I'm in my second semester of uni now, studying IT. I worked really hard last year and got an A in a notoriously difficult programming class. So I started this semester thinking I've got this, this is the career for me, finally found something I'm good at.
A little over a month into the second semester and I've noticed a few things that have changed (you can skip 2 and 3):
#4 has made me think I won't be able to complete my degree(because of that one class :/) and #5 has sort of made me not want to.
However I don't have anything to fall back on. I'm on disability benefits right now and it's not really enough to live on, I'm in debt and I keep getting bills and having to make downpayments as if I have any money to spare and I won't even have enough money for food until the next payout. So my situation needs to change and getting a degree/well paying job is my way out. That and I don't feel like I'm disabled so I'd want to come off it anyway.
I've never worked a day in my life (long story).
I've been thinking I want to learn how to take good pictures and try to become a photographer but that's not steady employment, nor does it pay well and consistently, you can't rely on that working out, or, even if it does, that it'll keep working out. But that would be something I'd enjoy and I'd get to spend a lot of time outside, while it's light out, doing my own thing, working irregular hours and living more freely. It's just such a shame it's not realistic. Can't even afford a good camera.
I just don't know what to do! I want to finish the current semester before I make a decision but...#4
I'm 27 and I don't want to waste any more time than I already have.
finally {
fuck.winter("seriously!");
}
A little over a month into the second semester and I've noticed a few things that have changed (you can skip 2 and 3):
- I can't concentrate. I've been completely unable to read and work on programming etc the way I did last year. I'm really far behind and I'm driving myself crazy. Every day I tell myself I'll spend hours reading and catching up but I just can't do it and I don't know why. Maybe it's winter draining me of energy?
- Four classes this year, two of them about vague mathematical and philosophical concepts, one of them more programming, and one about information systems.
- I liked java (what I learned last year) it's neat and tidy, you always know what everything in a program is and does and where to change it. We also learned it in a really great way, one chapter at a time, one concept at a time. This year we're doing javascript and WTF, it's complete chaos, there are no rules, it's all over the place, and we're using two books, one of them massive, no natural progression, there's no way to get through it all in one semester.
- GROUP PROJECTS. In 3 of the 4 classes I can do the projects alone but not in the fourth, it's mandatory, you have to find people to group with yourself(they should not be allowed to do this to people) and I don't work in groups, nor do I write long papers, which is what the project is. I don't communicate well. I haven't joined a group yet and I think I might have a breakdown if I do, the pressure to contribute to group discussion and deliver my part of the paper so the group doesn't hate me combined with my inability to write long papers (I chose IT so I could just do technical stuff like write programs) will just not be good for my mental health and wellbeing.
- I've realized that what I'm headed for is a 9 to 5 job, stuck in an office for most of my life. And that's not the life I want to live. I want to be outside when the sun is shining, I want to spend time in nature, I want to be free. I want to make money/have a job too, of course, but I don't want to sleepwalk my days away inside an office, barely seeing the light of day.
#4 has made me think I won't be able to complete my degree(because of that one class :/) and #5 has sort of made me not want to.
However I don't have anything to fall back on. I'm on disability benefits right now and it's not really enough to live on, I'm in debt and I keep getting bills and having to make downpayments as if I have any money to spare and I won't even have enough money for food until the next payout. So my situation needs to change and getting a degree/well paying job is my way out. That and I don't feel like I'm disabled so I'd want to come off it anyway.
I've never worked a day in my life (long story).
I've been thinking I want to learn how to take good pictures and try to become a photographer but that's not steady employment, nor does it pay well and consistently, you can't rely on that working out, or, even if it does, that it'll keep working out. But that would be something I'd enjoy and I'd get to spend a lot of time outside, while it's light out, doing my own thing, working irregular hours and living more freely. It's just such a shame it's not realistic. Can't even afford a good camera.
I just don't know what to do! I want to finish the current semester before I make a decision but...#4
I'm 27 and I don't want to waste any more time than I already have.
finally {
fuck.winter("seriously!");
}