at some point i started living a new life. that’s when i cut out everyone who hurt me, figured out what was important to me, strived for the best and… i rlly did start to feel better. a year went by - i met new ppl, found something i loved doing and tried not to look back at the past. all in all, everything seemed to be going well.
but there’s one person who still can’t let me go. we dated for about four years and we’ve known each other for six. for the last two years, we haven’t rlly been in touch - we’d get back together, then break up again - and for the past year, we’ve been living completely separate lives. that relationship was very toxic, nothing but pain and suffering, but i loved him very much and for some reason, he still has an influence on me. recently he’s started visiting my page every day and watching my stories - literally all the time. it’s made me feel so strange, cuz i know he’s not doing this for no reason. i started wanting to sort things out with my ex cuz i couldn’t live with the torment of constantly thinking about him. we talked this past january, it was the same as before, and i said everything i was thinking. we discussed everything and came to the conclusion that we’d just stay in touch, but it felt like we didn’t rlly come to any concrete conclusion. then he stopped messaging me on his own, and later he even deleted the chat from both of our devices, stopped looking at my profile, and i decided it was time to let him go. and now, here we go again. i couldn’t help myself and messaged him again cuz i just don’t understand him at all, but everything is still very unclear, and it’s only made things harder for me.
i apologized for myself, for my behavior, i wanted to sort things out properly but in response i didn’t hear anything clear or specific. will we get back together, or will we be friends? how does he feel about me and why is he doing this? seriously, why? i managed to get him to say that he doesn’t want that kind of intimacy anymore, but just wants to hang out sometimes, and he feels something like affection, but during this time he met someone else, they can’t be together, but he’s already let her go. the most hurtful part was when he said, “u won’t be the center of my universe anymore, u’ll just be one more person,” and accused me of acting like a slut with men, of catering to them, saying that it’s not normal and that this isn’t who i am - but that’s actually not true! and im so hurt, cuz he’s the one who always wanted to change me - not other people.
the problem is that even before, at first, we were officially dating, and then he would constantly hint at a relationship but never explicitly say whether we were a couple or not. so i was always left hanging - and maybe it’s scaring him off that i now want clarity? does he not want to take responsibility? or has he simply fallen out of love with me? what did i do wrong? why don’t people choose me? a while back, about four years ago, he also said he had never loved me. but this past january, he said he actually did love me. and now im afraid that he didn’t love me after all, and still doesn’t. and that’s the saddest part - it feels like it was all for nothing, all my efforts and hard work. but then why is he doing all this?
it’s just that i don't understand what could be keeping us from being together in his vision. is it my new life, or the fact that i've fallen in love with someone else, which he knows about but doesn't want to hear, or is it the distance? or is it simply that he doesn't love me after all?
i don’t understand what’s wrong with me, and i want to die. i don’t understand him, and i don’t understand myself. i feel used and humiliated. i spoke openly and honestly about my feelings, but he didn’t, and it feels as if im the ugliest person in the world or someone unworthy of love. i don’t want to be with him, but i want him to just let me go and never touch me again. or to clearly say what he wants from me. but i don’t have the courage to speak up about what hurts me, i can only listen to my mistakes and apologize. i feel like such a nobody help me
but there’s one person who still can’t let me go. we dated for about four years and we’ve known each other for six. for the last two years, we haven’t rlly been in touch - we’d get back together, then break up again - and for the past year, we’ve been living completely separate lives. that relationship was very toxic, nothing but pain and suffering, but i loved him very much and for some reason, he still has an influence on me. recently he’s started visiting my page every day and watching my stories - literally all the time. it’s made me feel so strange, cuz i know he’s not doing this for no reason. i started wanting to sort things out with my ex cuz i couldn’t live with the torment of constantly thinking about him. we talked this past january, it was the same as before, and i said everything i was thinking. we discussed everything and came to the conclusion that we’d just stay in touch, but it felt like we didn’t rlly come to any concrete conclusion. then he stopped messaging me on his own, and later he even deleted the chat from both of our devices, stopped looking at my profile, and i decided it was time to let him go. and now, here we go again. i couldn’t help myself and messaged him again cuz i just don’t understand him at all, but everything is still very unclear, and it’s only made things harder for me.
i apologized for myself, for my behavior, i wanted to sort things out properly but in response i didn’t hear anything clear or specific. will we get back together, or will we be friends? how does he feel about me and why is he doing this? seriously, why? i managed to get him to say that he doesn’t want that kind of intimacy anymore, but just wants to hang out sometimes, and he feels something like affection, but during this time he met someone else, they can’t be together, but he’s already let her go. the most hurtful part was when he said, “u won’t be the center of my universe anymore, u’ll just be one more person,” and accused me of acting like a slut with men, of catering to them, saying that it’s not normal and that this isn’t who i am - but that’s actually not true! and im so hurt, cuz he’s the one who always wanted to change me - not other people.
the problem is that even before, at first, we were officially dating, and then he would constantly hint at a relationship but never explicitly say whether we were a couple or not. so i was always left hanging - and maybe it’s scaring him off that i now want clarity? does he not want to take responsibility? or has he simply fallen out of love with me? what did i do wrong? why don’t people choose me? a while back, about four years ago, he also said he had never loved me. but this past january, he said he actually did love me. and now im afraid that he didn’t love me after all, and still doesn’t. and that’s the saddest part - it feels like it was all for nothing, all my efforts and hard work. but then why is he doing all this?
it’s just that i don't understand what could be keeping us from being together in his vision. is it my new life, or the fact that i've fallen in love with someone else, which he knows about but doesn't want to hear, or is it the distance? or is it simply that he doesn't love me after all?
i don’t understand what’s wrong with me, and i want to die. i don’t understand him, and i don’t understand myself. i feel used and humiliated. i spoke openly and honestly about my feelings, but he didn’t, and it feels as if im the ugliest person in the world or someone unworthy of love. i don’t want to be with him, but i want him to just let me go and never touch me again. or to clearly say what he wants from me. but i don’t have the courage to speak up about what hurts me, i can only listen to my mistakes and apologize. i feel like such a nobody help me
