I dont want to be like this

[life]

It seems that i have avoidant personality disorder however sometımes i am confused.....İ got these symptoms of avpd from the internet.......1-persistent and pervasive feelings of tension and apprehension= =YES TRUE. ...while i am with people i feel lower thann them..2-Belief that one is socially inept personally unappealıng or inferior to others=====Totataly true...Maybe thıs ıs the maın reason that ı dont contact wıth people cuz ı know that i wont fullfill their social needs ..3 Excessive preoccupation with being critisized or rejected in social situations// =himmm i can say that i never think of i will be critisezed and worry about it but when i am critisized i can get hurt..sometimes it depends on the persons character..But the thing is that i cannot defend my self and that makes me feel oppressive (oppression)....4=Unwillingness to become involved with people unlless certain of being liked====YEAAAAHH!!!!....this is true! totally..5=Avoids social activites=yess/...Restrictioin lifestyle because of need to have physical security ===????WHAT DOES this mean didnt understand...But probably thats true for me too..Never mind i just want to say i am 18 years old male and i am sick and tired of this disorder(if i have it)...I am always at home bored have no friends cant go out and feel depressed....So do i have avpd\? and if i have i want to overcome it even 50 or 60 percent of it...what should i do first???...I am talking with my mother and she doesnt believe in psychology and she thinks that i am only shy...and she is 60 years old and i dont want to make her upset by telling her that i have serious problem about this...i am stuck..and very upset ..i want to get better however its to hard very hard...i will go nuts everyday in the house in the summer.. i always think about my probelm and try and find solution but i cant...i am scared i will loose my mind by thinking a lot ...Its like there is a big wall between me and the people and i cant pass that wall and i am only looking from the window ...i wanna pass that wall but i cant ..The desire of social interaction and social excitement is killing me everyday!!!!....I cant find a word for this i am feeling very bad !!!!!...I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND BE HAPPY ..do u want to much_? ..psychologist doesnt help they just listen thats all!!i ssay to them its hard and becouse i cant do nothing they send me off by telling i have no motivation :sad:..The antidepressants only make me not to feel depressed...I am sick and tired ..I am thinking thinking and thinking and thinking all these things all the time every minute.....I see no future...I wont even finish univercity becouse i feell very lonely ver empty inside while i go to school....Thats why sometiumes i think of suicide its not becouse i hate life its becouse i cant find any ways to get better ....I wanna live but not as a boy who never talks or in always in the background!!!!...

 

[crazy]

i cant imagine how hard all that is for you...however if ur antidepresents are making u more depressed those things ur experiencing may be a result of ur meds doing more harm than good...maybe if u can get in to see ur dr who prescribd them u can, if u havent already, try to tell him/her exactly that and maybe u can get on new / different type of meds that may actually help with everything...if ur dr isnt willing to do that for u i would highly suggest finding a new dr