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I don't want to go to college anymore

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by J1EVE, Jan 13, 2015.

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  1. J1EVE

    J1EVE New Member

    So, yesterday and today are the last day I get to register on my college. I got accepted in a nice college I didn't think I would get to be accepted. But I don't think I can move out of my home city because of my depression? I planned on moving out with a friend but we end up on different cities and I really need to live with someone who care about me to keep me in check, I don't really know what can I do to myself if I just live alone or with someone who I don't know or care.

    In my home I won't commit suicide because my mom is there and I love her so much I feel like I can't left her alone but If I left and my mom or anybody is there to make me feel loved I'll just probably decide to kill myself. And the city I was moving to is a more big city so I'll probably just go outside and throw myself in front of a car without any problem.

    I just feel really really mediocre because if I stay here I'll go to a community college and I'll feel judged because all of my friends are going to big colleges and stuff.

    Also I really want to move out at the same time because my sister is a really toxic person everytime we talk I end up crying but that a part of why I don't want to leave because I'll be leaving my mom with her. At my house we have a nickname for her "The Demon" because she's really mean and selfish

    I just really don't know what to do, stay at home with someone who make me feel safe and help me with my suicidal thoughts or leave and try to make it work myself and do my best stopping myself from killing me but also feel really guilty and that's probably make things worse :/?

    Sorry if this message is a mess I just really don't know how to explain myself :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    First thing you do is set up a meeting with councilor at you college so you can have someone to talk to when you are felling so low
    The councilors there will work with you to set up an environment where if you are not feeling so well you can approach them

    You can always pull out later if you find it overwhelming you can get you courses put on hold until you feel stronger to go back at it that way you won't recieve a failing mark talk to a councilor at your school ok they will help you
  3. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    Good suggestions from total eclipse
    What will your living arrangements be if you go to the college? Will you be living in a dorm?
  4. J1EVE

    J1EVE New Member

    Thank you, total eclipse! That's a really helpful advice.

    @smwhorses I was thinking on finding a roommate to stop myself from doing anything bad but after some hours I posted this my dad got really mad and started to scream about how I would get anything going for the career I choose on that college (arts) so I think I will just give up that college and study something else in community college at home or maybe another city I really don't know...

    I just feel a lot of pressure because this is my only chance to get my career paid (by my dad's work and he's retiring this year so I can't do it next year) I really wish I could just give myself a year because I've been on really bad place lately, constantly thinking of suicide because I feel worthless and being numb. I've been a zombi lately and I can't drive myself to do anything even getting up of bed is a pain for me and my family get really mad at me because that and the whole college thing just make me more anxious.

    Anyways! Thank you for your answers I've been trying to relax a little and I feel calm right now.
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