I believe im suiciding soon...

[PatrickMehl]

Im tired of being ignored in school, im tired of having no friends at all!
Im tired of everything in my life!
My dreams were crushed!
I lost the people i like/loved!
One of my family members are possibly dieing!
And my school status is messed up!

I believe im suiciding whenever i have the chance...
I wont do it in public,
then finally i can go to a good place... Yes i am very christian, not over-christian but just christian, finally i can go to the place were every dream can come true... I wanna get away from it all so badly... but i dont wanna hurt my family...


Sorry for my poor english...

 

[Tam]

That's a hell of a lot of bad stuff you're going through there. It all seems so overwhelming. Do you think you could talk about each one separately - that way it might not seem so black and impossible and you'll get a bit of a sense of being more in control?

Talk to me, tell me what's been going on.

Tam

 

[PatrickMehl]

.. first of all i just changed school, on my earlier school well... i got ignored all the time, i experienced alot of bad stuff in the earlier grates... and well wen i talk to people they dont respond... wen i walk around in the class, asking the teacher for something, having my hand in the air for a responce to homework or something.... they just dont pick me, its like im completely invisible, i am a very quiet person, i dont use to be that i use to be a bit of a energitic guy but i think that everything that happened through my life have made me silent...

And another thing is... due to im invisible everywhere i go i dont have any friends, only my mom, my dad abandoned me, he never loved me... EVER, so really all i have a relationship to is my mom...
And on my new school, well its the same as my earlier, im completely invisible to people, no one talks to me, no one ever wants to group with me.

and due to my school status is crap... my dream have been crushed totally, because i want to join the armys airforce, flying is just a beauitifull thing.

I recently had a Girlfriend i helped through alot, she whas being sexually abused by her dad... raped over 100 times by her dad, and her two brothers beated her up all the time... even wen i whas talking on the phone with her, but.... suddenly she just left without a word, i havent heard anything from her in months.

And my grandma is another one of the only people who loves me.... she may be dieing.
Doctors think she haves cancer in her guts they are not sure they are running tests and stuff.

And what i really use to comfort myself is to sit on my room with closed door playing some video games, listening to music or stuff like that...

 

[Tam]

I can relate (boy can I) to feeling invisible. I've even had experiences where I've been in the middle of saying something and someone else just talks right over me about something totally unrelated, and no-one even noticed (except me!) I know what it must feel like, say when you want to ask a question or even as you say, put up your hand, but no-one notices. Sometimes it feels deliberate!

But I solved that one in classes, by sitting right up the front and being so in their face that the teacher couldn't NOT notice me! It's the same with people I think - mostly they don't mean to make me feel invisible, but unless you get a bit pushy, they genuinely don't know they're doing it. I guess what I'm saying is that you have to make a lot of effort to talk to people first, to make the first approach, and to KEEP ON approaching even if it feels like they don't want to know you. (Easy to say I know, but once you get into that circle of feeling ignored, which makes you feel less sure of making contact, then you DO get ignored and so on and so forth - the only way out is to break that circle.)

It sounds like what you really need is some friends to talk to, to do things with - so maybe talking to lots of people on here will get you feeling a bit stronger about being able to make contact with people out in the 'real world'.

What do you mean about your school status? Are you not getting the grades you need? Wanting to join the air force sounds like a great idea (hah as if on cue a military plane has just flown overhead here!) It's not too late is it to get the qualifications you need?

What sort of music do you listen to?

Just a thought, maybe your girlfriend thought YOU didn't want to know anymore, maybe she was feeling invisible (you never know for sure do you?) Would it be worth trying to contact her off your own bat, ask her how she's doing? Don't know the full story, but it might be worth a try do you think?

I've got to go now (haven't even gotten up yet) but please say some more. I'll be back later and other people will also be replying.

Tam

 

[Stranger1]

I too am invisible.. All thru school people treated me like dirt.. So I turned to drugs thinking I would be in with the cool crowd.. Well all they did was try to get me into fights all the time because of my size..Now I am older and am an Isolationist because I have augoriphobia, and socialphobia.. The most recent event happened two years ago.. I helped my brother build a huge barn for his horses and when we were done everyone praised him on how nice it was.. They didn't even ackowledge me that I helped..I just walked away..You need to be a little pushy when people start talking over you say excuse me but I am talking here..You should seek the counsel of a therapist to learn to stand up for yourself..

 

[Ordep]

Hey there! Boy, is that alot of stuff to deal with... I congrat you for being able to deal with it for some time. I know well how hard that is. It's a good who reached for help, you really seem to need to talk.

I think you should really put 110% effort into your school work in order to qualify for airforce, that'll be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Nothing in life beats accomplishing your dreams. I'm sure it's not too late if you put your heart, body and soul into it, starting right now.

I'd like to hear more about your girlfriend, did she really "vanish" or she just stopped contacting you, but you know how to find her? If you don't know where she is, and considering her family situation.... you might want to consider talking to the police?

Keep posting my friend, we'll be here for you.

 

[PatrickMehl]

Yeah well i helped her away from her dad i helped her calling the police and stuff, she moved to her grandma and her dad got to jail but payed himself out,
Last time i talked to her whas on MSN, for a short time tho, she said she whas baby sitting so she had to go, since i have not heard from her.
And she dont have a phone... her dad whas an ass he didnt want her to have friends or boyfriends, her dad knew nothing about our relationship.

 

[PatrickMehl]

Trust me, i tried the excuse me, they just keep on talking and sometimes they just begin talking to another person wen im in the middle of saying something to the person.

 

[PatrickMehl]

well i dont really think she left for that reason because last time i talked to her it whas on MSN.
I helped her contacting the police, and she began living with her grandma.
So yeah last time whas on MSN she whas going to babysit someone so she had to go .... then i havent heard a word from her since.