i dont want to be suicidal

[kroque93]

i mean really what is the point of bothering sometimes though? People in the industry that i love are so competitive and ignore you if you are socially withdrawn (though i try really hard not to be and i go outside as much as i can). hell there are no jobs as it is though and i haven't had one in a long time.

then there's the fact that people slight you and think you're a bitch automatically if you are a girl, i'm no bitch people don't give me a moment

i am really behind in networking and i haven't found an internship or a job, hell i put it off and just teach myself as much as i can... my family doesn't realize i exist and they dont care
i know i am depressing but welp
honestly no matter how much i try its never enough
its honestly amazing i can be hopeful and keep going most of the time .. just looking at all the things you did is nice
but its never enough nothing is
if i went home now i think i would give up
but i really have to go home, i cant live here anymore

i would have to live in my hoarder mother's house again
her house is disgusting and was the source of meltdowns for me as a child
i think that would be the tipping point
i cant do anything else and i don't know what to do
but really who gives a shit seriously, nobody

 

[total eclipse]

I hope things turn around for you soon hun It take time to get a career it really does and lots of work getting it. Don't give up ok it will happen hugs