I'm sorry to just burst into this forum as a newbie ,but I'm feeling very low right now. I'm fairly recently 45, my last birthday was absolutely horrible. Wanted nothing to do with getting any older. Since at least a decade I feel my life further and further declining and I struggle to see the point in continuing. I am unemployed, have no social life (minimally at least), no place of my own , I'm butt ugly , have a list of mental issues to deal with . I just feel my life is behind me and that there's nothing ahead but aging. I have been unemployed my whole life basically (Yeah I'm a big fat loser ). Oke mainly due to social anxiety, OCD etc. But it has always made me feel worthless. I did manage to finish college (masters degree), and finished my first app. I chose app development as it's something that I will hopefully be able to do from home due to my social anxiety. Now off course starts the very difficult task of searching for work, and off course OCD has resurfaced. I am trying to get through the OCD and so hopefully I can start my work search, but I feel so ugly, worthless, unworthy of love etc because of my age/lack of looks. To top it off my son lives my ex in sweden (his father is swedish). I haven't seen him in 7 months (missed his 6th birthday ). I just feel so lonely and depressed and fear a live of loneliness ,that can only get worse the older I get . How can it possibly get better? The world is focused on youth and looks. And if you''re old/ugly you may as well be invisible <Mod Edit:Timeline> Thanks for letting me vent . It hopefully will help a bit.