I am the worst human alive

[justentyme123]

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[justentyme123]

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[LumberJack]

I doubt that you are the worst person alive. There are many contenders for that spot, and I’m thinking that none of them even worry about it, because they think that they are right, or that “might makes right.” Are you responsible for the deaths of thousands of people? Some people alive are. Aren’t you better than that? Do you harm children or animals? That’s about the worst thing you could do in my opinion and there are lots of sick humans who do this and still sleep fine at night. So even though all I know about you is that you posted this thread, you have shown that you care at least a little, and there are some pretty awful, terrible people out there; I really doubt you are one of them or you would be out causing harm and not posting here. Just my thoughts.

 

[LumberJack]

That being said, I have often felt that I am the worst person alive, too. What this is in my case is toxic shame. Since I was shamed relentlessly as a kid, I now talk to myself that way.

our nervous system is a complex thing that wants to maintain homeostasis. If I am aggravated for too long on end, then my nervous system uses shame as an emergency brake to try and regulate back down.
Unfortunately, this is extremely uncomfortable. I am learning not to automatically believe those feelings of shame. Instead I ask where this is coming from. Whose voice is it? If I haven’t done anything wrong in the immediate past, then the shame is from somewhere else.

 

[Windhover]

@LumberJack said very well what I was going to try to get across. Shame is a feeling, but also a system of thought connections which happen so quickly that they are almost undetectable. I was ridiculed and laughed at in my family of origin, and this mangled my sense of who I am. You might know what I'm saying here.
@justentyme123 I hope you feel welcome here