You know when you get so frustrated and confused over something and it makes you want to scream or cry? That's me right now. Except, I have absolutely no idea as to what I'm actually frustrated and confused about. I want to say it's frustrating but that just makes me laugh! I don't want to do this assessment tomorrow. Why on earth do I need to have an assessment before starting group therapy if I didn't need one for any other therapy. Or were they just doing assessments on me without telling me, do they do that? I feel like if I start this group therapy then I will just be a complete and utter bitch to everyone and I don't want to do that. At all. I haven't even learnt to let my emotions out yet because I blank off so hard and they want me to do this in a group?! Are they mad? Madder than I am? My emotions feel volatile enough when I'm pushing them back, I can't let my control go in a bloody group. I want to try this I really do. Will the people in the group be my age? Will they also have BPD? Will they think in the same ways as me? I'm getting too stressed out and I know this is going to backfire on me. Group therapy scares me. I'm terrified of it. What if these people have been in groups before? And they sit there silently judging me when I physically unable to open my mouth and talk. What if I run out of the room unable to participate? What if I start being verbally violent towards another? That's the one thing I can't let happen but if I let my emotions out then I will be like that I just know it. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't do this. I don't see a way out of this anymore they never listen to what I have to say. I said I didn't want to be put into a group and they put me into a group. I'm such a horrible person.