I can't take this anymore

[Art123]

I'm 51, recovering from cancer, have multiple mental health problems, and now PIP wants to take my money away after a years benefit.

Yes, my cancer is in remission, but I'm worse than I was in many ways.

I don't have any family, only a couple of friends whom I phone occasionally and am confined to my house due to agoraphobia (for which the diazepam does little).

Who would miss me? I just don't enjoy anything anymore except sleep when I can get it.

 

[brightlight]

Hi Art and welcome
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
You are worth living for, It's not about who would miss you, it's about you being your friend instead of your enemy and living for just you, have you spoken to your friends about how you are feeling, Cancer in remission is a good thing, and you are still young enough to find stuff that does interest you and you can enjoy even within the confines of your home, the internet is a wonderful tool, you could make this site an interest for a while it's a great distraction from your own head at times and helping others and maybe even giving someone a bit of advice if you can relate to their experience. Stick around awhile and you will make a bunch of new friends that will miss you.
Love and Light
P

 

[Petal]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. I was house bound for 5 years, I truly know what that feels like. I would suggest you contact the out and about association (google it) they will have great advice to offer if you e-mail them. I have first had experience and it was this forum that helped me get rid of my agoraphobia, the members pushed me and it worked, now I leave the house nearly every day and love life mostly apart from panic attacks. There IS help out there, but you have to make the effort ad reach for it. I found it really embarrassing (at the time) being housebound but it is just like any illness and nothing to be ashamed of. Did something trigger the agoraphobia? If you ever need advice, drop me a PM, but trust me when I say suicide is NOT the answer. Best wishes.

 

[Lara_C]

Hi @Art123 and welcome to our community. I'm very sorry to hear what you've been going through and how lonely you've become due to the agoraphobia. I just wanted to add that as far as PIP goes, keep fighting for your rights because currently 75% of appeals are successful and it does sound like you have a strong case. If you don't feel confident in dealing with your claim by yourself, most local authorities have welfare rights officers who can handle it for you and represent you at an appeal tribunal hearing. Alternatively, your local Citizens Advice Bureau will have experience in dealing with PIP and should be able to offer you representation. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk

 

[Art123]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Yesterday I had a PIP face-to-face WCA...the woman spent 45 minutes typing into her computer template while asking how I was. I'm not confident about the end decision. She actually asked me why I hadn't killed myself when I talked of suicide ideation. Good question.

I got out a little bit yesterday as I had to visit the chemist then Tesco.

 

[Dawn]

Glad to hear Art! I don't get out much either and we understand here. Because of that, I have a lot of time on my hands. I spend a lot of time here and it helps me a lot. I hope u will stick around too

 

[brightlight]

Here's hoping that the decision is not going to be based on your confidence but on you ticking the right boxes for the computer to say yes, if you don't mind sharing, what did you answer to "why you hadn't "
Love n Light
P

 

[Art123]

What a question, though.

 

[Art123]

In response to that question I questioned its validity to the task at hand. Would the WCA assessor rather I had killed myself?

 

[Lara_C]

What a question, though.

Its inappropriate in the context and should never have been asked. I would complain if I were you.

 

[Art123]

I might - I was sneaky and recorded the whole conversation on my phone which was hidden under a piece of paper I managed to get a home visit.

 

[Art123]

Thanks, everyone for your responses; I'm feeling a little better than when I made the thread - the fact that there are a whole bunch of people here who are very much alive cheers me somewhat.

Presently I'm not doing much - it's how to plan my days which is the problem....I can't concentrate on a book or a film on Netflix (cancelled my subscription as I wasn't using it.

Stuff doesn't make me happy anymore - I've got an expensive Swiss watch which I loved when I got it a couple of years ago; now I just look at it and think "so what?"

 

[Art123]

I'm actually enjoying some music right now, not in the way it used to make me happy, but it's kind of comforting - a Josh Ritter playlist on my Samsung.

 

[Petal]

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better, hope it continues

 

[Lara_C]

I might - I was sneaky and recorded the whole conversation on my phone which was hidden under a piece of paper I managed to get a home visit.

I would if I were you, not just for yourself but for all the other ill and disabled people who might be subjected to such insensitive and disrespectful treatment by so-called health professionals who are not actually qualified to assess the conditions they are dealing with. Unfortunately it is not uncommon, and imo a complete disgrace.

 

[Walker]

Stuff doesn't make me happy anymore - I've got an expensive Swiss watch which I loved when I got it a couple of years ago; now I just look at it and think "so what?"

Just out of curiosity and nosiness.. what did you get? I loves me some nice watches.

 

[Art123]

I'm still here and have kind of a plan.

<Mod Edit: Method>

Killing myself at home, it could take a few months before anyone would find out.

I'd also have a nice meal and a good drink before ending myself.

 

[Dawn]

Hi Art, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please reconsider as u are valuable and your life matters. But I know it is so hard to stay when suffering so much. I have so many medical problems too and no one in my life either and rarely get out of the house. Unless you've been there it's impossible to understand how painfully lonely it is to have no one in your life. Being so alone is just... no words can explain. Especially during the holidays. I spend them alone. This place helps a lot since I have so little human contact. For now it is keeping me here.

I am struggling with what to say here and so genuinely concerned for u. Is there any way we can help?

 

[Dawn]

Please go to ER or call hotline and try to get some help before doing such a final and drastic action. But i also realize that u have thought about this a lot. Have u tried to get different meds or therapy anytime lately? It sure could not hurt to try it again. I know it is hard to get out of the house so therapy would be difficult, but could possibly help quite a bit. And please know that we do care here and will be here for u no matter what u do or what happens.

If u would like to talk please feel free to PM me. I am going through a lot of similar things. I wish so much I could help u in some way @Art123 My heart goes out to u and I have said a little prayer. Just wish so much I could do more.

 

[brightlight]

So a nice meal and a good drink has some appeal for you, could you entertain the idea of doing this once a week or even once a month if it's out of your reach financially, that is a little something to look forward to. Although drinking may not be the best advice I've ever given, despite want you are thinking and feeling you still do care about your future, concerning yourself about what happens to your body shows that. But it's kinda misplaced concern, concern yourself with living, you are capable of making a plan to die, make another one to live, a day at a time a week ahead, a month at a push, put in a good meal and a good drink and savor the experience for a little while afterwards and look forward to the next.
You could get a new interest researching your next meal .