I don't care anymore

[Jonathan R.]

Typical week for me is basically do stuff come home. I don't really care anymore. Why do things to help others or myself? It doesn't make sense, just a no win situation for me. Jon you are too clingy, Jon you aren't clingy enough. Jon you did alot of work, Jon you're lazy. I am close to saying fuck that I just want to get stuff done and live my life. Why do I have to be here to answer everything or do things that others should be doing? I think I have a right to be happy, but hell the highlight of 2 weeks is going to the bank to talk to someone to deposit a check. What is the point of it all? I can't even enjoy the fruit of my labors just doing it to kill time.
Thank you for reading, I am not expecting any response, if you do thank you I will get back to it as soon as I can.

 

[Luoma]

Jon, I'm sorry your life seems stuck in a cycle like that. But I'd like you to tell me a little bit more about your situation. Are you able to do things outside of work to balance out the stress? Not just coming home and lying down, but actually doing productive hobbies or socializing a bit. Does exercise help? Is there anything you are passionate about that you could try improving on?

 

[Jonathan R.]

Jon, I'm sorry your life seems stuck in a cycle like that. But I'd like you to tell me a little bit more about your situation. Are you able to do things outside of work to balance out the stress? Not just coming home and lying down, but actually doing productive hobbies or socializing a bit. Does exercise help? Is there anything you are passionate about that you could try improving on?

Yes there was a time I would do that, but I was still stuck in the same pattern. Just add social event and I essentially did the same thing. My hobbies are solitary things that I learned to do. Exercise helps yet no want to exercise I too am solitary in that world. I don't know why I try anymore. Luoma I don't even understand why this is just an existential concept that I am in crisis about. I am just angry because what do they expect me to do in the end. Maybe I should just come home from work and sleep until I need to wake up and stop talking to people because I end up crossing some sort of boundary or just am hated because I see a different way to do things.

 

[Jonathan R.]

Heck that might improve the quality of life for others if I just slept after work and all bloody weekend. Just sign myself into a hospital and ask to be put in a coma from friday evening to monday morning.

 

[full]

Hey Jon, the sailor, the king, I am sorry you are having a rough time. Wjo are "they" you are referring to and why should their opinions and expactations influence your life in such a negative way?

 

[Jonathan R.]

Just the world at large other people in my life

 

[Sassy Cat]

Hay jon hugs I love seeing you in chat you are so special to all of us or at least to me you are. I always look forward to seeing you and am glad I have you in my life. Please know how wonderful you are. Keep being you jon hugs

 

[Jonathan R.]

Thank you sassy I will get over it just wanted to let it out.

 

[Rebreb]

Sometimes reaching this point of apathy allows us to reset and restart. Once we give up we start rising again. I hope that becomes true for you Jon. You're a welcome face in chat every time.

 

[Luoma]

Yes there was a time I would do that, but I was still stuck in the same pattern. Just add social event and I essentially did the same thing. My hobbies are solitary things that I learned to do. Exercise helps yet no want to exercise I too am solitary in that world. I don't know why I try anymore. Luoma I don't even understand why this is just an existential concept that I am in crisis about. I am just angry because what do they expect me to do in the end. Maybe I should just come home from work and sleep until I need to wake up and stop talking to people because I end up crossing some sort of boundary or just am hated because I see a different way to do things.

Sometimes when we fall into a depression, even the things we love can seem like a chore. I notice that you said exercise does help, yet it's really hard to do it. I can absolutely relate. This might seem impossible, but I want you to try and force yourself to do it. Reward yourself afterwards perhaps with your favourite food or a favourite drink, or anything else that you would want. Or, if you don't have a reward, just do it for yourself. Know that exercise helps cure mental stress at a biological level. You're worth it.

Society likes to dictate a lot of things that we do but it's not always out to get us. There's a bigger population of people who think just like you waiting to meet like-minded folks who are just sick of the everyday grind. The first step to overcoming societal expectations is realizing that they cannot control you and you SHOULD go out and talk to people, you should go out and try new things. It's all about being your own person.