I cannot leave the house without excrutiating psychological pain and awkwardness. Every time I complain that I fear people are judging me, I get even more hurt by responses like "they won't even notice" meaning they're more abstracted than I am.
I used to love going outdoors so much but now it has been ruined with shame and distress. The shame of preferring that over video games (gender dysphoria).
It's like every time I go outside I feel the urge to follow these rules, otherwise I feel like crying.
Do: be polite, wait your turn, be able to reason with, sit in a neurodivergent or "male" way, think before acting
Do not: barge past people, express emotion esp negative, buy stuff you do not need
On paper these rules sound silly, but whenever it actually happens it really does fucking hurt.
I can't stand seeing gen z (all kinds of them, not just white males) in public dressed in a way more rough, independent, athletic, quick witted, apathetic and or hyperindividualistic way that puts me to shame
I have internalised traits such as disconnection from the present moment, rationalising emotions, having a chill unaffected demeanor, and having less emotional affect (e.g. laughing loud or having rage is acceptable, but I get extreme dysphoria over crying loud, or frowning in environments when others aren't even though they are in as much annoyance as I am) as extremely important to my self-worth. Being too much the opposite of that crushes my happiness.
I am very jealous of the way more people interpret reality, so much it feels traumatising. I wish I could think of reality as computer generated but I just can't.
More people think love is stupid, so i feel not just gender dysphoric/very tr1gg3r3d but also dumb by being told to get a partner.
I am becoming more and more associated everything I do not want to be- Female Indian Fat Poor hygiene Unable to regulate emotions Attention-seeking Maternal Archaic
+ the rise in asexuality, unemployment, neurodivergence and decrease in religion, birth in gen z, and the fact younger generations communicate so unintelligibly to elders, it makes me very sad how I am more and more the opposite of how I wish I were with age
I wish weed calmed me down, not made my distress worse.
I wish I info dumped, not trauma dumped.
I wish I could stay calm in the most dire of situations.
I wish I craved knowledge, pleasure, power, peace etc over love. Anything but love. I wih love wasnt my most significant need.
My own cognition and behaviour, my vibes as a whole, give me unbearable feelings of dysphoria, like this is not the person i wish i were or wanted to be
I get very dysphoric over being attention seeking or unable to regulate emotions or too much of a sensor but i cant help but be that way, the more other ppl in general are the opposite the more miserable i am
I used to love going outdoors so much but now it has been ruined with shame and distress. The shame of preferring that over video games (gender dysphoria).
It's like every time I go outside I feel the urge to follow these rules, otherwise I feel like crying.
Do: be polite, wait your turn, be able to reason with, sit in a neurodivergent or "male" way, think before acting
Do not: barge past people, express emotion esp negative, buy stuff you do not need
On paper these rules sound silly, but whenever it actually happens it really does fucking hurt.
I can't stand seeing gen z (all kinds of them, not just white males) in public dressed in a way more rough, independent, athletic, quick witted, apathetic and or hyperindividualistic way that puts me to shame
I have internalised traits such as disconnection from the present moment, rationalising emotions, having a chill unaffected demeanor, and having less emotional affect (e.g. laughing loud or having rage is acceptable, but I get extreme dysphoria over crying loud, or frowning in environments when others aren't even though they are in as much annoyance as I am) as extremely important to my self-worth. Being too much the opposite of that crushes my happiness.
I am very jealous of the way more people interpret reality, so much it feels traumatising. I wish I could think of reality as computer generated but I just can't.
More people think love is stupid, so i feel not just gender dysphoric/very tr1gg3r3d but also dumb by being told to get a partner.
I am becoming more and more associated everything I do not want to be- Female Indian Fat Poor hygiene Unable to regulate emotions Attention-seeking Maternal Archaic
+ the rise in asexuality, unemployment, neurodivergence and decrease in religion, birth in gen z, and the fact younger generations communicate so unintelligibly to elders, it makes me very sad how I am more and more the opposite of how I wish I were with age
I wish weed calmed me down, not made my distress worse.
I wish I info dumped, not trauma dumped.
I wish I could stay calm in the most dire of situations.
I wish I craved knowledge, pleasure, power, peace etc over love. Anything but love. I wih love wasnt my most significant need.
My own cognition and behaviour, my vibes as a whole, give me unbearable feelings of dysphoria, like this is not the person i wish i were or wanted to be
I get very dysphoric over being attention seeking or unable to regulate emotions or too much of a sensor but i cant help but be that way, the more other ppl in general are the opposite the more miserable i am
