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I dont want to be alive anymore
- Thread starter dying_inside
- Start date
Oh I am so sorry. I have lost a cat too - an indoor/outdoor kitty I had for 14 years who was hit by a car and killed instantly. It just rips your heart out. Remember ALWAYS that she loved you and would not want you to suffer, and that you gave her a good life.
I hope one day we will get to see them again.
I hope one day we will get to see them again.
Do not give up - it goes both ways. See here: Dog cries every day
When I was young, the psy. hospital released me (better threw me out) after only 4 days in telling me "You are a hopeless case". Now many years later I cannot say I am not still sick (took me nearly one year to get out of it now), but I am still here, had a nice life all over the world (was working in 15 or so countries). I find her response irresponsible, sorry. And don'y you dare, ok? Life changes all the time, for all of us - and it will change for you (although I do not know your story). This does not mean that I think that all of us have the right to leave when we want or if there is no other way. But I learned that most of the time, there IS another way. Big hug. I just hope you did not pay her/him.
It may be that they are giving you the "tough love," approach, as opposed to the more coddled approach, or school of thought?
Perhaps they feel that if they cater to your confessions, that this will only make matters worse? I really couldn't say... That or they are just tired, and lazy!
Either way, and no matter what (the reason is) it is not your fault.
For their incompetence, of course, you are the one left to suffer, and incur the consequences of said decision & action - or "inaction."
I'm sorry you're not having more success with your psych & your therapist. You'd like to think that just showing up & merely asking for help, especially after you've explicitly told them why you are already there to do so. . . that they'd be able to do something more than what they've thus far, been able to do.
Which seems to be, only 'anger,' you~
best wishes, dying_inside
Perhaps they feel that if they cater to your confessions, that this will only make matters worse? I really couldn't say... That or they are just tired, and lazy!
Either way, and no matter what (the reason is) it is not your fault.
For their incompetence, of course, you are the one left to suffer, and incur the consequences of said decision & action - or "inaction."
I'm sorry you're not having more success with your psych & your therapist. You'd like to think that just showing up & merely asking for help, especially after you've explicitly told them why you are already there to do so. . . that they'd be able to do something more than what they've thus far, been able to do.
Which seems to be, only 'anger,' you~
best wishes, dying_inside
Im probably going to test esketamine (nasal spray) on me.
It should make psychological pain receptors less active.
I still have to be accepted for the test and even of i actually do It its not said It Will work on me but i Hope so much.
Anyone else has tried this out?
If this doesnt work, Plan 2 Is trying changing job.
If neither of them work, you know what Plan A stands for.
It should make psychological pain receptors less active.
I still have to be accepted for the test and even of i actually do It its not said It Will work on me but i Hope so much.
Anyone else has tried this out?
If this doesnt work, Plan 2 Is trying changing job.
If neither of them work, you know what Plan A stands for.
I have had 5 esketamine treatments and
was like being on a hallucinogenic with out the high and visuals. I experienced extreme dissociation and discomfort and had to find my way back to reality through intense journey of negative thoughts and trauma. Every session I would find what worked best and what I needed to get through to make it to make it the best experience possible. I am a person who needs to feel things physically as well as intuition to connect to my higher self. I listened to many meditations, teachers and affirmation. I played and have always had a passion for baseball. I have a subscription to audible and would listened to Why We Love Baseball A History In 50 moments by Joe Pasnanski. It was almost like I was there in person listening to the greatest moments in baseball history, it would give me goose bumps. If anyone is to try esketamine I would suggest listening to or watching something you connect with and are passionate about and brings you peace to get the the most out of the esketamine. I personally did not like the disasosiation and how I would feel emotionally and physically on or after esketamine so I discontinued treatment. I would always have to find my way out of a bad experience and fight to make it the best as possible was like having a bad trip. Everyone reacts to everything differently. I would recommend going in with a plan of action and a positive attitude to get the most out of treatment. When you have tried everything you have nothing to lose. Wish you good luck and all the best dying_inside.
was like being on a hallucinogenic with out the high and visuals. I experienced extreme dissociation and discomfort and had to find my way back to reality through intense journey of negative thoughts and trauma. Every session I would find what worked best and what I needed to get through to make it to make it the best experience possible. I am a person who needs to feel things physically as well as intuition to connect to my higher self. I listened to many meditations, teachers and affirmation. I played and have always had a passion for baseball. I have a subscription to audible and would listened to Why We Love Baseball A History In 50 moments by Joe Pasnanski. It was almost like I was there in person listening to the greatest moments in baseball history, it would give me goose bumps. If anyone is to try esketamine I would suggest listening to or watching something you connect with and are passionate about and brings you peace to get the the most out of the esketamine. I personally did not like the disasosiation and how I would feel emotionally and physically on or after esketamine so I discontinued treatment. I would always have to find my way out of a bad experience and fight to make it the best as possible was like having a bad trip. Everyone reacts to everything differently. I would recommend going in with a plan of action and a positive attitude to get the most out of treatment. When you have tried everything you have nothing to lose. Wish you good luck and all the best dying_inside.
Thank you all for your support.
@Road to Nowhere , thank you for sharing your experience with esketamine. i still dont know if i will be admitted to the treatment and have mixed feelings about it. i'll let you know.
today is a very bad day. i truly considered doing it today.
im exhausted by my job and the fact that next week i'll have a week off doesnt make it better. yes, i'll feel better for a week and then? i was almost crying at work today. i feel in prison and pushed to my limits. the only good thought is "one more day and then i'll get to rest for a while".
but i'll have to work during the week off too because i also do translations and it will be the perfect week to catch up with what i've left behind. which is a lot.
i wanna die. truly i mean it. im so sick and tired, exhausted by being alive, by just existing.
I DONT WANT A BETTER LIFE. I WANT IT TO BE OVER.
please help, im on the edge, ready to fall down.
@Road to Nowhere , thank you for sharing your experience with esketamine. i still dont know if i will be admitted to the treatment and have mixed feelings about it. i'll let you know.
today is a very bad day. i truly considered doing it today.
im exhausted by my job and the fact that next week i'll have a week off doesnt make it better. yes, i'll feel better for a week and then? i was almost crying at work today. i feel in prison and pushed to my limits. the only good thought is "one more day and then i'll get to rest for a while".
but i'll have to work during the week off too because i also do translations and it will be the perfect week to catch up with what i've left behind. which is a lot.
i wanna die. truly i mean it. im so sick and tired, exhausted by being alive, by just existing.
I DONT WANT A BETTER LIFE. I WANT IT TO BE OVER.
please help, im on the edge, ready to fall down.
I am as well @dying_inside so I don't know what to tell you.
If I were able to I'd help and I wish you could feel better.
If I were able to I'd help and I wish you could feel better.
☹️🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂