I can think of things

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by random number, Sep 15, 2007.

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  1. random number

    random number New Member

    I couldn't actually finish my actual post, so I say that I live for what I see and not what I give. If your wondering, I'm a computer technician on the side and doing schoool for MCSE at the same time. I have a big bill to work up after school, but I'm actually wondering where that will take me? Through out my jobs, I've mostly been getting along with the higher-ups in my workplace and I'm glad to say that I plan to take over them or their under-overs. I've tricked my way up to the front but wonder if thats enough for anyone to believe. I've made freinds with the higher-ups but what do they think of me later? I've been thinking that for the past couple months thinking of disturbed thoughts because I come from a poor family and It poors me to think that I can't support my blinding father or can't afford my father to see his (my moms) grave to see before his last days. Its really me pouring me thats pulling the family together thats going to me right now. Being Native means alot to my mothers side that my dad likes alot since he was a catholic priest long ago that he would respect the things that my mother gone through in the schools in the past. He quit because a black man wasn't allowed in the church at the time. My father doesn't think to go to god now, so I think to myself, and all I can say is to go for myself and see what happens. I've have pretty good luck so far with myself with all the family troubles. I can't say that I hoped for the best but it came in its own way and I just went on believing in myself since my dad said when I was 16 was "Stop doing it for others, do it for your self." I had severe depression at the time but came over it and took responsibility for everyone else even though they were older than me. Choices were asked by me when I was young because they thought I knew where they could go. I honestly can't say a higher power because they have to see themself. It hurts a bunch to say that because I went through it. I've seen this website after a cousin of mine decided to end himself before he could see what could of been before him. His life was a like like mine and I seen people looking at me after the funeral phoning me and messenging me if I was all right. I told them that I knew that they were thinking and told them that I'm all right and that everythings allright. Is that true your wondering about me posting here? For now, till my 50's hit. I wanna see where my life goes unlike my cousin. I won't post the note knowing som of the rules but it was close to my life. Lonely but not knowing it. I hope this is the last time I have to post something.


    When you decide to end your life, your not actually ending your own life, but the person your staring at the mirror too. That person has a choice too. That person wants to know whats gonna happen next.:smile:
     
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    first off i would like to :welcome: you to the site here. this really is a good place to vent as you feel you need. i am glad you can think of things and see the things your cousin could not. if you feel you need to talk about that further certainly feel free to. i'll let you go for now. please take care.
     
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