I don't understand myself

[dugga]

I'll try to keep this as brief as I can, my real father died a week before my sixth birthday and it was something that was never discussed and I suppose I never had a chance to grieve or deal with it properly and what happened to me afterwards has had lifelong effects on me. My mother left me on occasions when she couldn't cope with relatives who were psychologically abusive to me and I still hold much anger about it, even though I know it wasn't her fault. Anyway fast-forward to this year, my mother died at age 79 after having a stroke several months ago. I saw her just before she passed away and although our relationship had never been good I feel there had been some reconciliation in recent years. What I don't understand is why I am not more upset, it's almost like the death of a stranger. I know I'm capable of compassion and empathy - my little cat died not long after my mother and I was devastated, I'm not one to shed a tear very often but I was overwhelmed with grief over the loss of my little girl cat - she was only two and an adorable little princess.... Yet over my own mother I was sad but nowhere near as upset as I was over my cat. I'm really perplexed and confused at my own feelings and how I can't feel any real emotion about the death of my own mother. I hope someone can offer some insight? Thanks for reading

 

[may71]

I think it's ok to feel whatever you feel. Sometimes we feel pressure to feel a certain way, or don't understand why we feel a certain way.

Imho, feelings are always legitimate. The reasons we think up for why we feel the way we do may be wrong, but the feelings themselves are legitimate.

You have a day-to-day relationship and usually close physical contact with a pet. People don't usually fight with their pets, feel betrayed by them, etc. I suppose there can be some issues with pets (making a mess, etc.), but mostly people get along with their pets really well. So I guess it's kind of understandable that you might have had a stronger emotional tie to your cat.

Imho, it's ok to just feel what you feel and not think that you should feel something different

 

[dugga]

Thanks for your reply May, I appreciate it. I think I am also more accepting and less emotional when someone dies at an old age. Like their time has come and they've lived their life... I get more upset over young people (and animals) dying - maybe that's just who I am?