess. I dont want anyone to ever see me again. I want to be invisible. If I could have been invisible before I never would have been raped when I was little and as an adult.

 

[emilykatie101]

Never mind. I'm too stupid to learn, I'm too stupid to heal and I'm beyond pathetic and that cant change.

 

[famous.last.words]

hun, you are not stupid or pathetic.

we all devise our different ways of coping and having suffered with EDs most of my life i understand using food to cope.

Do you see anyone about your past? maybe seeing someone would help to teach you different ways of coping with the past.

:hug:

 

[butterflies32]

Heya sweety,

You are a strong person even though you may not feel like it. You are a surviver!!!! That means you are winning. Beating the abuser. Ed's are hard to cope with and yet they are the only way to cope with the huge amount of hurt inside. Would it help to talk??? That is prob a stupid question but we (I) are all here supporting you. If you want to chat then I am here to listen.

find someone to talk to. It is the hardest thing to do the shame of someone knowing and yet at the same time it brings relief knowing that it is not just your secret and that someone else knows. Well this is what I found and although I still blame myself and hate myself and see no point in life knowing that someone is there at the end of the phone willing to pick me up when I fall helps.

I am not saying tell someone becaause there is many people out there who suffer in silence for the whole of there lives because they are scared.

Keep going and remember it is ok to hide away just do not do it for to long.

take care

Sam.

xx

 

[emilykatie101]

I do have disordered eating issues. I ate another hamburger for dinner last night and it made my stomach so upset because I'm not used to eating that way. I got very sick last night.
I do talk to a counselor, she is great and helps. But she is all I have
and I dont have any friends that I can talk to about my problems and my family doesn't know anything. I cant bother my minister anymore.
I just want a new brain and a new soul, untouched with no bad memories attached.

 

[butterflies32]

Heya

Sweety we all want that but talking about it helps. It is hard to feel so isolated but I am here if you ever want to talk about anything. If you can't write it in the open feel free to PM me.

Always here.

Take care

Sam
x


p.s. Remember the ED is not your fault.