I'm getting from within every reason to give up. Every extrinsic reason, which do the heavylifting, comes with overwhelming reminder of my failure. I'm beginning to lose sight of the true hope I have, and with it, all I'm left with is the mandate to terminate a fundamental failure. In the baking classes I struggle through, a ruined cake is thrown away if it's fundamentally unthorough, and a new one comes into its place. I am the fundamentally unfixable cake.
I'm not promising anything. I'm still here. But I really feel like the filling of my pillar is at last draining out. There's so much reason to die and the reason to live, while I know what it is and even feel so strong and excited about it, is currently inaccessible.
To any tweens or teens or twenty-somethings or individuals who identify as any of these: Seek what makes you scared. Seek what makes you uncomfortable. If you were ever abused and it's killing you inside but you're scared to tell your loved ones or an authority, push through and do it. If you desperately need a break from school, or work, or tae kwon do lessons, even if you can't find the words to justify or explain it, dare to say. Dare to ask.
Unrepress and look within for self-fulfilling activities that you've been untrained from trying. Then try them.
And all this, do while you do indeed have the age you do. I don't agree with the evil choice some adults make to try to wave aging around in your face, passive-aggressively or aggressively, as the determiner of your worth. You decide your age and worth. But if you break through the numbness and the wordlessness and the fear and the embarrassment sooner, every freer moment and every learning and every new seed of life in your soul will allow to enrich yourself and be more and more likely to clean yourself of what soils you and build what embodies you.
You belong. Unlike me. You're alive.
I'm not promising anything. I'm still here. But I really feel like the filling of my pillar is at last draining out. There's so much reason to die and the reason to live, while I know what it is and even feel so strong and excited about it, is currently inaccessible.
To any tweens or teens or twenty-somethings or individuals who identify as any of these: Seek what makes you scared. Seek what makes you uncomfortable. If you were ever abused and it's killing you inside but you're scared to tell your loved ones or an authority, push through and do it. If you desperately need a break from school, or work, or tae kwon do lessons, even if you can't find the words to justify or explain it, dare to say. Dare to ask.
Unrepress and look within for self-fulfilling activities that you've been untrained from trying. Then try them.
And all this, do while you do indeed have the age you do. I don't agree with the evil choice some adults make to try to wave aging around in your face, passive-aggressively or aggressively, as the determiner of your worth. You decide your age and worth. But if you break through the numbness and the wordlessness and the fear and the embarrassment sooner, every freer moment and every learning and every new seed of life in your soul will allow to enrich yourself and be more and more likely to clean yourself of what soils you and build what embodies you.
You belong. Unlike me. You're alive.
